If only U.S. presidential elections were this sophisticated.
Alas, they are barely caricatures of the real thing. Or are they now role models?
Go Tammy!
ELECTION
Written and directed by: Alexander Payne
[b]Tammy: [narrating] It’s not like I’m a lesbian or anything. I’m attracted to the person. It’s just that all the people I’ve been attracted to so far happen to be girls.
…
Tracy: [narrating] None of this would have happened if Mr. McAllister hadn’t meddled the way he did. He should have just accepted things as they are instead of trying to interfere with destiny. You see, you can’t interfere with destiny, that’s why it’s destiny. And if you try to interfere, the same thing’s just going to happen anyway, and you’ll just suffer.
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Tammy: [giving her campaign speech] Who cares about this stupid election? We all know it doesn’t matter who gets elected president of Carver. Do you really think it’s going to change anything around here? Make one single person smarter or happier or nicer? The only person it does matter to is the one who gets elected. The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college. So vote for me, because I don’t even want to go to college, and I don’t care, and as president I won’t do anything. The only promise I will make is that if elected I will immediately dismantle the student government, so that none of us will ever have to sit through one of these stupid assemblies again! [the student body erupts in huge cheers. They start chanting “Tammy! Tammy!”] Or don’t vote for me! Who cares? Don’t vote at all! [they all rise to give her a standing ovation]
…
Jim: Paul, what’s your favorite fruit?
Paul: Pears.
Jim: [goes to the chalkboard] Pears, good. OK, let’s say…
Paul: Oh, no wait! Apples.
Jim: Apples. Fine. [he starts drawing circles on the chalkboard] Let’s say all you ever knew were apples. Apples, apples, and more apples. You might think apples were pretty good, even if you got a rotten one every once in a while. But then one day… [he draws another circle on the chalkboard] …there’s an orange. And now you can make a decision, do you want an apple or do you want an orange? That’s democracy.
Paul: I also like bananas
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Tracy: [narrating] Now that I have more life experience, I feel sorry for Mr. McAllister. I mean, anyone who’s stuck in the same little room, wearing the same stupid clothes, saying the exact same things year after year for his whole life, while his students go on to good colleges, move to big cities and do great things and make loads of money… He’s got to be at least a little jealous. It’s like my mom says, the weak are always trying to sabatoge the strong.
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Tammy: [narrating] Being suspended is like getting a paid vacation. Why do they think it’s a punishment? It’s like your dog pees on the carpet and you give him a treat…Hendricks told me, “One more time” and I’d be expelled. Sounded good to me.
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Jim: The sight of Tracy at that moment affected me in a way I can’t fully explain. Part of it was that she was spying, but mostly it was her face. Who knew how high she would climb in life? How many people would suffer because of her? I had to stop her, now.
…
Jim: Suddenly everyone knew who I was—that corrupt teacher who had tried to crush the dreams of an innocent girl. Overnight, all the good things I had ever done in my life evaporated. Soon the wire services picked up on the story. It was the kind of absurd news item people E-mail each other or post on the bulletin board at work.
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Jim: [narrating] What happens to a man when he loses everything? Everything he’s worked for… everything he believes in? Driven from his home… cast out of society… how can he survive? Where can he go? New York City!
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Tammy: Catholic school was great! I mean, the teachers kind of sucked, and they were supposedly way more strict. But you could get away with murder. The best thing about lmmaculate Heart was meeting Jennifer.
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Tracy: When I got to Georgetown, I thought I’d finally be among people who were like me. You know, smarter, more ambitious people. I was sure that finally I’d make some true friends… It wasn’t like that at all. A lot of them were just spoiled little rich kids who didn’t know how lucky they had it. That’s OK. I’ve come to accept that very few people are truly destined to be special, and we’re solo fliers. I guess it really is like Dave said, “If you’re gonna be great, you’ve got to be lonely.”[/b]