## How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly)

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### How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly)

I've given this some thought, and would like your views on this.

Using a toaster on the International Space Station.... really bad idea. Why? Toasters produce crumbs everywhere, and in space, they will float, bringing you, clogging the instruments and air filters. Death is soon to follow.

But what there was a way to safely make it, and eat it under controlled circumstances?

Too good to be true, right? What if I told you, science supported my position? That is a authority too big to ignore now, isn't it?

Quite simply, you need to open a hole in the side of the ISS where the toast is being made.... the vacuum will naturally attract all the crumbs floating in the air, both while it is made and while you eat it.

"But it's against the rules, infact the very first rules of things to do on the ISS" you say? What if I told you there was a logical loophole around the "No Putting Holes Into the Walls of the Habitat Modules"?

Simply put, after watching Apollo 13 years ago, and letting it sit in my head for several years, mixing with all my brain juices, I came up with a realization that will finally allow you to safely introduce a vacuum on board so you can eat your toast.

In the bathroom, there is a toilet. You poop into it, and it is sealed, and then your poo is jettisoned into space, till it lands on a distant planet, thaws out and spawns new life. Its how life began on Earth even.

All you need to do, it put your toaster near a toilet, and jam something long,hard and metallic in the toilet, and close it hard. The top seal will be left open, as the space size opens. Make sure most of the length of the metal is on your side, you'll need it for step two, and of course, for safety considerations. I'm always safety first.

Once the toast is done cooking, picking it up and eating it will spread crumbs farther than the little slit into space can compensate for, so you'll need to use that extra portion of handle as leverage, pry the top lid open while keeping the bottom open, stick your head into the toilet bowl, and eat your toast. I promise you, nobody will notice any crumbs floating around, in fact, it will be as if nobody is even around to complain anymore.

Afterwards, you can seal it up, as it is designed to be, with no permanent hole in the space station.

Genius solutions for genius people, that is what I am all about. No need to forego the luxury of toast anymore, so on the next Soyuze mission, make sure you order some toast, bread, butter, butterknife.... and most importantly, a toasterso off of Amazon.com, and if Houston asks what is up with your order, tell them to go mind their own business and quit snopping in your mail, tour a professional astronaut, and have a control over your situation, so back off already.

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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

Obviously you would just pre-toast the bread, package it, and send it up with the astronauts. Remind me not to suggest to NASA that they let you work in the troubleshooting department of the astronaut food and nutrition department of the space station project.

"What is he doing over there?"

"Oh that's Turd. He's been fiddling with that toaster for days now. He insists that astronauts have fresh toast and won't settle for the pre-toasted stuff the department was packaging and sending up with the food supplies. He's trying to prevent the thing from producing crumbs or something... I dunno."
Last edited by Zoot Allures on Sun Dec 20, 2015 12:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

Turd Ferguson wrote:You poop into it...

Every one of your posts has something to do with poop. It's like you're trying to make a statement, like you're here to shit all over us.

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It is impossible for a human being to go through life not thinking irrationally even if they think of themselves as rational
Also just as irrational decisions are not always bad then rational ones are not always good no matter what the intention
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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

I figure if you are in a cramped space station,,, you ain't too picky about food while you are there.
I will be bitchy, cranky, sweet, happy, kind, pain in the ass all at random times from now on. I am embracing my mentalpause until further notice. Viva lack of total control!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is not a test,,, this is my life right now. Have a good day and please buckle up for safety reasons,, All those in high chairs, go in the back of the room.

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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

And your premade plan Zoots, fails..... premade toast produces crumbs when chewed. You gotta have a way of controlling the crumb flow, and sticking your head into a toilet is the reasonable answer. Those crumbs will float everywhere if you don't open a window somewhere.

We have this thing called Scalar and Static Fields.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scalar_field

You map pressure and temperature differentials on a scalar field. Its like watching the weather channel, weather patterns.

It can be in 2D or 3D, using Catresian Numbers:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cartesi ... te_system#

When it ain't moving, like when it's zero detectable wind, at absolute zero (lowest possible temperature in normal space) it's a true scalar field. Its relative to though, stable to dynamic.

Mowing the grass, each grass blade on a flat horizontal could likewise be considered a static field, lawnmower makes it dynamic. If a rock or stump is in the yard, going around it produces a Lee in the ground, so you can claim in the overall Lay of the ground, the Lee was static, but the Lay shows quantifiable statistical change between two measured events..... before mowing the grass (event one), and after (event two).

Thats science, and it's rooted in our Anglo-Saxon tongue.

Now.... we need to make all the crumbs leave, and not have places to hide in non to low current eddies. Best way, is to open a window. Windows don't open easily on the space station, so it's head in the toilet, only reasonable way to approach this, short of ducktsping a plastic bag with toast already in it around your neck, but this is unwise, because the toast crumbs will still get in your hair, eyes, and nostrils, and ears, and you'll sneeze nose juice all over the inside of the bag. Do astronauts really want crumbs in their eyebrows? No, so the only real solution is the one I advocated in the beginning, and the climate science backs my hypothesis. As long as I have climate science on my side, I cannot fail.

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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

God dammit, Truds, you went to all that trouble to write out a PM about In Praise of Shadows, and now I have to respond on the public forum. You didn't even reach a punch line except to say that if I take a shit in the snow while the neighbors watch, I'll become a top notch philosopher.

Yeah, contrasts--the bitterness of the cold winters, the creature comforts of indoor heating and plumbing in the West, the beauty of nature vs. the horror. What's your point, that we have to contemplate the extremes to appreciate good philosophy? That we need to experience them?

Is this just another case of you griping about how harsh your life has been and that makes you better than everyone else because you've persevered?

Stop PMing me. Get over your war-induced PTSD. I'm not your therapeutic punching bag.
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It is impossible for a human being to go through life not thinking irrationally even if they think of themselves as rational
Also just as irrational decisions are not always bad then rational ones are not always good no matter what the intention
- surreptitious75

The rating of rationality can be higher and always is higher than the person trying to be rational. Rationality is less emotional than the person delivering it.
- encode_decode

Is that a demon slug in your stomach or are you just happy to see me?
- Rick Sanchez

gib
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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

Ptsd isn't a real thing. If it is, then so is shift work disorder.
You see...a pimp's love is very different from that of a square.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down they want some too.

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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

Second time you've trolled this thread Gib with unrelated discussion. You can go start a thread on Aesthetics and the Sublime, talking about the impact of Mono no aware on the debate. This is a science discussion, completely unrelated to your second outburst. It doesn't belong in this section of the site. If there was no punchline, it indicates a serious discussion. You and trixie, randomly trolling threads now......

Now, back to the real topic at hand.....

So I've been going over the bag idea.

Its important to be able to make toast in space. Reason why it is important is, if mankind can't reach faster than light speeds, then the only way we can colonize worlds on distant planets is by colony ships, taking multiple generations. If those people can't eat toast because there is no gravity, or there is, but it can give out at any time, sending toast crumbs everywhere, then it means they can't eat toast, and are unlikely to introduce the dish to other planets. Our descendants would live in a increasingly toastless universe, a dish only remaining on backwards, forgotten backwater planets like earth.

No.... toast has to come with us.

So.... remembering how they engineered the air filter on Apollo 13, I'm going to look to see if another alternative exists to eating toast in space other than cranking the toilet door open.

I already pointed out how in my last post, though the bag will contain the crumbs for a while, it won't permanently hold them.... the astronaut would have to duct tape it to his head, to keep the crumbs from getting out, and they would still get into odd places, and cause breathing hazards.

So..... some ideas.

1) The toast eater can put on swimming gear, such as a skull cap for their hair, eye goggles, and plug their nose and ears:

Ducktaping the bag around the neck might not work. If you have neckhairs, it will get stuck to them, and sudden movements will cause them to get ripped off, causing crumbs that accumulate to spread everywhere through the opening in the duct tape that has lost adhesion.

I believe zip ties can work, two zip ties being connected over the toast and head, and pulled hard together by someone standing behind the astronaut, pulling with a all their might, foot on the back of the head to ensure it's tight and waterproof (this waterproof aspect will be important as we will soon see).

Now, the astronaut can eat toast in space.

But a problem arises..... crumbs will stick to the skin, and in crevices in the bag, such as around the neck.

This is from a combination of
1) The Strong and Weak Nuclear Forces
2) Gravitational effects of much larger head pulling smaller crumbs in on the head and neck.
3) Static Electricity (I'm uncertain what effects the magnetosphere will have at the altitude of the ISS in all honesty).

So.... is there a solution?

A partial one is, attach a vacuum to the bag, high powered, and suck all the crumbs out.

However, I suspect it will be unable to overcome efficiently all the forces in the bag, and many crumbs will cling, especially around the neck region.

So, you fill the bag with water, several gallons all at once, to full capacity, high density.... the astronaut is already wearing swimming gear, so this isn't unreasonable. You can suck the water out this way in a wet vac..... however, you'll want a continuous flow of water, to incrementally purify the crumbs in the water, so when the bag is emptied, you don't have bread slime all over you from a inefficient scrubbing.

So it might take, 20-30 gallons of water.

Now, you may ask yourself..... how will the astronaut breath through this process? Simple..... they can breathe in liquid oxygen prior to sticking their head in the bag, just like in the movie Abyss. It will sit in their lungs, and they can breath, and the washer machine action occurs around their heads.

Now.... you may of noticed there is one fatal flaw in all of my reasoning..... why would a astronaut want to eat toast, if his nose is plugged, and thus he can't smell or taste it?

Very good question. I'm going to work on this one, right now, it involves having a toaster in the bag, so they can some the toast, before plugging up (you can insert the plug through the bag into your nose, I know this for a fact, I've done it before), but issues occur when you have a electric toaster in a bag about to be filled with water.... you'll not only need way more water because the toaster will gave to be farther away from the face to keep the heat away, but you'll need thicker bags that are heat resistant. May want to make the toaster safe for underwater use.... I can't find anything on Google for toasters safe for underwater use.

Anyway, this isn't a obstacle, as NASA is known for developing new technologies to cope with the issues of living in space, and I don't believe these issues are completely insurmountable. It may even become beneficial to earth based sciences, expanding our engineering and earth based sciences.

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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

mr reasonable wrote:Ptsd isn't a real thing. If it is, then so is shift work disorder.

What do people mean when they say disorder X is not a real thing? Do they mean the line you cross when going from "stressed out" to "PTSD" is an arbitrary one? I certainly believe in a spectrum but, yes, the difference between being on the extreme end of a spectrum and having a "disorder" may be entirely illusory.
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It is impossible for a human being to go through life not thinking irrationally even if they think of themselves as rational
Also just as irrational decisions are not always bad then rational ones are not always good no matter what the intention
- surreptitious75

The rating of rationality can be higher and always is higher than the person trying to be rational. Rationality is less emotional than the person delivering it.
- encode_decode

Is that a demon slug in your stomach or are you just happy to see me?
- Rick Sanchez

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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

Yes, to a large degree PTSD is illusionary, as far as considering all diagnosis means the same thing.

I don't think certain people can get it full blown, like myself, due to our conscious awareness of sensory information's impact on our planning cycle. I've reacted sharply to gunfire going off next to me unexpectedly since getting out, but I've never went down to the ground low crawling, thinking I was in Iraq whenever someone slams the fridge door shut.

Worst I get is Ill start staring at the road while driving, scanning for explosives, and if I'm a passenger, might wack you as a driver telling to look out, a plastic bag is on the road..... Ill remember in a matter of a second or two bags from grocery stores do not blow the fuck up here in the states.

My conscious awareness of constant planning and adjustment more or less robs me of the full experience.

Some things I do do...... I can listen to something like this for days:

Guys with PTSD will often just listen to music like this constantly, laying in the dark forever. We had a guy, a sniper,who killed two guys with one shot.... he only meant to kill the one, it seriously fucked him up worst than I've ever seen. He had to be given his own room, because he kept this movie stuck on continuous loop in his computer in repeat..... like, for months.

The less you have positive control over analytical planning, access to memory, the worst it will hit you. In one sense, it's the same phenomena, but each personality type arrests it development differently.

Smears is sorta right, people can be traumatized by most anything, and not all traumatic disorders are the same. This being said, I don't think he has seen a really bad case of PTSD. I can accept I don't have it, but under the current psychological regime, I would qualify. I think eventually they are going to break it up into several related disorders, to fit personality & behaviorism.

In Smears case, he just drugs and drinks it all away.
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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

I mean that it's a bullshit diagnosis that enables a person to become a pill popper and shirk responsibility for things and that giving it a name and calling it a sickness isn't appropriate because it's part of a range of normal behavior. People get sad sometimes, it's not a disease. People get tired sometimes. It's not a disease. This stuff is offensive and insulting to the cancer patients of the world and the sufferers or actual diseases.
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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

When guys get it really bad, their definitely broken, suffering. Cant work, go out, anything. Quick to commit suicide.

I've seen cases like that, and nothing in particular about Smear's existence suggests he knows a God damn fucking thing about these cases, so his case it moot.

When government takes someone under their employment, put them in harms way, and they come back non-functional, it's governments responsibility to care for them. The serious cases of PTSD requires us to care extensively, just like any great debilitation.

The more moderate cases, counseling, mild ones like mine, just Buck and and carry on the best you can. I'm just worried about the over diagnosis of it, it can be broken up into smaller disorders, and a person can gave a multitude. I don't see how everyone can get put under the PTSD bandwagon, much less use it as a excuse for robbing a liqour store. But Smears extreme is equally non-excusable, we got some very fucked up guys, and the government fucked them up. They did their job, followed orders, and they are erratic and confused, depressive and more or less useless on the job. Our fault, bad tactics. Good tactics and equipment results in these situations not occurring, which requires foresight and research. Its a give and take.

If Smears feels we are wasting too much money on it, I'm more than willing to enslave Smears in a salt mine to pay it off. The extreme cases of PTSD, the sacrifice those guys made for us, matter so very, very much more to America than Smears does. If it's one or the other, I say throw Smears in the mines. He can't possibly matter as much as them. Id rather that then abandon them.

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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

I figured that your political leanings would cause you to say that.
You see...a pimp's love is very different from that of a square.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down they want some too.

What exactly is logic? -Magnus Anderson

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### Re: How to make toast in space. (This is for you Scott Kelly

The classification of people into disorder pigeonholes is rather arbitrary when it comes to personality spectrums, but then there are all-or-nothing conditions that are the result of pre-existing factors. Take Down's Syndrome for example. It is a genetic disorder. You either have it or you don't. There's nothing arbitrary about it. It is empirically verifiable and quite real. Just look at Turd.
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It is impossible for a human being to go through life not thinking irrationally even if they think of themselves as rational
Also just as irrational decisions are not always bad then rational ones are not always good no matter what the intention
- surreptitious75

The rating of rationality can be higher and always is higher than the person trying to be rational. Rationality is less emotional than the person delivering it.
- encode_decode

Is that a demon slug in your stomach or are you just happy to see me?
- Rick Sanchez

gib
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