Stuart…
Well, Stuart, to begin with, I think that I would have personally italicized the “really” - not the “do”.
Yes, I just went back and checked. I had italicized the “really” back then too.
It points to sometimes “really” not knowing what we want or how we feel. To ask the questions in that way, causes us to sit up and to take note, to reflect, that perhaps at this time, our needs and our feelings have changed, what needs, what feelings? They are sundry we know.
I suppose that at first glance, those questions are really loaded questions, aren’t they? Would it be worth it to ask - what do I really want at this moment - what do i really feel at this moment?
Silence…no, I’m not looking for silence…that’s mine for the taking most of the time.
How profound would you like me to be? at the moment, what is coming to me is that what I would really want is a tuna melt with a side order of french fries with melted mozzarella cheese and brown gravy. And a large cup of strong coffee with very, very, very little milk.
I feel hungry…
Aside from that…what do I really want in this moment as I am thinking of it ~~ what I would really want in this moment and of course I realize I will not get it, I will never get it ~~ is to be able to go back in time, about a year’s worth, perhaps a little more, of time I guess, and change the past, to change the way in which I had responded to certain things, and to have remembered in those particular moments, things that I had said beforehand, without having even had a clue of what those words actually meant at the time, in following through with them ~~ thereby, matching my behavior with my words. Not an easy thing to do, but when we don’t, it comes at a cost to us. There was much value to be learned and had by that though also much loss.
I did not expect that this moment would be a moment of honesty for me. But what the hell, I have nothing to lose by being open and honest here…within reason of still valuing my privacy.
And what am I feeling at the moment…sadness and loss. But I have no doubt that it will once again dissolve and lose meaning except for the gratitude and learning process. Life is an ebb and a flow you know.
Dive into the Silence.