I finally got to say everything i wanted to say on a message board as an archive, and now I think I’ll just get bored. I ran my proofs for things that mattered most to me at which I am an expert, even though perhaps some people still debating with me don’t see them, so I don’t see much point for further discussion. ILP is the best forum online.
Hello Ec, are You speaking metaphorically? I do not quite understand the feelings and thoughts behind Your lines. Could You put it in different terms? You are not going away? Because You can get a sense of that from Your expressions, or maybe You may want to live it like that, in which case I would try to understand.
Oh THAT!! Sorry I wasn’t clear enough… I think just for ILP. I probably wouldn’t suicide unless I could make suicide clinics legal. Suicidal tension keeps me alive, not my desire to live… so I’ll probably still be around for awhile, unless some being possesses me to suicide against my will with high suicidal tension, which is entirely possible, though most people don’t have experiences with things like that so they probably wouldn’t believe me or know what to say.
The tension is almost unbearable, I too have to live with that,many i too only gather it second hand from the suicide of my beloved youngest son five years ago. Most everybody who loved him, including his wife and daughter, are not kind toward his act, in fact they are very preturbed by it and even angry at him, for calling it an irresponsible act. I don’t know, his older brother, let it go quizzically even brushing it off with saying, ‘He decided to check out early’.
As far as You go, I don’t like sentimentality, I don’t cherish the thought of You leaving even ILP. But boredom? That is a killer, and to escape it, is tatamount to the stress having to deal with the thought of suicide. At least for me, an unexamined life is not worth living.
Well…statistically suicide cause more suicide… but if that were true we’d all be dead. I think your sons family environment suggests people that couldn’t keep him alive anyways, if that’s how they responded to it. It’s important to be understood, and I don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know this man was not understood by his family. I’m sorry for your loss. I think however, that suicide is noble given the right conditions, and wouldn’t hold it against your son, some people don’t realize how offensive they are, maybe not just his family for not understanding, but the world at large. I think we’re all responsible for suicide, not just one person or a few people. I think people who suicide tend to be the most sensitive people on earth. Those are the people you WANT to keep here, and we fail at that miserably IMO.
If You were to read the complex set of incidences leading to His decision, Should would understand. He has never lived at home, since he was in junior high he has lived in Catholic insitutions, and while he was sensitive, he came home only a weekend a month.
He wasn’t secretive, he was he wanted to keep personal things to himself.
We tried to listen to him, and I Remeber the time
when going out the door, on one of his visits home,
on the way back to the Theology School, where He was studying to become a priest, I did turn on my heel and asked him if He was ok, and then he
answered saliently, ‘Dad, You do not have to worry
about me, I am grown up’
He was selected to go to Rome to finish his Theology,
and be ordained, but things got in the way. His
psychiatrist expressed the opinion, that it was completely unexpected.
That No one understood Him is not the way I see it,
He lived in a Brotherhood of like minded men, and
His regular confessor was His best buddy When his regular confessor killed himself i. His room while my son was visiting him in the seminary, was something
I never learned after I read the manuscript which he
asked me in a farewell letter to publish.
My guilt’s source is very deep , along with my family,
and although I have shared this before, I wanted to
share it with You, in order show, that the effects are beyond words to describe.
Forgive me for mentioning this,
but whenever suicide is mentioned, it brings it out of me.
Thank You for listening.
You don’t have to apologize for talking about suicide to someone who feels the urge to do it every second of every day for 22 years because their life is a living hell… I once told a barmaid as my birthday was approaching that I really want to stop eating food and drinking water for my birthday present, I told this to several people who were immediate friends and family as well, and i was quite serious, I told my friends and family not to call the police on me when i do it, and she called the police on me… the police came to my house and handcuffed me and took me to a psych hospital for evaluation. I just said I thought everyone was a psychopath and I didn’t want to be here anymore, he laughed and let me go home =) Even the officer who arrested me thought it was funny. But for some bizarre reason, even talking about suicide is so taboo, that i wasn’t allowed back into that bar, which isn’t really a big deal to me anyways… but i ran into another barkeep and told him the story, and he said he’s been suicidal for years as well and has attempted several times, and he said, “I don’t give a shit if you kill yourself.” And to a suicidal person, oddly enough, that feels like love… or kindness as I like to say, and he asked me if I cared if he killed himself, and I told him I know enough about what people can go through in life not to force someone to stay, but if you do it, I hope you feel no pain, and in return he felt like he had met one of his closest friends. He laughed about the story with the other bar and said I was welcome at his bar anytime.
But I’ve been needing to save money anyways and can’t really afford bar-life. Anyways, it’s one of my passions in life to make suicide legal and to have suicide clinics, it actually gets around the non-consent of birth problem, and to have people be passionate about getting those suicide rates down when it’s extremely easy to do, because I think that’s the only way to make the world better, I actually think there is no other way to make this world better than that.