Rap Battle

[Carleas]

I'd like to challenge someone to a rap battle. The way it would work is, we'd find someone to make us a beat (volunteers?), or we'd find a beat we like. Then, person one would start, rap about how they're a great philosopher or something. Then person two would respond, in rap, and set person one straight that in fact it is person two who is the greatest philosopher-rapper, and person one is whack. Maybe three turns each. Raps don't have to be freestyle, but they should be written for this bout. Judging strictly by majority vote in the discussion thread, just like in the movies. Minimal gang violence preferred.

The board software doesn't allow mp3 uploads, and I don't know how to host them effectively otherwise (I can look into it), but there are plenty of free mp3 hosting sites (upload-mp3.com was one I found through Google; looks adequate, but no guarantees).

You think you betta' than me?
bustin rhymes 'bout yo' junk philosophy?
I got news for you sucka, my rhymes are as tight as my syllogisms
And my beliefs are right so you betta' get wit'em.
Yea.

[thezeus18]

Do it live over skype on Ustream or JustinTV.

[PavlovianModel146]

We don't care one thing about Skype,
All that shit's just gonna get hectic;
So you best drop all this rap hype,
Me and Carleas 'bout to wax poetic.

Word.

EDIT: In all seriousness, though, I strongly encourage someone to attempt to dethrone Carleas in a rap battle. I find that such a monumental clash may be what is required to adequately bring philosophy into the 21st Century.

[xzc]

It's on.

[Wonderer]

You aloof goof, I will crucify with the truth - and systematically eliminate your family until no one remembers you - your gene pool is through - what will you do - commit suicide because you know your life is through - I'm sick of you - like Socrates - get on your knees - and receive blind faith because you'll need it - when they chop off your head your brain stays lit - infected by devils - mindless rebels following Satan lynching children to increase their spirit level - so revel - in the ignorance of man - like blowing up cities for one man in Afghanistan - it's Gods plan - so here we stand - yelling at another man - looking for supporters to hold our hands - it's a joke - like the good bloke we call Carleas - who spells philosophy with an apostrophe - he's got to be - the worst MC - so stop acting pious your bias heinous - king turd of shit island - it's a fuckin riot

Naa it's all good, you're not aloof.

[Carleas]

Daaaaaamn! Accepting the challenge? I know you're into philosophical rap.

[Wonderer]

I don't know how philosophical i can be. After listening to mostly Necro for a year it seems that my raps needs must involve death threats (at least it's not gang violence).

Interestingly some of my friends are rappers, who are about to release an album. They would probably be proud, but i still don't know...

Do we have to actually have a rap battle with audio?

[nano-bug]

One bulb, Two bulb, Three bulb, Four . . . .

Y’all look at books
I hang with crooks who just eyeball encyclopedia behind bench
Volumes red and gold
Behold me when I take stand
Make command, do demand
Told clerk magistrate to raise right hand
When I land him in sand so quick
Tree branch rope too far from his finger tip grope
Ivy creep on education brick
Scrub my rap sheet with soap
I wrote how to write major essay note
To ball and crumple
To stuff down professor windpipe throat
Or so my file say
In court
Better make this summons a short stay
Or just bring some clay to waste
To boldly distort my mold
Gave me a fine by wheel design
I sold the potter, more inclined to make him pay
They overestimate
They underestimate
Taxes do see-saw tricks
Fat kid on top end, nobody on bottom
Shoulda seen the look I shot ‘em
The humble bumble stumble one
With a tie to match my light blue eye
Tight hair, military war cry stare
“He must have skull bun potential”
Attorney from the district whisper some bad breath torrential
Reign in his robes, stains on his underclothes
Knows the wrongs from the right
But he toss like fright turns at night
Eyes open, windows lock siren noise out tight
They all meet on links for drinks, to iron it out
Golfers delight
Robes without wrinkles
Flood the jail cell tinkle toilet, nah, break them cell lights
I couldn’t find the switch
Never gonna bitch about a not nice cop
Smash my face
Choke me out
Rub me in piss like any other mop
That shit happens daily, infomercial shop
Squealing for square deals
To be fair about dinner meals, kings gotta eat
The hungry think about that candy treat, suck on this, dirty philosophical feet, and I got a big salty toe
To boot them in they ass
Anytime they say I don’t sit in row with smart class
Carve sharp the word fart on criminal wooden pew
Smell that gas?
My detected metal will always pass.
Like ozone from another burnt out bulb
Chandelier hangs dangling over the courtroom gloom.
That must be the bun. The bun must be done
Nah, just my oven on spontaneous combustion
Better run
Better run and get someone, fuck it, better drive
Just so I can serve some more rhymes when your kitchen help arrive.

[felix dakat]

If you think you can out smart me
You’re invited to the party
But I have to warn you brutha
I ain’t easy like yo mutha!

[Carleas]

I mean, with out audio we're having a poetry-off. That's fine, but it's not a rap battle.

[nano-bug]

If I wrote that as poetry, I wouldn't swear in it, or even use ugly aggression. Vocals highly unlikely from me at this point.

[aussie_bloke]

They killed me, and now I'm rising again
And I won't stop until I got another true friend
And know I'll keep rising like a Phoenix 'til the stroke of midnight,
Surveying the whole world at the Great Noontide.
And if you're a shrink with a couch I got something to say
And I'll be sayin' it loud even on your last day:
I've had it up to here with man's most infernal mistake-
I say fuck Freud, and put the Spaceman to the stake.

-Impious (via pm)

(I think we have a major contender here)

[nano-bug]

aww, sooki sooki now
eat da info-tainment
take a dooki dooki now
aww, look how the drain went
spiral spin ya
ying ta yang ya
dada movements in the early era
bomb in flight whistle dread like terror
mouth in O-shape
feel da wrath of da grape
Ernest shot an ape on safari
ford, then ferrari
Zelda got locked crazy, but yeah, she blaze free
F. Scott flow oh-so lovely, doesn't he
got drunk, then peed his pants, dreamed a dance on unstable tables
nobody reads
short story fables
too much cable, too much cable
always drive, never able to walk
lay more highways, test four horsemen to balk
And so then, I talk dat book talk
and to any slow scanner I smother
dust cloud choke you with my chalk
Orwell hunched right
we all love to fight big brother, news on fox
until he pin us down
tap, tap, tap on our chest
like a type-writer
ding!
video games be da best
simulate all the rest, robot go getter
email over letter
bionic body over sweater
mars only getting wetter
alien suckas better bite my vandetta, comin at cha

[aussie_bloke]

I'd like to challenge someone to a rap battle.

Impious wants to accept your challenge.

[aussie_bloke]

[Deleted at Impious' request]

EDIT: We need a judge too, right? I think I'm a bit too partial myself. Time to summon Wonderer.

[Carleas]

What beat? We can just say any old beat will do, whatever works for your rhyme. He's got a myspace, right? He could post his stuff there and link to it, and I'll put my stuff at the place I mentioned in the OP.

[aussie_bloke]

Please let Carleas know that I can't record my rhymes and put them to music at the moment- my dad removed some vital files from cubase and now it's stuffed. Please post it in the rap battle thread so everyone can see it.

Cheers mate, you're a lifesaver.

PS (post this too) I got banned from LDS Forums because I said Adonai ('My Lord') has no problem with me drinking a couple of beers or a cup of tea, and that I won't become a member of their Church until they welcome people who do so. Apparently the reason for the ban was that I made 'derrogatory remarks about the Church'. These are the two threads I posted in the Share forum, with the offending content and some other challenging material for the American Mormon 'scribes':
A prophet's work in progress
The cream of the Eternal Return

BTW Carleas, this whole rigmarole of me reposting what Impious PM's me is getting ridiculous. Surely you have the authority to un-ban his IP and instruct Faust not to ban him again without your express permission?

[xzc]

BTW Carleas, this whole rigmarole of me reposting what Impious PM's me is getting ridiculous. Surely you have the authority to un-ban his IP and instruct Faust not to ban him again without your express permission?

[Wonderer]

I will judge, but i am pretty specific about what lyrics i like.

It could work out....

[Carleas]

Impious' IP hasn't been banned, I don't know why he's having trouble getting in. Have him email me, mike at ilovephilosophy.com

[Impious]

Righto. Let me track down a mike to use with my laptop...

[Wonderer]

Things i will be looking for- Volcabulary, Entertainment value, interesting lyrics. (Some Vulgarity)

Spittin' off the top and lookin' down with pity -
hittin' you at terminal velocity/your reciprocity -
looks like a toff and me/discussed philosophy -
But by the end you were dead with two holes in your head -
And through smelting/your gold watch was used for my grill gilding-
So no sniveling/at a prophecy/with no chance of stoppin me -
your preposterous snipes at me -
will only help me sight you, and ignite you -
Like the straw man that you are -
No courage/like you're a fat kid who dropped out of MOMAR.

[Carleas]

I'm fine having Wonderer as the end-all and be-all of judging in this debate, unless others volunteer.

Sick. This is soooo sick.

[Wonderer]

You have to be able to laugh at yourself.

The best way to do it over the top (like "grill gilding") is to imagine it coming out of some corny famous rapper.

It makes it easier and shifts the embarrassment...

[Impious]

I propose some rules: 3 rounds, with 3 days to respond. Responses must be in the form of a link to an audio file playable by Windows Media Player. Choose any beats you like. Wonderer will be the sole judge. I nominate myself to go first. All good, Carleas?