That’ll make you super hot with the ladies. Personally, I wouldn’t be caught dead with an embalmer but each to his own. :-"
(Good to hear you’re doing OK, Joker. I love hearing stories about people living on the perimeter of the ‘civilized’ world.)
They usually just do apprenticeships, I tried getting a job doing that in Hawaii, but never got a interview. 16.00 a hour starting off. You just dress them, drain them, sew their lips so their jaw doesn’t drop during the wake, and dab makeup on.
I would be willing in your position to just take off and accept a training position anywhere in the country, preferably in a warm spot (hard to do funerals in permafrost land).
If you decide to go it alone, you’ll need to buy a decent house, hire a grass service to chemically green everything and have a very nice plaster job done on the place, with a viewing room, and side room with cheeses in it do people can cry. You’ll need a mortuary limo too, and bunches of little flags for each car.
Also, police will get to know you very well, you can’t fuck the dead bodies cause sometimes a second autopsy will be ordered after you bury them, and you can’t tell kids about nihilism if they ask if grandma is in heaven… you gotta really feign respect for than and answer generically metaphysically, enough to dodge entrenchment in a belief they might oppose.
Oh… and you gotta be able to roast them in a crematorium… buying a oven. I hear it’s really hard to turn the bones to ashes, gotta run them through a few times if they we’re a milk drinker… calcium, strong bones and all.
You’ll do alot if transportation out of the loading dock of hospitals in the muddle of the night… hospitals aren’t big on heurses showing up during visiting hours out front… so you will get calls to go three hundred miles out to pick up a stiff, wander about hospitals looking for security, told to go around back to the loading dicks by the trash compactors, put the stiff in, drive back after dawn, toss the body in a crematorium, and let them roast as you doze off… every time you hear a car crash outside on the night of a big game, you’ll get pissed cause you know you’ll have all this work to do.
In very rural areas, your heurse doubles as a ambulance, you’ll be required to taxi pregnant women to the hospital far away (with payment of course). They can ruin your apolstry… it upsets the pall bearers to see blood stains underneath the casket area.
I’m serious… no fucking the corpse, no matter how fresh and hot she looks. You can’t just microwave them to make them feel warm either, or set them on a washer machine so it feels like they are moving, you get caught doing that once, your career is over… it’s hard to sell yourself professionally after that one.
If I die, you can fuck me (No not you Turd, the other fruit) but only if you agree to erect a monument in my name (stating I am the greatest philosopher who ever lived.)
Joker, I can probably get you a job down here just moving bodies to start. That friend of mine has a decent amount of pull and has tried to get me to do it repeatedly.
You have a friend with pull in the cadaver moving business?
He started low in the dead body hulking profession, and climbed his way up, knows some Mafia and big labor guys, can pull some strings kinda pull? Don’t mess with this guy kinda pull?
She. She’s been in the business since shortly after we got out of college, and has since worked her way up a bit with a company that has funeral homes all around the area.
There’s a lot of dead ends in that profession, joker, and youre often expected to work long hours… so you know you’ll be dead beat after work. Think it over first.
With which ones, the living or the dead ones?
Just kidding…Hello to you as well.
I don’t like much of the living either.
That’s my goal really, to misappropiate ten years of government public funds, grants, and loans for ten years without working all that much. The way I see it the United States isn’t going to last another ten years socially or economically anyways where I am just going to have all the fun I can get over this abysmal cliff…
Bernie Sanders will save us
The United States and the entire world is fucked. Everybody around the world knows this except for the majority of idiotic American sheople. It really doesn’t matter who wins next election whether it be a Trump, Hitlery, or Sanders.
They’re all going to fuck up the entire nation more so than it already is where I support them all only in that I would like nothing more than a collapsed American empire falling into chaos, anarchy, and civil war for my own personal ends.
My only problem is that I wish they would hurry up the entire shit storm of a nation in that I am not getting any younger over here.
Canada will occupy the Midwest as peace keepers, force everyone into refugee camps, force you onto Canadian socialism. They will make everyone say “God Save The Queen” before each meal. If you misbehave, they will make you work in the oil sands.
Funny. While all that goes on I will be contemplating things like highway robbery, home invasions, and kidnapped soldier hostage negotiations.
I will find half starved women providing them with food and security for my own exclusive sexual use or needs.
Hmmm… you sound like a FEMA Camp Guard. Ever thought about just working for them, so your always on the safe side. You know they will always have good, and food gets you BJs during disasters.
Shit… look at all those sign language interpreter jobs, outrageous pay.
How do you get certified for that? I can see you practicing sign language in a cabin by yourself.
Found one, security at FEMA. Basic guard duty, paid more than a doctor:
fema.usajobs.gov/GetJob/ViewDetails/427205100
The limit is 185500 last I checked. That’s enough for an undergrad degree at a public school with a 5th year master’s and part of the cost of medical school if you want to be a Dr. You’ll graduate 200k in debt.
I don’t care about sides. They’re all the same to me with similar outcomes.
The only side I care about is my own. Government, revolutionaries, or even civilians. Fuck em all.
If you want to fuck those people, fine, but I tend to target the attractive women to sleep with myself. But hey, if you want sex from gov and revolutionaries, so be it, swing your dick however.
Debt doesn’t really matter to me. Once the economy collapses all debts will become erased overnight.