It might be said this movie is about a lot more than baseball. The foibles embedded deeply in the human condition for example. And the parts of life that just ain’t fair. In fact, there are parts here that just break your heart.
Another Antonio Salieri. He loves what he does but he is just not gifted enough to be anywhere near as good as he needs to be to go all the way to the top. Instead, the gods have the gall to stick him with the task of helping management nurture a moron who is so blessed.
And then there is Annie. Trust me: she knows a lot more about life than just baseball too. And all the other stuff about her is to die for.
It’s a peek inside a world that most of us know little about. And maybe because we don’t really care to. But in some respects the baseball here is more real than the the stuff in the “show.” After all, for some of folks here it really is all about the love of the game.
And what this is is a great love story. Both on and off the field.
at wiki: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bull_Durham
trailer: youtu.be/kqqdEwFz4mU
BULL DURHAM [1988]
Written and directed by Ron Shelton
[b]Annie [voiceover]: I believe in the Church of Baseball. I’ve tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I’ve worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn’t work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there’s no guilt in baseball, and it’s never boring… which makes it like sex. There’s never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn’t have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I’d never sleep with a player hitting under .250… not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there’s a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I’ve got a ballplayer alone, I’ll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy’ll listen to anything if he thinks it’s foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God’s sake? It’s a long season and you gotta trust it. I’ve tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.
…
Annie: Right, honey, let’s get down to it. How was Ebby Calvin LaLoosh?
Millie: Well, he fucks like he pitches - sorta all over the place.
…
Larry: Who’s this? Who are you?
Crash: I’m the player to be named later.
…
Crash: Well, my triple-A contract gets bought out so I can hold some flavor-of-the-month’s dick in the bus leagues, is that it? Well, fuck this fucking game!
…
Nuke: I don’t hit no man first.
Crash: All right, then…
[he tosses him a baseball]
Crash: … hit me in the chest with that.
Nuke: I’d kill you!
Crash: Yeah? From what I hear, you couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat.
…
Crash: Come on, Rookie, show us that million dollar arm…'cause I got a pretty good idea about that 5 cent head of yours.
…
Crash: I’m Crash Davis your new catcher. You just got lesson number one: don’t think; it can only hurt the ball club.
…
Annie: These are the ground rules. I hook up with one guy a season. Usually takes me a couple weeks to pick the guy - kinda my own spring training. And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far, so I just thought we should kinda get to know each other.
Crash: Time out. Why do you get to choose?
Annie: What?
Crash: Why do you get to choose? I mean, why don’t I get to choose, why doesn’t he get to choose?
Annie: Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. I mean, it’s all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing. Why, there are laws we don’t understand that bring us together and tear us apart. Uh, it’s like pheromones. You get three ants together, they can’t do dick. You get 300 million of them, they can build a cathedral.
[Crash laughs]
Nuke: So is somebody going to go to bed with somebody or what?
Annie: Honey, you are a regular nuclear meltdown. You better cool off. Ha ha, ha ha!
[to Crash as he stands up]
Annie: Oh, where are you going?
Crash: After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don’t try out. Besides, uh, I don’t believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart.
Annie: What do you believe in, then?
Crash: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
[pauses then winks and walks away]
Crash: Goodnight.
Annie Savoy: Crash…
Nuke: Hey, Annie, what’s all this molecule stuff?
…
Nuke [interrupting Annie who has him tied to the bed and is reading Walt Whitman to him]: Excuse me…are we gonna fuck or what?
…
Larry: Is Annie as good as they say?
Nuke: No, man, we didn’t fuck. She read poetry to me all night. It’s more tiring than fucking.
…
Crash [to Nuke]: Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You’ll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you’ll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press’ll think you’re colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob.
…
Annie: Listen, sweetheart, you shouldn’t listen to what a woman says when she’s in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.
Nuke: Yeah, you said “Crash”!
Annie: Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name?
…
Crash: Relax, all right? Don’t try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls - it’s more democratic.
…
Nuke: Why’s he always calling me meat? I’m the one driving a Porsche.
…
Nuke: God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!
Crash: He did know.
Nuke: How?
Crash: I told him.
…
Skip: You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry!
Larry: Lollygaggers!
Skip: Lollygaggers.
Skip: What’s our record, Larry?
Larry: Eight and sixteen.
Skip: Eight… and sixteen. How’d we ever win eight?
Larry: It’s a miracle.
Skip: It’s a miracle. This… is a simple game. You throw the ball. You hit the ball. You catch the ball.
…
Nuke: How come you don’t like me?
Crash: Because you don’t respect yourself, which is your problem. But you don’t respect the game, and that’s my problem. You got a gift.
Nuke: I got a what?
Crash: You got a gift. When you were a baby, the Gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you’re pissing it away.
Nuke: I ain’t pissing nothing away. I got a Porsche already; a 911 with a quadrophonic Blaupunkt.
Crash: Christ, you don’t need a quadrophonic Blaupunkt! What you need is a curveball! In the show, everyone can hit heat.
Nuke: Well, how would you know? YOU been in the majors?
Crash: Yeah, I’ve been in the majors.
Player: You were in the show?
Crash: Yeah, I was in the show. I was in the show for 21 days once - the 21 greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the show, somebody else carries your bags. It was great. You hit white balls for batting practice, the ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.
…
Nuke: You told him I was gonna throw a deuce, didn’t you?
Crash: Yup
…
Crash: It’s time to work on your interviews.
Nuke: My interviews? What do I gotta do?
Crash: You’re gonna have to learn your clichés. You’re gonna have to study them, you’re gonna have to know them. They’re your friends. Write this down: “We gotta play it one day at a time.”
Nuke: Got to play… it’s pretty boring.
Crash: 'Course it’s boring, that’s the point. Write it down. Write, write – “I just wanta give It my best shot and, Good Lord willing, things’ll work out.”
…
Nuke: The other day Crash called a woman’s pu… pussy… um, well, you know how the hair is kind of in a V-shape?
Annie: Yes, I do.
Nuke: Well, he called it the Bermuda Triangle. He said that a man could get lost in there and never be heard from again.
…
Crash: I never told him to stay out of your bed.
Annie: You most certainly did.
Crash: I never told him to stay out of your bed.
Annie: Yes you did.
Crash: I told him that a player on a streak has to respect the streak.
Annie: Oh fine.
Crash: You know why? Because they don’t - they don’t happen very often.
Annie: Right.
Crash: If you believe you’re playing well because you’re getting laid, or because you’re not getting laid, or because you wear women’s underwear, then you are! And you should know that!
[long pause]
Crash: Come on, Annie, think of something clever to say, huh? Something full of magic, religion, bullshit. Come on, dazzle me.
Annie: I want you.
…
Teddy [broadcasting on the radio]: I’ve never seen Crash so angry. And frankly, sports fans, he used a word that’s a no-no with umpires.
Millie [after Annie snaps off the radio]: Crash must’ve called the guy a cocksucker.
Annie: Mmmmm. God, he’s so romantic.
…
Annie: Oh, my.
…
Annie [voiceover]: Baseball may be a religion full of magic, cosmic truth, and the fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it’s also a job.
…
Annie [voiceover]: I stopped worrying about Nuke. Somehow I knew nothing would stop him. The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self awareness.[/b]