Imagine if all the folks in the band Spinal Tap were vampires.
Yep, another “mocumentary”.
Only this time the funny guys [the really funny guys] are blood suckers. And it seems that, just like the rest of us, vampires too are ever struggling to cope with the modern world. In other words, it always never nothing hell bent on kicking them in the balls. The usual stuff like getting along with others, household chores and dealing with assholes.
Still, what makes a movie like this more effective is that even though the plot [and the characters] are basically absurd you still find yourself drawn to them.
Sort of.
Anyway, here you have just about everything you ever wanted to know about vampires. If everything you ever wanted to know about vampires was entirely tongue in cheek.
And, just as in Twilight, there’s the part about the werewolves. And, yes, they’re tongue in cheek too. Like the zombies, the witches and banshees.
So, you tell me, are the vampires here being lampooned lovingly or not?
Look for The Beast. Actually, she’s Vladislav’s ex-girlfrined, Pauline.
Oh, and look for Hannibal Lector. A cameo as it were.
IMDb
A script was written but never shown to the actors. They would only get a description of the scene, and had to improvise it.
at wiki: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_We_Do_in_the_Shadows
trailer: youtu.be/Cv568AzZ-i8
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS [2014]
Written and direted by Jemaine Clement, Taika Waititi
[b]Viago: If you’re going to eat a victim on my nice clean couch put down some newspaper on the floor and some towels. It’s not hard to do.
Vladislav: We’re vampires! We don’t put down towels.
Viago: Some vampires do.
Vladislav: Well, not the serious ones!
…
Viago: When you get 4 vampires in a flat obviously there’s going to be a lot of tension.
…
Deacon: I was a Nazi vampire. After the war, which the Nazi’s lost. I don’t know if you know that the Nazi’s lost that war. If you were a Nazi, after the war…and if you were a vampire…and if you were a Nazi vampire. No way. I was out of there.
…
Viago: Yes, some of our clothes are from victims. You might bite someone and then, you think, ‘Oooh, those are nice pants!’.
…
Deacon: When you are a vampire, you become very sexy.
…
Vladislav: We are trying to attract victims to us. I go for a look which I call Dead But Delicious.
…
Viago: One of the most unfortunate things about being a vampire is that you have to drink human blood. I like to make a real evening of it. Play some music. Maybe give them some nice wine. It’s their last moment alive so why not make it a nice experience.
…
Viago [with blood everywhere]: Well, that didn’t go so great. Um, I hit the main artery. So, yeah, it’s a real mess in there. On the upside, I think she had a really good time.
…
Deacon: I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
Vladislav: I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.
…
Nick: Petyr bit me. Sucked all my blood out. I woke up in his basement and he offered me some blood. I just thought it was some German thing that these guys do.
…
Nick: It kind of affected my friendship with normal people, my family and stuff. But, the way I see it, I’ve got a whole new family. They accept me for who I am. They don’t even seem to know who they are. Even though one of them killed me.
…
Deacon: I don’t think Nick should have been turned into a vampire. He’s such a dick.
…
Deacon: Why don’t you guys go and smell your own crotches, huh?
Werewolf: What are you talking about? We don’t smell our own crotches. We smell each others crotches. And it’s a form of greeting.
…
Stu [showing the vampires Google]: Anything you want to find you type it in.
Viago: I lost a really nice silk scarf in about 1912.
Deacon: Yes, now Google it.
…
Vladislav: Bat fight! Bat fight!
…
Nick: Great. I can’t eat salads now. I can’t sunbath. I can’t watch daytime TV. I can’t eat chips!
…
Jackie [to Deacon]: All I’m saying is that if I had a penis I would have been bitten years ago.
…
Jackie [to the camera]: Like one big circle, just biting each others dicks. You know, they don’t even wear shirts, they wear blouses. It’s, it’s just a big homo-erotic dick biting club!
…
Viago [to the camera]: I’ve hypnotized those cops. I’m not a great hypothesizer so it could wear off any second. I really hope that those guys don’t kill those police because then this means more police will come. Possibly even Christians which is totally the last things we need in this house.
…
Deacon: For these crimes of which we the vampire council find you guilty you shall be banished from our flat. Indefinitely.
Nick: Indefinitely?
Deacon: Indefinitely.
Nick: So I can come back?
Deacon: No, no, indefinitely means that there is no end.
Nick: No, indefinite means that it’s not a definite thing.[/b]
English!
[b]Viago: One year I went to The Unholy Masquerade dressed as Whoopi Goldberg from Sister Act 1 and Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit. Didn’t go down so well because she was a nun. Vampires don’t like nuns.
…
Deacon: You can’t go the the ball as Blade. He’s a vampire hunter.
VIago: Yeah, but vampires love Wesley Snipes.
…
Vladislav: Just leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet!
Viago: What are you bidding on?
Vladislav: I am bidding on a table.
…
Deacon: Jackie.
Jackie: Yeah!
Deacon: This is the undead party.
Jackie: Yeah, I’m a vampire.
Deacon: You…?
Jackie: I’m a vampire. I’m a vampire!
Deacon: So, um, who bit you?
Jackie: Oh, Nick.[/b]