Hi friends,
Since my joining here at ILP and as well as at some other forums on the net, I have found many threads and discussions from time to time regarding the existence of some entities and existence beyond normal human reach and limitations. Posters are divided in their opinion according to their perception. So i thought that perhaps my experiences could give learned members to think more and differently about the issue.
Although I do not have much time these days due to some personal reasons but fortunately I have a habit of writing my experiences and thoughts since long, thus most of the required part of this post is ready with me, hence making it easier for me to post within a very short time.
So, it goes like that-
[i]I took his advice very seriously and concentrated on meditation. During that time I was doing nothing special……
So at that time I was left with only two things. One was preparing the court cases and the other one was meditation. I started meditating whenever I got free time. This practice intensified with time and ultimately became a habit which is still intact……
my guru gave me two mantras for meditation. Initially I use to sit with my legs crossed during meditation with my eyes closed and repeating the mantras……
At first I chanted them with very slow voice so that no one else could hear except me but as the time goes, automatically I switched to un-aural mode. Now my tongue was not moving but the words are pronounced by a slight movement in my throat and I was hearing them not with my ears but from my mind. It was totally a new experience for me. In initial stages I used to sit about 15 minutes but this period increased gradually. I was finding it very difficult to concentrate. I had to find something on which I can focus. There were two options before me. The first option was that echo which I was getting in the mind from repetition of mantas. The second choice was available to me in the form of a picture or image of any gods according to mythology. It was difficult for me to choose. Initially I tried to concentrate on both at the same time but it was just impossible so I decided to use them alternately. Nothing extraordinary happened and this went on for some time say about two or three months. As the duration of meditation increased, I felt many emotions going through my mind……
so I decided that tonight I will put all of myself. At night I started meditating as usual and carried on doing it. I never did it for so long before. The experience and the impact were also different this time. It was very difficult to keep the concentration going for longer periods. I was trying very hard to focus at the echo and in doing that, I felt that I have come closer to the echo. Now I was not only hearing the echo but also somewhat seeing the words. Although, echo is not a physical thing but I felt like that. I kept on doing it and then a strange thing happened. An image of an old person in his fifties flashed before my closed eyes and he shouted at me. The image lasted only 2-3 seconds and it was in black and white. I did not understand what he said but he was looking very angry from me. That man had small white beard. I tried to recall but I did not recognize him. His getup was suggesting that he was a Muslim. I tried to figure out the reason of his annoyance from me but didn’t find any…….
Sometimes the thoughts which were coming in the mind did not have any correlation with the context. It was appearing that they were randomly picked by the mind. I was getting the short flashes of thoughts and memories even from my childhood times. More often than not I tend to flow with those thoughts forgetting to concentrate on the echo. This was happening again and again and happens now even after 20 years. I had to bridle my mind regularly towards the echo…….
It was very frustrating. I was simply unable to understand that if I am trying to concentrate at the echo then who is this other entity which is trying to disturb me or engage in other thoughts. I thought a lot about this but did not get any clear answer. However, for the first time, I was getting the feeling that I am alone not the whole sole in charge of my mind. There is someone else for sure otherwise those disturbing thoughts and flashes should not come in the mind during meditation without my will….
As the time passes, I tried to put more effort in meditation but as I told earlier, I was not able to hold myself for more than 15-20 minutes. My mind used to become heavy and I fell asleep so I decided to meditate with open eyes to keep going for longer times. Now I was able to hold for more 8-10 minutes. Now, with open eyes, those flashes and thoughts were less disturbing than closed eyes but the level of concentration was also decreased very much. It was quite difficult to concentrate on the echo with and almost impossible to an image with my eyes open but I tried to do that. The basic problem was that when I kept my eyes opened, my concentration automatically came on the eyes so it was very difficult to concentrate on the echo. To overcome this situation, I tried to imagine the words of echo in the front of my eyes to create an object to see. In other words, I tried to make the words appear as I pronounced them. It worked to some extent but I found that the words are actually popping up in the mind instead of eyes so my concentration again tend to shift from the eyes to the mind and once again I started feeling drowsy. The experience of drowsiness was different this time compared to closed eyes. I could not able to fell into a nap because I had kept my eyes opened forcefully. After some days, while meditating with open eyes, I almost reached at the verge of sleeping without been slept. This stage was like a dividing line between sleeping and awakening. I do not know any other word to describe it. I kept hanging between both sides for some time. Then all of a sudden something very unusual happened. I saw some unknown people were there wearing different type of clothes and they were talking. What I mean to say is that it was like seeing a film. I was not present there. I was just witnessing it. This last perhaps 1-2 minute then someone shook me slightly and I came back to my senses…….
We told about this to our guru also. He asked me not to worry as these things usually happen during intense meditation. This incident gave me a kind of opening to the spiritual world. I became very curious as I want to know more about them. From here on I always tried to reach on that thin dividing line to peep into the spiritual world….
As I said earlier, I was mere a witness during TANDRA as I was not present there but it was appearing to me as they were there for me. As the time passed and I became able to hold the state of tandra for longer times, I found that I was also present there in some form though I am not able to see it but feel it. One day I heard my own voice during TANDRA though I was not talking but meditating. It was shocking and unbelievable. In the first place, I thought that perhaps it was my illusion but it happened again and again. Then I tried to concentrate more on the voices and found that I was not always present there but also interacting with them in TANDRA. I would like to call this second existence of mine the inner self. He was almost like me but with some difference. His voice was identical to me. He knew each and every thing that I knew and his thinking was absolutely identical also. Every moment that I lived in my whole life was available to him. Now I understood that those disturbing and disconcerting thoughts which used to pop up in my mind during meditation were belonged to that inner self as he is a co-owner my mind so sometimes I can feel what he feels. But there was a very big difference between me and him as he was not only familiar with those spiritual entities but also had relations with them……
All this meditation, TANDRA and disturbance continued. Somehow my sixth was telling me that I was gradually climbing the ladder but there was no relief in the day-to-day life of my family. As litigation was going on so I used to appear in the court on behalf of my family. On one such hearing, one of our creditors manhandled me. He abused me and slapped me 2-3 times outside the court room. Many people gathered there. This went on for 15-20 minutes. My brain and feeling became almost paralyzed that time. I did not remember anything that he said. At last he kicked me on my backside with his boot but I felt nothing. I came back to home about 3 ‘o clock in the noon but didn’t tell all this to anyone in the family. I had dinner as usual I went to sleep. Till now I did not had any feeling in my mind except that I was not able to pray lying in the bed before sleeping which had been developed almost a habit by then. Nothing extraordinary happened even on the next day but still I was not able to meditate. Although I have the remembrance of the incident of the last day but there was no feeling about that. It was appearing that all that happened to someone else instead of me and I was merely a witness there. My all emotions were blocked. I do not remember exactly but perhaps after 3or 4 days I became able to realize what happened. I was feeling very dishearten and helpless. Although mentally I am quite tough but for the first time tears came into my eyes on that day. I went to a small mound which was located near our house as no one used to go there. I sat there for many hours in loneliness then I decided that all this could not go on forever and I must do something to end this but there was nothing much that I could do except pray to God so I thought that perhaps putting more effort in praying may change our circumstances.
The night came and I started praying lying straight in the bed. Disturbance continued and so was I. The level of intensity was changing. Sometimes it became very high and sometimes I found myself lost in other thoughts but I didn’t stop. Then all that insult and humiliation, which I faced in the court some days ago, flashed in my mind. Tears started flowing from the eyes and all of a sudden intensity reached at the level which was never achieved before. Now my whole concentration was on the mantras. At that moment the whole of me was involved in praying instead of hearing the echo. There was nothing else in the mind. I do not remember exactly how much time passed but it was certainly more than usual. I had almost forgotten about my body. Then a slight shivering started to happen all over my body. It shivering was a bit like as we use to feel during the high fever but less intense and it was not felt all over the body at the same time. It was happening at the different part of the body at different times. This continued for some minutes. Then I felt that as my existence was shrinking. It was feeling as air within my body was moving from my legs towards head. Within around a minute, consciousness reached in the head and a very strong vibration occurred in ears. This vibration lasted for few seconds. Then I felt as my whole existence was slowly moving out from my body through my head.
The sensation of this experience was so imposing and unique that I forgot praying. I was lying straight on the bed so my head was at the corner of the bed which was about 2 feet high from the floor. The movement of my inner self, while leaving my physical body, was very unusual. First of all my head moved out then the rest of body followed in a slow process which lasted around 15-20 seconds instead of any one off or sudden move. Furthermore, the form of my body was different from the usual human one’s as I felt myself crawling through the vertical portion of the bed to the floor in a slow motion. I moved slowly 4-5 feet forward and my whole inner self came out from my body. At that moment, I felt very clearly as a reptile as I had neither feeling any hands or legs because when I tried to raise my head, the muscles of the neck responded instead of hands. My whole consciousness was concentrated in my eyes. There was something on my head as I was feeling its presence there. I am not sure but it was something like a small ring or crown like thing as it felt due to its metallic touch. I crawled towards the door of my bedroom which opened in a hall. I passed the door and moved along. After crawling some more feet I reached by a showpiece which used to happen there in the hall all the time. This showpiece consists of a two feet stand and a big and hollow bowl of bronze on the top of it. Now I was crawling with the help of my hands so I thought that I should touch it and see whether I was able to do it or not so I stopped there and tried to stand on my feet. I was able to stand tall now but certainly not on my feet. I felt myself standing on the toe of my body as a snake because there was no feeling of legs. I tried to see myself but I was not able to do it. Now I tried to touch the pot slowly but my hand went through the pot and it didn’t move. I tried it 2-3 times but the result was the same. Then I tried with my full force and this time hand stroked the pot and it fell down on the floor with a loud sound. Hearing that sound, I thought that this might awake other members of the family, so I shouldn’t be there any more in this state. As this thought came in my mind, I was back in my physical body. What I mean to say is that there was absolutely no time difference between the thought of going back to the body appearing in the mind and founding myself in the body. It happened at the speed of thought. This was the first time when I realized that thoughts, even being non physical, may have impact on physical things.
So this was my first OBE though I came to know this terminology later. After coming back in the body, I felt very tired. I was not able to move my body for some minutes literally. It was appearing that that process had drained all my physical power. Then, after about 5 minutes, when I became normal, I thought that I should check that pot which fell down by the stroke of my hand. I came into the hall and to my surprise; the pot was on the stand as usual though I saw that falling on the floor and moreover I heard the sound of falling. I came back to my bed and tried to recall all that happened. A thought came in my mind that perhaps all that was my illusion or a lucid dream but my mind refused to buy this logic. There were two scenarios. The first scenario was that the pot fell. It was true as I myself witnessed it. The second scenario was that it didn’t fell. This was also true as it was on the stand right now but logically both scenarios can’t be true though it was appearing. It was beyond my reasoning capability……
Up to now there was not much of physical interaction with them except that slight touch and shake that they used to disturb me during meditation……
I have to live alone away from my home since last 15 years due to my job. That incident was happened just a couple of months after when I left home for the first time. I was working as a site supervisor in a small construction company. It was my first assignment. I had to stand and walk a lot which was perhaps a new thing for me. After spending a month there I found that I was suffering from sentinel pile. Initially I was feeling a mild pain so I ignored it as I thought that it will be normal automatically but that didn’t happen. The size of the bud was increasing with each passing day. At last one day the pain became almost unbearable. I was either not able to walk nor to sit properly. My family was 700 km away from me and they could not help me so I decided not to tell them about my illness as they would become unduly worried. There was no one to share and help me. I knew that even consulting doctors would not give me any immediate relief as they would advise to operate the bud and at that moment I had neither time nor money for operation.
I went back to my room, cover myself with two blankets as it was winter season and lay down in the bed. But the bud was causing pain even lying flat on my back so I turned over on my stomach. This pose gave me some relief. I started repeating mantras in my mind and after some minutes I felt that something else was also there in my room. Although, there was nothing was visible, but I could sense the change in the atmosphere of the room. I stopped praying and then I felt that something was all over my body. The touch was certainly not human. It was like a slight cold but very smooth touch. It was very similar to the feeling when we use a hair drier in slow speed but the touch was of some live thing instead of any mechanical instrument. It was causing me to shiver slightly even inside two thick blankets. It caresses my body for some time with its velvet touch. The experience was so wonderful that I almost forgot my pain and calm down to some extent as my sixth sense told me that whatsoever it was; it came to take care of me.
Then that touch concentrated around my hips. Now the coldness of the touch was gone and it grew slight warmer than my body and I clearly felt the weight of that entity as my hips pressed. It was feeling like some soft pillows were put on my hips. I felt my hips parted and it touched the bud. The more surprising thing was that those thick blankets were still on but they were able to do all this like there was nothing and I was laying naked there. I can’t explain it precisely but it was like hot air or feather moving around the bud. I did not know how longer it continued because I fell asleep immediately. To my surprise when I awoke next morning, the pain was almost gone though I had slight unusual feeling around the bud. I went for my work as usual that day. The same procedure was repeated next night. It became absolutely perfect in the second morning. I tried to feel for the bud with my fingers but there was no sign of it……
.
So I decided that from hereon I would not eat anything until it was over or I would rather die fasting. The first day passed with quite difficulty. It was easier on the second day and by the third day, it became normal. On the fourth day, there was no feeling of hunger. I was feeling very light but slightly week. I had to go to the court that day for the hearing. My home was about a mile away from where I used to get public transport so I had to walk every time whenever I had to go somewhere. The weakness had been increased by the time I returned from the court and almost fainted during the walk.
When I started meditating as usual in the night, after some time, a face of an elderly lady flashed before my closed eyes. Some conversation was going on with her but I was able to get only some broken parts of that but I knew that the issue was my fasting. Then I saw a hand holding a spoon and immediately felt that something was passing through my throat and all of a sudden my stomach was full as I would had taken complete meal though I did not even opened my mouth…….
During childhood, I was very weak physically and very much prone to illness. I developed very severe asthma at the age of 8- 9. It troubled me for some years. At 13, I started playing badminton and was very good at it. Perhaps that physical exercise helped me fighting asthma and I was almost cured of it by the age of 20. I was not having attacks more that 2 or 3 times in a year after that.
Like most asthmatic patients, cold conditions do not suit me since childhood. One day, I saw a young man riding on a chariot in a snow in a dream and heard someone saying that he should not come to such cold environment and now he has to suffer the consequences. I awake just after hearing that and found that I was suffering from very sever asthmatic attack. It was almost unbearable. Hereafter, once again, asthma became a faithful companion and continued to be so for almost 5 years. I had to keep inhaler with me all the time and have to take 2mg of asthielne each night before sleeping….
Once I saw in the dream that my family doctor had come to visit me and assured me that he would take care of me. Some days later, I saw in another dream that I was taken to the hospital by the same doctor. Many checkups were done I was supposed to undergo an operation of my throat. All was set and I was on the operating table and the dream ends here. By the next morning, I was cured from the asthma. About 8-9 years had been passed since then and I have not taken any medicine so far.[/i]
Although the list is very long but I think that that all that would be enough to clear what I want to say.
I intentionally deleted my cogitations and restricted myself to the extent of experiences so that others would not get biased and can be able to draw their own conclusions.
I want to apologize in advance to the posters because I may not able to reply to their posts for some days but I would try.
with love,
sanjay
