[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AipYaev9DVI[/youtube]
New episodes of the X-Files are pretty cool. I like them and am glad the series is back.
Extremely sick the last couple of days.
No, a random horrible strain of the flu.
bird flu? swine flu? regular flu?
Bubonic plague with a mix of leprosy.
Shoulda got a flu shot man.
Like I would ever trust a government agency to inject me with anything.
I’d rather trust the Grim Reaper.
I hate being sick. It reminds me of my own mortality.
Lately I’ve begun seeing a psychiatrist not because I think that I have any problems but because I am trying to get a hold of some government money to fund my schooling along with a bunch of other public free goodies that comes with being classified legally insane.
This is my last ditch effort in trying to coexist with society and civilization at large peacefully. If this scheme doesn’t work I really don’t know what I am going to do as I find it more difficult than ever to keep the monster in me chained up from being unleashed.
There might finally come a day where I finally snap where despair, ruin, and destruction will follow me everywhere I go.
I of course don’t tell this psychiatrist everything as that would surely get me locked up in a street jacket right away in a state hospital. If they only knew the twisted thoughts inside my noodle.
No, I tell the Swede as I like to call him just enough to get me what I need in terms of community and government resources. Most of the time as I sit on his couch divulging my thoughts or feelings I can tell that he hasn’t the slightest clue in approaching an individual like me. I am out of his league and more smarter than he is.
He has no experience in dealing with people like me.
Still, in the usual art of deception or subterfuge I allow him to take command of the conversations from time to time making him feel like he is in control or that he has power. In reality I control everything.
Recently we’ve done some behavioral testing and since my results were off the standardized charts it took three psychiatrists in collective concert over a weekend just to simply diagnose me. Three of them! 
Of course they’re just scratching the surface and that is all their limited narrow minds will ever see.
I’m just a demon hiding in plain sight completely appearing innocuous towards the entire environment or society around him.
A fucking phantom freak of nature or some sort chaotic anomaly of evolution and natural selection.
I of coursd have no faith in their ridiculous quackery where it is all about elevating my own personal gain.
It’s been almost ten years living on the streets off and on in perpetual poverty.
I recently had a conversation with a career criminal that got out of prison having served hard time that there are even prisons outside of official prisons. For ten years I have lived in an open air prison system as I like to call it where my only crime is being poor and not being lucky enough to been born in an affluential family.
My cell is whatever poor dilapidated dwelling I can afford to live in. Freedom of mobility? I can’t afford it.
I can’t afford to go anywhere or do anything to which I reside most of my time in my cell that I am suppose to call home.
You might as well put bars on the windows.
Like all prisons you can’t afford to eat good where you are forced to accept whatever the government offers you. It comes in a form of ebt, soup kitchens, or a foodshelf. In fact some days, prisoners on the inside probably eat a whole lot better than the ones on the outside. Some weeks you can’t afford to eat where you become comfortable with starvation.
In inside prisons you are forced into constant solitary confinement. It is the same in open air prisons also concerning extreme poverty. You begin talking to yourself or imagining that other people are there just to create some sort of social company that you don’t otherwise have to fill in the void of severe isolation. Your mind bends and begins to crumble along with the very fabric of reality as you succumb to madness.
In inside prisons you have cellmates and in outside open air prisons you have streetmates where you all are human warehoused together into one place that is called a shelter. A shelter of course is just another prison.
In inside prisons you’re locked up for being a menace to society and yet in open air prisons surprisingly they judge you in the same manner.
In inside prisons you’re scum. In outside open air prisons you’re scum also.
In inside prisons you’re a disease meant to be contained and locked away. In outside open air prisons you’re a leper and where you reside a leper colony.
At least in inside prisons you’re allowed a fucking conjugal visit. In open air prisons you can’t afford sex or even the most basic human relationship.
In inside prisons you wear an orange jumpsuit that is a uniform with your identification number. In outside open air prisons you can’t afford new clothes where you’re marked by dirt, grind, or torn tattered clothes. A similar mark of distinction.
In inside prisons you have ridiculous religious clergymen talking about how there is room for you in their fictionally derived kingdom harrassing you as if everything else wasn’t already enough to withstand. Much the same in outside open air prisons in those regards. Oh, and remember, their god loves you on this earth.