Igor turned around and saw the Laughing Buddha statue which someone somehow had snuck into his living room. . It seemed to have come to life before Igor’s very eyes. . It was laughing in such a creepy, menacing way at him. Creepy for Igor? Yeeeeeessssssss. Buddha’s roly-poly belly was shaking with such gusto that it sent fear into Igor’s heart, so much fear that he could feel his spine tingling as though it was going to burst open. The skin on his feet felt like such a terrible burning that he was forced to run screaming in agony into his bathtub to run the coldest water he could feel upon his feet to soothe them but alas there was no soothing to be had and his feet burned and turned the brightest crimson. Igor cried out in terror.
Somewhere in his mind he could hear the goat’s head speaking to him, filled with such disgust for what he had done. He couldn’t understand his words, but the lips were moving in such a grotesque and sinister way. The goat opened up his mouth and this great tongue flung out and wrapped itself around Igor’s neck. Igor screamed for help and mercy but none came.
The Buddha laughed his demon-like laugh. He roared, almost it seemed, spitting out the words: : "Now do you understand how swiftly love can turn to evil. Your despicable actions, your cruel, gluttonous behavior has turned the angelic spirit within me to a demon.
Igor had never seemed to be so frightened in his life. He managed to untangle himself from the goat’s hideous tongue by stabbing it with a knife he kept in his pocket for doing his ungodly evil deeds . He ran out of the house into the night screaming in holy terror. “I’ll change, I’ll change”, he said, his heart beating like a run-away train. Unbeknownst to Igor. the Count stood on the roof laughing til he turned blue in the face, which for that guy, the Count, was quite the rare happening. He saw Igor huffing and puffing as he ran down the hill, half running, half falling over. It felt to Igor as though his brain might explode into a million little pieces.
Then Igor found himself hiding behind this magnifient large rock, large enough indeed to hide him from the monstrous Buddha and the bodiless goat. Once he had calmed down and felt such a wonderful false security entering into him - is there really any othere kind? - he then thought to himself: "No way am I going to change. I got away from him this time, I will again. Next time I will be ready for him. Does he really think that he can scare me? Me Igor?! Hee hee hee hee hee hee.
Then Igor decided to lay down and he took a nap - such a nice nap in the arms of sweet Denial. Ah, but then - then - the Matrix found him, slithered up to him and closed in pulling him in - in - in but oh what a Matrix it was – a deep, dark, slimy abyss with snakes curling their bodies around him, suffocating him, choking the very life out of him it seemed. The bats chewed on his ears, chewed so hungrily and greedily, lapping up the blood which streamed from Igor’s ears, which gave them such renewed energy, spirit and hedonistic satisfaction.
Then Igor could hear nothing more - save for the slightest chilling whispering that came to him, it seemed, out of nowhere. "No, you won’t. No, you won’t." You Fool of Fools!
And Count Dracula could be heard giggling in the distance.