Not many terms of endearments were exchanged in my family. Not that I remember anyway. And every family has their own dynamic in this regard. Some have too many and some have too few. And when you have too many or too few that can lead to all manner of dysfunction. Or so the experts tell us. Too many and you have dependency issues, too few and, well, we know what that can lead to.
I wonder: Does it explain me, perhaps?
Here it’s actually harder to pin down. The mother is no stranger to endearments but she is hopelessly neurotic. And her daughter will always have to deal with that. And then inflict it on her own family. Then it goes around and around in circles as everyone creates their own turbulent reactions. But it’s always the kids that bear the brunt of it. At least until it’s their turn to pass it all down the line.
Bottom line: Who we become is always embedded [either more or less] in our “inner child of the past”. And there’s only grasping this or not grasping this. The implications, for instance.
Of course that still doesn’t explain Flap though. At times you look at Jeff Daniels playing him and you know why they picked him for the movie Dumb and Dumber. Ironically, he plays the bookish intellectual here. But there are all sorts of ways one can manage to become an…idiot. And even the most intelligent of men [and he is certainly not one of those] can be complete shits. If not all the time.
As for the rest of them, let’s just say they are not at all the sort of folks that I would ever choose to hang around with. And vice versa. But that no doubt is my problem.
Anyway, terms of endearment become all the more problematic when, out of the blue, you receive a death sentence. From the doctor. And then the reactions become all the more turbulent when you are still relatively young. You find yourself dying and that changes everything. Especially when you have three young kids. You have to come up with things to say to them [and all the others] when there is nothing that can be said that will change anything.
IMDb
[b]Debra Winger behaved erratically on the set of this film because she was trying to get over a severe cocaine addiction. At one point, she and Shirley MacLaine got into a shoving match.
James L. Brooks received a special gift at the end of production, to congratulate him for completing his first movie. This was a book of “Life in Hell” cartoons, drawn by Matt Groening. Brooks was so impressed with the comics that he asked Groening to create cartoon shorts for The Tracey Ullman Show (1987). This gave rise to The Simpsons.
Shirley MacLaine and Debra Winger were both nominated for 1983’s Best Actress Oscar, which went to MacLaine. On her way to the podium, she reportedly whispered to Winger, “Half of this belongs to you,” to which Winger reportedly replied, “I’ll take half.”[/b]
at wiki: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terms_of_Endearment
trailer: youtu.be/zY0GM9KHU8o
TERMS OF ENDEARMENT [1983]
Written and directed by James L. Brooks
Aurora: Let me go, just for a minute.
Husband: You’re going to stare that baby into a coma.
Aurora: Stop exaggerating.
Husband: It’s not good to keep checking and imagining terrible things.
Aurora: I know, I know.
Husband: Here it starts. Here we go.
Aurora: Rudyard…Rudyard, she’s not breathing.
Husband: Honey, she’s sleeping. The baby’s sleeping.
Aurora: No…Rudyard, it’s crib death.
Husband: It’s sleep! She’s asleep, honey.
Aurora: Maybe.
Just sleep. But you can well imagine the future of this relationship.
Aurora: I’m totally convinced if you marry Flap Horton tomorrow, it will be a mistake of such gigantic proportions, it will ruin your life and make wretched your destiny.
Emma: Why are you doing this to me?
Aurora: You are not special enough to overcome a bad marriage. Emma, use your brains. Flap is limited. He hasn’t got any imagination. Even at this age, all he wants is a secure teaching job.
Flap?
[b]Emma: Mother… I’m marrying Flap Horton tomorrow. I thank God Flap’s getting me out of here. If this is your attitude, don’t even bother coming to my wedding.
Aurora: That’s right. No, I think you’re right. The hypocrisy was bothering me, too.
…
Emma: The only school that would accept his associate professorship is in Des Moines.
Aurora: He can’t even do the simple things, like fail locally.
…
Garrett: Well, anyway, they cancelled the dinner, but I was really thinking about asking you out. Seriously. Ain’t that a shocker?
Aurora: Yes. Imagine you having a date with someone where it wasn’t necessarily a felony.
…
Emma: Don’t yell, but I really think that I may be pregnant again.
Aurora: Oh! No! Oh, no! And you’re going to have it, I suppose?
Emma: Yes, of course. What’s happening to you, anyway?
Aurora: Don’t act like that’s so terrible. Bright young women are having simple abortions.
Emma: “Simple”?
Aurora: Then they get wonderful jobs. You can have it in Colorado.
Emma: I don’t know why I tell you anything. I seem to like you less and less.
Aurora: You know why, Emma? Because I am the only person who tells you the truth. How will your life get better if you keep having children with that man? What miracle is going to come along to rescue you?
…
Sam: You’re a very rude young woman. I know Douglas from the Rotary and I can’t believe he’d want you treating customers so badly.
Checkout Girl: I don’t think I was treating her badly.
Sam: Then you must be from New York.
…
Garrett: I think we’re going to have to get drunk.
Aurora: I don’t get drunk, and I don’t care for escorts who do.
Garrett: You got me into this. You’re just going to have to trust me about this one thing. You need a lot of drinks.
Aurora: To break the ice?
Garrett: To kill the bug that you have up your ass.
…
Aurora: Would you like to come in?
Garrett: I’d rather stick needles in my eyes.
…
Aurora: Everything would have been just fine, you know, if you hadn’t gotten drunk. I was… I… I just didn’t want you to think I was like one of your other girls.
Garrett: Not much danger in that unless you curtsy on my face real soon.
Aurora: Garrett! What is it that makes you so insistent on shocking and insulting me? I mean, I really hate that way of talking. You must know this. Why do you do it?
Garrett: I’ll tell you, Aurora. I don’t know what it is about you, but you do bring out the devil in me.
…
Aurora [looking at the homage to himself on Garrett’s wall]: I’ll tell you what. I think this is really sad, that you feel that you need all this stuff to impress girls with.
Garrett: Need it? Sometimes it isn’t enough. There’s nothing wrong with using your assets.
Aurora: I think it turns your profession into a sex trap.
Garrett: Oh, come on. Everybody uses whatever they have. I earned it! There are 106 astronauts in the whole fucking world and I’m one of them!
…
Doctor: You have a lump in your armpit. How long has it been there?
Emma: I don’t know.
Doctor: There’s two of them. It’s not very big, though. I have to be out of town next week but you shouldn’t wait. They should come out.
Emma: Come out? Should I be scared?
Doctor: If you’re scared, you’ll be happier when it turns out to be nothing.
…
Aurora: Rosie…our girl is in trouble. She has a cyst that’s malignant. They’re taking her to a hospital in Lincoln, Nebraska. [/b]
The Big One.
[b]Dr. Maise: We do more and more on an outpatient basis. We shouldn’t need to take her back, unless the illness escalates.
Aurora: But you’re not telling me anything.
Dr. Maise: What are you confused about?
Aurora: How is she?
Dr. Maise: I always tell people to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Aurora: And they let you get away with that?
…
Aurora [to workmen hanging her paintings]: Careful there. Those are worth more than you’ll ever make in your lifetime.
[they stare at her]
Emma [to the workmen]: I grew up with it my whole life. You can take it for a couple of minutes.
…
Aurora [to Garrett]: Who would ever have expected you to be a nice guy?
…
Aurora: Do you have any reaction at all to my telling you I love you?
Garrett: And I was just inches from a clean getaway.
…
Aurora: And you know what?
Emma: What?
Aurora: I got up the nerve to tell him I loved him. You know what his reaction was?
Emma: I don’t give a shit, Mom, I’m sick.
…
Aurora: Flap…Patsy wants to raise Melanie and maybe the boys. I think they should be with me, don’t you?
Flap: What can you be thinking about?
Aurora: Raising three children, working full time and chasing women requires a lot more energy than you have. You know, one of the nicest qualities about you is that you recognise your weaknesses. Don’t lose that quality when you need it the most.
Flap: You have no right, nor any invitation, to discuss where or how my children live. [/b]
Maybe, but in the end though he gives them up.
Flap [to Emma]: I’m thinking about my identity, and not having one anymore. I mean, who am I, if I’m not the man who’s failing Emma?