Hello Trevor,
On the use of language, identity, and perfection.
This is from the classic video of Albert Ellis and Gloria (it is worth a view).
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUecp1Zh1pk[/youtube]
M.M.
Hey MM,
I watched the video and will watch it again later to digest it a little more. But is there any particular aspect of it that you think refers to anything in this thread?
I would classify the woman (Gloria) as an example of the consuming (needy/suffocating) personality type referred to in your OP (I could be wrong here). In the interview to me it is clear that she is a consumer… I want I want I want… Ellis theorises as to what the cause of Gloria’s behaviour is (needy and all consuming).
In his introduction Ellis states:
The past is not crucial in a person’s life. The person impacts upon himself more than his past - why? Because he is constantly reindoctrinating himself with simple exclamatory sentences which involve ideas. For example:
Self Talk A: I don’t like the thing that I have done. (Ellis describes this as a sane response)
Resultant self Talk B: And because I don’t like my behaviour I am a bad person - louse, worthless, nogoodnick. (Ellis describes this as an insane response)
(or to paraphrase I have done a bad thing therefore I am a bad person).
Ellis claims the second statement is based on superstition and is not based on any empirical evidence the person has. It is not what happens to us that is important it is our view of what happens to us which is important.
Ellis describes a sane approach as being:
Self talk A: I don’t like the thing that I have done
Resultant self talk B: How can I change? (Followed by action).
I would argue that the resultant behaviour as illustrated by Gloria (neediness and all consuming) is founded on the basis of her view of herself as a bad person. This bad person concept results in the need to seek out and consume those she sees as good (in order to become that which she consumes). This process is described in your OP. Ellis explicitly states this when he proposes to Gloria “I refuse to accept myself unless I attract and win this good individual”. Gloria responds with yes!
Her view of herself is an insane response but her view of I don’t like this about myself is (Ellis would classify as) a sane response.
Ellis argues the intervention in this type of behaviour is in challenging the link between:
I have done a bad thing (sane) —> I am a bad person (insane) —> neediness (insane)
Ellis would argue that a healthy transformation would be:
I have done a bad thing (sane) —> how can I change (sane) —> action (sane)
Any thoughts or comments?
M.M.