Shit

Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit happens.”

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.

Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.

Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.

Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.

Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.

Episcopalian: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.

Methodist: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.

Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.

Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.

Lutheran: If shit happens, don’t talk about it.

Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)

Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it’s okay.

Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don’t work.

Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.

Creationism: God made all shit.

Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.

Christian Science: When shit happens, don’t call a doctor - pray!

Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.

Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.

Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.

Utopianism: This shit does not stink.

Darwinism: This shit was once food.

Capitalism: That’s MY shit.

Communism: It’s everybody’s shit.

Feminism: Men are shit.

Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can’t live without us…

Commercialism: Let’s package this shit.

Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

Idolism: Let’s bronze this shit.

Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit IS.

Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?

Stoicism: This shit is good for me.

Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!

Mormonism: God sent us this shit.

Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.

Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.

Scientology: If shit happens, see “Dianetics”, p.157.

Jehovah’s Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.

Jehovah’s Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?

Jehovah’s Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.

Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.

Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.

Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit!

Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.

Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.

Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.

Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.

Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?

Agnostic #3: What is this shit?

Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.

Atheism: What shit?

Atheism #2: I can’t believe this shit!

Nihilism: No shit.

that’s pretty damn funny!

I wanna read this all.

good shit

damn…

done reading…

:laughing:

Danism: The deepest, most true, most important and most meaningful shit can only be found within the lost wonders of childhood.

Forgot that one. :wink:

The central message of christianity - “The world is shit, so don’t dance”

Jesus said:- “The world wants you to dance to its tune” (Matt 11:16/17)
“Don’t love the world or the things in it,otherwise the love of God is not in you” (1 John 2:15-17)
“Set your mind on things above,not on things on the earth” (Col 3:2)
“A friend of the world is the enemy of God” (James 4:4)
“You died with christ from this world,so don’t keep submitting to its rules” (Col 2:20)
“You were dead when you followed the ways of the world” (Eph 2:1/2)
“Jesus saved you from the empty way of life handed you by your forefathers” (1 Pet 1:18 )
“Don’t conform to the pattern of this world” (Rom 12:2)

Christians have that zillion-mile stare -“For we look at things unseen rather than the seen,for the seen are temporary,but the unseen are eternal” (2 Cor 4:18 )

no.

In other words:
Deny everything other then the fantasy which was designed to control your whole life?

No thanks.

I read an account concerning a very special man who I believe may have been the most exceptional man of the twentieth century and who did teach some students about spiritual matters was approached one day by a young woman. She explained sheepishly that she was terrified of him because she felt he was so great and she was intimidated and feeling inadequate. What should she do?

He looked at her for a short while and then said something to the effect that, and I paraphrase best I can from memory: “Yes it is true that in comparison to me you are shit. Yet I, compared to certain others, am also shit. So you see, we are the same.”

She left confused but shortly returned with a smile and said thank you.

I like that one Nick :smiley:

Freudian theory- the repressed memories of playing with your shit as a child will make you a shitty, anal retentive person as an adult.

rofl

Bible quote - “Don’t love the world or the things in it,otherwise the love of God is not in you” (1 John 2:15-17)

Dan quote - In other words: Deny everything other then the fantasy which was designed to control your whole life? No thanks

Huh? How does Christianity control me? On the contrary, it frees me and I feel bleddy marvellous :wink:
Jesus said:- “You’ll know the truth,and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32)
I don’t want to sound patronising but I honestly feel sorry for nonchristians who’re bogged in the sh*t of the world, or as eastern philosophers put it - ensnared in maya (illusion)…

Hi Mick

Careful Mick. The thought police will come to condemn you. This is the same elitism I refer to when describing Plato’s cave analogy. Who do you think you are you to imply that you “know” these things and that man collectively is caught up with this shit and turning in circles to the extent of sacrificing his own potential.

Very suspicious Mick.

From Nick_A - Careful Mick. The thought police will come to condemn you. This is the same elitism I refer to when describing Plato’s cave analogy. Who do you think you are you to imply that you “know” these things and that man collectively is caught up with this shit and turning in circles to the extent of sacrificing his own potential.
Very suspicious Mick.

But Jesus said the world is sht and God said the world is sht and other assorted holy men, sages and philosophers have said the world is sht, and it so happens old Mick thinks the world is sht too :slight_smile:
What’s the saying about “Great minds think alike?”… :wink: