## Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

Share and discuss.

### Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

I used to play the alto saxaphone. I learned when I was 12 and played until I was 19, and I was very good, if I do say so myself. Then, I'm not sure what happened but my saxaphone didn't work anymore. I looked it over a hundred times and couldn't figure out what was wrong with it, and was also broke and homeless so couldn't afford to get it fixed, so I got rid of it and haven't played since. Today, I was on eBay just kind of fucking around and decided to look up saxaphones in the musical instrument section. As soon as I saw a picture of an alto, I got this awful feeling in my gut, like I could cry. I want to play again so badly. My creative outlets have turned towards sketching, painting, and writing in the past few years, but oh, to make music again would be so lovely, and I absolutely adore the saxaphone (and have since I was about 5). I think I'm going to have to look into purchasing a sax, and a few books as a refresher.

That's all I wanted to say.
"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: 'It's not where you take things from - it's where you take them to.'" - Jim Jarmusch

Blurry
fuck

Posts: 4358
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:18 pm

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

As you reminisced, I could see you playing. It was something surreal.

I say go for it. Don't wait another minute. Go. Get that Sax, you twisted, passionate artisan.

Write, draw, make music. Let it intoxicate you. Do it all because you can.

Let your spirit soar, and only ever pause to laugh with pure glee.

Bring the awesome as your fans revel in the presence of pure brilliance.

May you awaken the neighbors.
sangrain
wait a minute...

Posts: 1304
Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:19 am

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

sangrain wrote:As you reminisced, I could see you playing. It was something surreal.

I say go for it. Don't wait another minute. Go. Get that Sax, you twisted, passionate artisan.

Write, draw, make music. Let it intoxicate you. Do it all because you can.

Let your spirit soar, and only ever pause to laugh with pure glee.

Bring the awesome as your fans revel in the presence of pure brilliance.

May you awaken the neighbors.

Sandy, I have this sneaking suspicion that you're making fun of me.
"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: 'It's not where you take things from - it's where you take them to.'" - Jim Jarmusch

Blurry
fuck

Posts: 4358
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:18 pm

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

BlurredSavant wrote:Sandy, I have this sneaking suspicion that you're making fun of me.

I only speak truth, scary as it may seem.

So, let suspicion fall to the wayside.

Stop sneaking, and start becoming.

Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, untether those insecurities.

Become who you are.

Have I spent all my melodramatic capital on this moment? Perhaps. But it's worth it.
sangrain
wait a minute...

Posts: 1304
Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:19 am

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

Seriously. You may think I'm making fun, but I am not. There's something about you.

You have the spark and kindling. I just can't wait to see the flame. No, a blaze.

Whenever I can make it here, you are now one of the few people I like reading. For example, I consider posters like Faust, WL, and Rainey to be the most dangerous, in a good way. I like Anita's, or is that Anitas's, methodical approach (whenever she can drop by). Smears is just brilliant. You? I like the way you explore. There's a kind of quirky freedom about you. For some odd reason you make me want to root for you.

So when you mentioned getting back into passions, I couldn't help but let it all hang out. Sorry.

Not that I want you to blow your wad prematurely (saving money is important), but I can imagine you acquiring one of those HD handycams and uploading your sax sessions on youtube, while you display some of your artwork in the background, right after you've read an excerpt from your writings.
sangrain
wait a minute...

Posts: 1304
Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:19 am

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

Well, I was going to buy one, but then I remembered that I live in an apartment building, so it may not be the best idea. I'm pretty sure I'd get bitched at for the noise level.

I'm only here until November, though. Then, of course, I'm not sure of where I'm headed, but perhaps I'll end up in a place where I can play again.
"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: 'It's not where you take things from - it's where you take them to.'" - Jim Jarmusch

Blurry
fuck

Posts: 4358
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:18 pm

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

Bummer. I guess drawing and writing it is, then (ooh, a picture book). Can't wait to see what you come up with.

Are they kicking you out of the program in November, going back to school, or are they transferring you elsewhere?
sangrain
wait a minute...

Posts: 1304
Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:19 am

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

Well, right now I have some options. I am applying for full-time permanent USDA-FS jobs when they come up. Just yesterday I applied for a job in Golden, Colorado. I'm qualified for it, and I've got excellent references, so we'll see what happens. If I don't find a job, and Job Corps doesn't find a job for me, I'll end up going back there for awhile. Then, I could apply for advanced training. There are a couple different advanced training options I would consider, namely TCU (Transportation/Communications Union) or Resident Advisor (so I could go work at a Job Corps. Woo.)

Or, you know, I could just say "Gimme my money, bitch," take my completion money, and bail. But then...well, then I have to look for a job on my own, with no resources, and would probably end up in some factory somewhere. Meh.
"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: 'It's not where you take things from - it's where you take them to.'" - Jim Jarmusch

Blurry
fuck

Posts: 4358
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:18 pm

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

I bought some (actually too many) instruments, recently. (Ebay)
Mostly very cheap one under $50. And they usually require some adjustment or minor repair. But some were dirt cheap yet perfectly playable or even brand new. You have to be lucky or spend time to win a good one at low price, though. As long as you bid on a cheap instrument, it doesn't cost a lot. And very interesting to compare different models. Only problem I have is that I'm running out of the space to keep my instruments (and boxes and cases) and running out of time to take care of them (polishing, adjusting, repairing and restoration), and most importantly, playing them. Please put me in your ignore list if you don't like what I write. I don't mind it at all Since it's not my intention to increase the suffering of others, please don't read my posts if you don't like them. I do think existence, awareness, material, beings, and humans including you and me to be insane and stupid for structural reasons and from observable behaviors. I don't think most humans have the preference for logical honesty/integrity that would make us to think in reasonable manner. I don't think most of us have enough emotional stability to face simple anxiety and fear including existential anxiety. And I like to think and dig things many of us don't really want to see. Combination of these may make some of you uncomfortable, irritated, and turn into emotional, irrational, and even fanatic mental state. So, please ignore my posts if you don't like them or if they make you feel uneasy. Thank you for your understanding. Nah Philosopher Posts: 1964 Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2008 3:31 pm ### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing Nah wrote:I bought some (actually too many) instruments, recently. (Ebay) Mostly very cheap one under$50. And they usually require some adjustment or minor repair.
But some were dirt cheap yet perfectly playable or even brand new.
You have to be lucky or spend time to win a good one at low price, though.

As long as you bid on a cheap instrument, it doesn't cost a lot.
And very interesting to compare different models.
Only problem I have is that I'm running out of the space to keep my instruments (and boxes and cases) and running out of time to take care of them (polishing, adjusting, repairing and restoration), and most importantly, playing them.

I found a used sax on eBay for $99, with free shipping. The add says it plays like new, so if that's true this would be an excellent deal. Of course, I've established that I can't really buy one now, as I have nowhere to play it. I could always hold onto it for use at a later date, but it would drive me mad, to look at it and not be able to play it. "Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: 'It's not where you take things from - it's where you take them to.'" - Jim Jarmusch Blurry fuck Posts: 4358 Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:18 pm ### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing You know, Blurred, the weather is warm outside. You can easily go to the beach and play. After you've ironed the bugs out, try putting a hat on the ground in front of you as you play to see if people drop some coin. I'm sure you have parks somewhere in the neighborhood. Isn't the Upper Peninsular a mostly wooded area? You can play to the Deer, Bears, and the occasional Cougar (No Anita, I am not talking about you ... no matter what tentative says, I don't think you're there yet). So, yeah, many options. Go for it. sangrain wait a minute... Posts: 1304 Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:19 am ### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing Blurred, Most of us know when we're going to regret DOING something. Don't put yourself in the position of regretting NOT DOING something. We rarely get to take those moments back... Go play. Anita, I'm sorry Sandy drug you into this. Didn't you tell him about the Christmas party? I mean, it was just a spur of the moment thing but... uhhh, I wasn't supposed to mention that was I? Oops. <edit> I knowing nothing about any Christmas party! Nothing at all. IGAYRCCFYVM Sorry, arguing with the ignorant is like trying to wrestle with a jellyfish. No matter how many tentacles you cut off there are always more, and there isn't even a brain to stun. - Maia I don't take know for an answer. tentative . Posts: 12214 Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:14 pm Location: Idaho ### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing Wait a minute, how can I possibly drug Anita when she's all the way on the other side of the Universe? Are you sure they didn't spike your drinks at the party? Oh, I guess you were too wasted to remember there ever being a party. Anita, if Tent offers you a drink (even if it's a Sangria), RUN. Potent stuff, derailer. Okay, Now I'm 'somewhat' done. Anyway, Blurred, I'm still rooting for you. sangrain wait a minute... Posts: 1304 Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:19 am ### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing See? you're doing it again! Blurred it's not my fault! I was just defending Anita for a moment of impetuousness, and... shit. Why do I even try? Sandy, you are evil... IGAYRCCFYVM Sorry, arguing with the ignorant is like trying to wrestle with a jellyfish. No matter how many tentacles you cut off there are always more, and there isn't even a brain to stun. - Maia I don't take know for an answer. tentative . Posts: 12214 Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:14 pm Location: Idaho ### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing All I can say is – you guys must REALLY be bored. Well okay, if you’re gonna twist my arm, I guess I could say more. Blurred, any desire so painful that it makes you want to cry should be indulged if possible, and I’m sorry you’re not able to do so right now. Like sangrain said, I can easily see you playing sax; for some reason I picture you wailing on the blues or jazz, à la Charlie Parker perhaps? (Also, kudos for inspiring such unbridled enthusiasm in sangrain – he doesn’t gush like that for just anybody you know.) Also best of luck on the job possibility in Golden, it sounds like you have a very good chance, and it may be just the adventure you’re looking for. sangrain and JT, why I am feeling very grateful that I didn’t go to high school with you two? “Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs.” - Leo Tolstoy "Fair and softly goes far." - Miguel de Cervantes AnitaS Philosopher Posts: 1642 Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 1:51 am Location: L'Étoile du Nord ### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing Hi sweetness, sangrain and JT, why I am feeling very grateful that I didn’t go to high school with you two? You were just lucky? Ah, but just think of the stories you could tell your children! Growing older is a given, but growing up is an option. Think about all the fun you've missed! Of course, with Sandy you probably would have ended up in jail. With me, just a few years in a mental institution... IGAYRCCFYVM Sorry, arguing with the ignorant is like trying to wrestle with a jellyfish. No matter how many tentacles you cut off there are always more, and there isn't even a brain to stun. - Maia I don't take know for an answer. tentative . Posts: 12214 Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:14 pm Location: Idaho ### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing BlurredSavant wrote: I found a used sax on eBay for$99, with free shipping. The add says it plays like new, so if that's true this would be an excellent deal. Of course, I've established that I can't really buy one now, as I have nowhere to play it. I could always hold onto it for use at a later date, but it would drive me mad, to look at it and not be able to play it.

For alto, it seems $100 is the popular price range for basic instrument. You may be able to get a lot better instrument if you add another$100 or 200, though.

I don't think it would bother neighbors too much if you practice in ppp, and it can be a very good training, as well.
And you can always go outside to play louder. You can even join a band, too.

Please put me in your ignore list if you don't like what I write. I don't mind it at all
Since it's not my intention to increase the suffering of others, please don't read my posts if you don't like them.
I do think existence, awareness, material, beings, and humans including you and me to be insane and stupid for structural reasons and from observable behaviors.
I don't think most humans have the preference for logical honesty/integrity that would make us to think in reasonable manner.
I don't think most of us have enough emotional stability to face simple anxiety and fear including existential anxiety.
And I like to think and dig things many of us don't really want to see.
Combination of these may make some of you uncomfortable, irritated, and turn into emotional, irrational, and even fanatic mental state.
So, please ignore my posts if you don't like them or if they make you feel uneasy.

Nah
Philosopher

Posts: 1964
Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2008 3:31 pm

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

tentative wrote:Think about all the fun you've missed!

Well, I can't disagree with that, no doubt it would've been fun; I was just thinking about the havoc you two can wreak on an innocent person's reputation, if only by association.

It's downright shameful.

(ps. Happy Father's Day, JT! umm...you too, sangrain?)

“Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs.”
- Leo Tolstoy

"Fair and softly goes far."
- Miguel de Cervantes

AnitaS
Philosopher

Posts: 1642
Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 1:51 am
Location: L'Étoile du Nord

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

It's downright shameful.

Yes dear, you're right. I'm ashamed. I just remember another website far far away where you scared the living hell out of me. It made no difference what I said, you one-upped me every time. But maybe you've turned a new leaf? It was a long time ago...

Hope there is peace and joy at your house this day.
IGAYRCCFYVM
Sorry, arguing with the ignorant is like trying to wrestle with a jellyfish. No matter how many tentacles you cut off there are always more, and there isn't even a brain to stun. - Maia

I don't take know for an answer.
tentative
.

Posts: 12214
Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:14 pm
Location: Idaho

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

O Anita, I would quit you if only you weren't so addictive. Don't get me wrong, I see the flame, but I just stop flying towards it.

AnitaS wrote:sangrain and JT, why I am feeling very grateful that I didn’t go to high school with you two?

I don't blame you for blocking it out. It's probably for the best. I mean, who would want to hold on to memories of imprisonment in a mental asylum with tentative? Didn't know you guys went to such a tough high school. Was the Christmas part a reunion of sorts? Innocent person's reputation my.... Oh, sorry, I almost forgot my manners. Hanging around Tent can do that to you. It's just that under that petite, unassuming, exterior - by the way, I'm talking about you, Anita, not Tent - lies a dangerous firecracker (have you met rainey? Did you guys go to high school together?). Anyway, thanks for, yet again, gracing us with your presence. You classed up the joint (why are you snickering, Tent?). Now I can rest easy ... with one eye open, while standing, with my back against the wall, whistling Dixie, just in case.

Sax? What sax? Who said anything about a Sax? Ohhhh, that's what this thread is all about. Why do you guys keep doing that, yeah, I'm looking at you, Tent.

I think I'll just excuse myself from this campy romp. I can only imagine poor Blurred checking in on Monday only to, yet again, find this. Shameful.

Twist.
sangrain
wait a minute...

Posts: 1304
Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:19 am

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

Hmmmm, I don't know.... I'd probably be willing to do a few years in a mental institution with Anita. We could learn to play the sax. They do have those in mental institutions don't they, Sandy? You never said much about those years...

Blurred, just remember who started this. It wasn't me. Anita and I are just innocent bystanders, victims of of a twisted mind. We don't care what you play, just play.
IGAYRCCFYVM
Sorry, arguing with the ignorant is like trying to wrestle with a jellyfish. No matter how many tentacles you cut off there are always more, and there isn't even a brain to stun. - Maia

I don't take know for an answer.
tentative
.

Posts: 12214
Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:14 pm
Location: Idaho

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

Nah wrote:Only problem I have is that I'm running out of the space to keep my instruments (and boxes and cases) and running out of time to take care of them (polishing, adjusting, repairing and restoration), and most importantly, playing them.
Nah, just curious, how many different instruments do you play?

tentative wrote:Yes dear, you're right. I'm ashamed. I just remember another website far far away where you scared the living hell out of me. It made no difference what I said, you one-upped me every time.

I have NO idea what you could be referring to. The day I’m capable of one-upping you, well, I’ve yet to see anyone accomplish that, I’m certainly in no position to manage it. I can barely even keep up with you guys, and that’s on a good day.

sangrain wrote:It's just that under that petite, unassuming, exterior - by the way, I'm talking about you, Anita, not Tent - lies a dangerous firecracker (have you met rainey? Did you guys go to high school together?). Anyway, thanks for, yet again, gracing us with your presence. You classed up the joint (why are you snickering, Tent?). Now I can rest easy ... with one eye open, while standing, with my back against the wall, whistling Dixie, just in case.

Sangrain, I’d say you are the indisputable master of the backhanded compliment, except “compliment” isn’t quite the right word, is it? I’m thinking “sarcastic dig” may better fit the bill. Not to mention, what the-? “Petite and unassuming?” Who me? Oh, now I get it, more of the sarcasm stuff - gotcha. [See JT, I’m so slow on the uptake, I just wait for gravity to drop the obvious in my lap. And even then sometimes I miss. ]

Now if only we could get sangrain to upload that vid of him whistling Dixie, maybe Blurred and/or Nah could be persuaded to accompany him…?

“Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs.”
- Leo Tolstoy

"Fair and softly goes far."
- Miguel de Cervantes

AnitaS
Philosopher

Posts: 1642
Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 1:51 am
Location: L'Étoile du Nord

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

Now if only we could get sangrain to upload that vid of him whistling Dixie, maybe Blurred and/or Nah could be persuaded to accompany him…?

I just can't get past the dixie thing. It isn't right. It ought to be something like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPgFnRdTcKE He isn't the only one with back handed compliments

And the imagery is wrong... slithering alond the path and hiding in the grass waiting for the next victim... yeah, that's more like it.

Blurred, we really aren't as bad as we appear. I'm much worse and Sandy is worser.
IGAYRCCFYVM
Sorry, arguing with the ignorant is like trying to wrestle with a jellyfish. No matter how many tentacles you cut off there are always more, and there isn't even a brain to stun. - Maia

I don't take know for an answer.
tentative
.

Posts: 12214
Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:14 pm
Location: Idaho

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

I always look forward to coming to work Monday mornings, for this reason (and a few others). I always find myself in a fit of giggles at my desk when I look to see what everyone has posted throughout the weekend. Of course, this will be the last Monday morning this happens, as I'll FINALLY be receiving my new laptop tomorrow sometime. Yay
"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: 'It's not where you take things from - it's where you take them to.'" - Jim Jarmusch

Blurry
fuck

Posts: 4358
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:18 pm

### Re: Strange Gut-Wrenching Longing

One more thing --

Anita, it's nice to see you again
"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: 'It's not where you take things from - it's where you take them to.'" - Jim Jarmusch

Blurry
fuck

Posts: 4358
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:18 pm

Next