[b]Joseph Heller
I’m not running away from my responsibilities. I’m running to them. There’s nothing negative about running away to save my life.[/b]
Don’t expect them to buy this though.
So many things were testing his faith. There was the Bible, of course, but the Bible was a book, and so were Bleak House, Treasure Island, Ethan Frome and The Last of the Mohicans. Did it then seem probable, as he had once overheard Dunbar ask, that the answers to riddles of creation would be supplied by people too ignorant to understand the mechanics of rainfall? Had Almighty God, in all His infinite wisdom, really been afraid that men six thousand years ago would succeed in building a tower to heaven?
Does anyone here know the right answer?
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
Yes, that includes Kids too.
When I was a kid, Orr replied, I used to walk around all day with crab apples in my cheeks. One in each cheek.
A minute passed. Why? Yossarian found himself forced to ask finally.
Orr tittered triumphantly. Because they’re better than horse chestnuts… When I couldn’t get crab apples, Orr continued, I used horse chestnuts. Horse chestnuts are about the same size as crab apples and actually have a better shape, although the shape doesn’t matter a bit.
Why did you walk around with crab apples in your cheeks? Yossarian asked again. That’s what I asked.
Because they’ve got a better shape than horse chestnuts, Orr answered. I just told you that.
Why, swore Yossarian at him approvingly, you evil-eyed, mechanically aptituded, disaffiliated son of a bitch, did you walk around with anything in your cheeks?
I didn’t, Orr said, walk around with anything in my cheeks. I walked around with crab applies in my cheeks. When I couldn’t get crab apples I walked around with horse chestnuts. In my cheeks.
Sure, we have our fair share of Orrs here too.
In fact, let’s actually name them.
I used to get a big kick out of saving people’s lives. Now I wonder what the hell’s the point, since they all have to die anyway.
Oh, there’s a point, all right, Dunbar assured him.
Is there? What’s the point?
The point is to keep them from dying as long as you can.
Yeah, but what’s the point, since they all have to die anyway?
The trick is not to think about that.
Never mind the trick. What the hell’s the point?
Dunbar pondered in silence for a few moments. Who the hell knows.
Truth be told, most things are like this, aren’t they?
Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include tooth decay in His divine system of creation? Why in the world did He ever create pain?
Pain? Lieutenant Shiesskopf’s wife pounced upon the word victoriously. Pain is a warning to us of bodily dangers.
And who created the dangers? Yossarian demanded. Why couldn’t He have used a doorbell to notify us, or one of His celestial choirs? Or a system of blue-and-red neon tubes right in the middle of each person’s forehead?
People would certainly look silly walking around with red neon tubes right in the middle of their foreheads.
They certainly look beautiful now writhing in agony, don’t they?
Of course these things never do get settled.