I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

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I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby The Golden Turd » Mon Jan 16, 2017 10:21 am

That's like, my top wish. Happens a lot in the morning, I'm waking up, dreaming two, three women are around me, then I wake up, it is a fucking cat next to my head, purring, wanting food.

Fuck you cat.
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby Mr Reasonable » Mon Jan 16, 2017 10:49 am

You probably have cat hair all over your clothes.
You see...a pimp's love is very different from that of a square.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down they want some too.

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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby surreptitious57 » Mon Jan 16, 2017 12:00 pm


No blow jobs for you Turd because you are celibate so go feed the cat and stop dreaming about sex
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby The Golden Turd » Mon Jan 16, 2017 7:23 pm

Supermodels don't suck off guys with cat hair?
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby Mr Reasonable » Tue Jan 17, 2017 2:25 am

Nope.
You see...a pimp's love is very different from that of a square.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down they want some too.

What exactly is logic? -Magnus Anderson

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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby The Golden Turd » Tue Jan 17, 2017 3:41 am

If I use a lint brush, will they?
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby Mr Reasonable » Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:55 am

If you do it right and remove all the cat hair, and if you don't smell like cats, then maybe.
You see...a pimp's love is very different from that of a square.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down they want some too.

What exactly is logic? -Magnus Anderson

Support the innocence project on AmazonSmile instead of Turd's African savior biker dude.
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby Mictlantecuhtli » Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:23 am

Let me guess, you woke up today and had a wet dream where you're extrapolating what your fantasy was before you woke up.
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby The Golden Turd » Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:39 am

No, never had a wet dream.
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby Mictlantecuhtli » Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:54 am

Turd Ferguson wrote:No, never had a wet dream.

Liar.
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby The Golden Turd » Tue Jan 17, 2017 9:58 am

Honestly, never. Wack off way too much to ever have any extra for when I sleep.
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby Mictlantecuhtli » Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:02 am

Turd Ferguson wrote:Honestly, never. Wack off way too much to ever have any extra for when I sleep.


Be careful not to poke an eye out.
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby The Golden Turd » Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:07 am

It's only six inches long, thankfully it can't reach my eye, cause if it could reach my eye, it could reach my mouth, and that's just no good. I wouldn't want to live in a world where guys could suck their own cocks, no no no no no.
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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby Mictlantecuhtli » Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:19 am

Turd Ferguson wrote:It's only six inches long, thankfully it can't reach my eye, cause if it could reach my eye, it could reach my mouth, and that's just no good. I wouldn't want to live in a world where guys could suck their own cocks, no no no no no.


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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby A Shieldmaiden » Tue Jan 17, 2017 1:31 pm

Turd's new name Dirk Diggler

https://vimeo.com/17054798


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Re: I wish female models would give me BJs when I wake up.

Postby The Golden Turd » Tue Jan 17, 2017 2:30 pm

More like Hand Solo :(
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