I don’t have views on masculinity save for this, If your trying too hard, you ain’t got it.
Women try hard to be female, and they have it.
House is a wise thing to have if your having a kid. I didn’t always have one from Toddler to Kindergarten, I wasn’t taught how to read, or talk, so had a bad speech impediment, and ran around in homeless shelters for single mothers in the Yuba City and Stockton areas of California fighting Mexicans when I was little in the mid 80s. My mother couldn’t afford to buy my math books in 6th grade, so I never officially advanced beyond that, I sat in the class clueless, flunking everything. I went from being the top math student to the weakest. It took me years of reading the history of mathematics, studying various writers from around the world, to get to where I am today.
Fact of the matter is, 99.9 percent if children lack the capacity to upright themselves via Extroverted Sensory modes coupled with Logical Introspection. (ES + NT in MBTI, a IN reverts to ES when IN isn’t working, and works it out logically, figuring out he is deficient, and figuring out how to fix the situation).
Most people, if denied education, would remain ignorant. If physically injured, and denied help, would remain broken, if outcast, would hold a grudge against the world. While I may thrive just fine on that fault line between life and death, poverty and despair, most just crumble and turn viscious.
I hold there for to the Stoic and Aristotelian Ethic, that the family is the first stage of a society, and a philosopher, if possible, should have children, even if it is a distraction to him. In my case, I would simply want them, for the sake of having them. Can I survive without a house? Yes. Can a marriage survive, little kids survive? No. Why I was so hard on joker once he realized his girlfriend was pregnant, and deciding to remain homeless, I was literally plotting to track him down, which would of involved me leaving Hawaii and The Honolulu Philosophy Group to go up to Minnesota, crossing two mountain ranges in the dead of winter, to beat the sense into him. Luckily, he got her out of the cold. Unless you live in Micronesia, you need a house for the woman.
What else? Oh… That reporter is absolutely ugly. This is the reporter I have a massive crush on:
Erica Mokay
She more or less scores a 10 out of 10 in terms of everything I like in terms of looks, presentation, style, how she talks, etc. If we ever met, without even looking at her, she would undoubtedly just pepper spray me with her spider sense, knowing I Googled her blog just to fawn over her like a creep.
She is very feminine. She is also very extroverted, and has very strong facial expressions, and a great voice, and is a social darling. I’m between a caveman and Robin Williams from What Dreams May Come, and am certainly lacking in facial expressions, lack a voice, not a social darling- I can put forth charisma enough to lead a discussion decisively in a group, but let’s face it, you’ll never catch me dancing or singing, or getting excited visibly. I might as well be dragging around a club and have some antelope legs tied over my shoulder, or dressed in Roman Armor. I’m not a good fit look wise in any other category, and don’t belong to any in crowd.
I only like very femine women. Period… but seeing how many marriages work out over the years, I know following my gut instinct isn’t wise. I’m very leery of women who ask me out, because I increasingly see they are just party girls, but don’t really ever ask women out either. I’m more or less a watcher of my own history, and others histories as I’ve seen it.
I’m thinking it might just be wiser to settle for a rather plain and stable looking woman, who won’t cause needless marital problems, who I know won’t be the disaster my mother was. Not because I want to control her like Pandora likely thinks, but because I need to hedge me bet that if I just keep my mouth shut and sit down to dinner each night I’m home, be it she or myself cooking, one of us can watch over the kids as they do homework, watch their friends play inside or out, make sure they are saying away from the bad kids (bad kids = all if you) and have sufficient enough of a education that they can choose their career path.
You know what happened to my younger brothers and sisters? Two are repeat felons, for heroine and theft. Completely destroyed, can die any time. One was a tranny for a while when my mother ran away (yes, she ran away, fucking crack head), but decided instead to become a minister in Protestant church, get married. I’ve told you that before.
Next youngest was adopted, and saved early enough, last I heard he was a piano prodegy, taking advanced elementary school courses. They tried shoving me in those classes, but I felt uncomfortable being taken away from the neighborhood kids. In his case, he can go be a doctor or a senator or leader in the corporate world.
I have a younger sister I never met, trapped with my mother. All I know is she has tattoos and was kicked out of school for calling in bomb threats. As to my father’s side of the family, I never met him in person, I’m certain his household being a history teacher out in California provided well for his family, most of them… he appears to of missed a child.
My simple goal is to avoid a repeat. My genetics are sound, in the sense I sustained a intellect, grew it against every frictive cost, and am much smarter and better read than most who live in my civilization. I survive under extreme circumstances, and I appreciate this fact, for it allows me to plan tough paths forward.
So my instinct is for very pretty, femine women, but I also hate airheads, or weak women. I doubt I could ever love a woman who I thought was less than me. I prefer one better, I’m not turned off by that at all, just unlikely that will ever happen. That safe bet, of picking a safe woman, I don’t know if I will actually do that, or if I would hold out for a impossible woman. I’m not much deserving anymore of the kind of woman I’m attracted to. My body feels the wear and tear my my injuries over the years. I’ve become even more solitary and silent, and can go days without speaking. I more or less just trod on, getting flashes of memories from distant places and times, some painful, some beautiful. I’m obsessed with ending the drug epidemic, it has taken from my family and has killed so many. The business I started was so I coukd finish my task I started in the war, and the drug war here- a functional shortbwave Ultra Violet Camera could see explosive residue as well as drug residue.I coukd stop most terrorust attacks before they start, abd map out every drug lab, and spot every drug user on the street instantky with it. I need $6000 dollar for the next (and main) component, as comnercial UV caneras dont reach that low into the needed range.
What happens once I do that? Once it hits the news, a few neighborhood watches build them pee my plans, a few governments start installing them in airpirts, subways, bust intersections, on cop cars? I’m not patenting anything, goal is for any abd every company to start mass manufacturing, for a global front on drugs. So nobody else has to watch their family members succumb one by one to this. Do I start my family? Do I put out ads I have a camper van, two bikes, two kayaks, want a girlfriend to go with it? Do I start that farm, the farm I never fatm on, and have sheep I’m too attached to ever slaughter, and grow old, with a eife and kids and grandkids?
A part of me says it isnt going to happen, didnt happen in the past, and my future is always going to be carrying a rucksack on the open road, city by city, looking for problems to study and solve, moving on again, seeing young men eho obe looked like me walk around holding the hands of the women Im instinctively attractive too. One day, in some feral land, a stroke ir dehydration eill kick in, I will fall over, rotting where I drop, my wikipage barely noting my existence, desth unknoen, and the slow creep of centuries whenthe occasional enthusiast comes along, spots obe of my hand written manyscripts asking nit to be photocopied or made electrobic, only replicated by hand, shocked by my ideas, but dying likewise himself, centuries seperating my enthusuasts
Right now, in this moment, my gut says this latter. I will accept the judgment of history, as long as I can end these terror and drug wars. I’m in a exceptionally good position to trigger it. If I fade away, so what? At least others won’t suffer like I did.
I’m not too happy thinking about it, butbI do anyway, looking my mortality dead in the face each day. I’m aching, don’t feel young despite being 33. Don’t feel attractive anymore. I can paradoxially solve any problem, push mankind in any direction I ultimately feel it myst go, and aporiach the ways and meabs of i stituting it pragmaticalky, but the very simpke things of life seem utterly aloof. I’m a INTJ, one completely caved in, in terms of intimacy. I don’t know if I got it in e anymore, or if I’m a increasingly distant stranger in this world, performing a few tasks my biology made me supurb at handling better than anyone on the nations of duty and responsibility, eben if it kills me.
So… how do you think I eould take the rest of your bizarre statements? Masculinity has no real meaning to me, never was a concept I clung onto. Vaguely rememver puttung a belt over my shirtless chest as a kid, humming the Indiana Jones Theme. Could I go up to someone like that pretty reporter, woo her? Probably not, I’m just not attractive anymore, and got nothing worthy to offer her in mysekf in exchange. I’m only attracted to pretty strong women.I’m hopelessly fucked in that situation short of being stranded with one in a liferaft, snd think I will be miserable eith a safer bet, through I’m certain I would force myself to believe it worked swell, with my little house, kids toys in storage, kid driving for the first time, growing old, in the same spot, same city, same house. Never leaving. Just building a coffin in suburbia.Coffin Suburbia. With neighbors. Like Ned Flanders. How high can I build that fence? I was a arctic paratrooper, I have seen distant labds, read the best works of literature, challenged myself to seek out the hardest problems mankind has, and Ned Fucking Flanders and my plsin, safe bet wife are on either side of the fence, and my rucksack hangs in my study, just looking at it daily, collecting dust, meaningless to everyone its importabce, till I clurltch my chest in a heart attack and die.
Maybe that us masculinity? I don’t know? I know those pics and descriptions you provided arent masculine. I know the reporter you provided certainly isn’t femine. I’m just isolated in a painful grind, I see people dying around me constantly, and I get frustrated, knoeing Im ultimately the solution. I was designed by nstute to solve it, and am financually paced out brutally slow in solvig it, do I will get there, I will study in the meantime, build up my skillset, ply my trade, study anither philosophy or history text, answer the increasingly rare question someone poses to me in philosophy, and just watch a very attractive brunette on TV without a wedding ring on make staged flirty faces with the TV canera to hundreds of thousands of viewers, thst being the sole damn source of femine contact I make for the next year or so till my camera prototype is finished, so I can drop it on DARPA, and flee… into a sufficating safe marriage, or a hosrile distant cityscape, because I am clueless socially, and can’t maje that bridge.
And Vin Diesel isn’t gay. He has a wife and kids. I don’t know why everyone keeps insisting he is. I like the riddick series, waiting for Riddick 4,could care less if he was gay or not, but he says he isn’t, and his wife seems certain of this too. That other shit is gibberish you wrote. I don’t know why you do that. I’m not even masculine, so asking me what it is isn’t the wisest idea. I just know it isn’t machoism, or trying too hard to be a man. I think a man just simply put, “IS”. If he is needing to interpreted shit through extra lenses, he needlessly complicated it. Women only come onto me when I’m least expecting it. I don’t think I qualify at those moments, but just somehow do.