Pen-Powered Insanity

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Made it through. Took long enough for all the pieces to come together.

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zoom zoom.

trust in my, self-righteous suicide; I cry, when the gods deserve to die…

I was blind to the… which was psychological. not completely… but… beating the crap out of myself again. pain. lots of it. but, Love! And Butt Love! but… ow.

Thought I saw… when I did, broke me. Saw how I was already broken, in ways I didn’t know. fun, but… pain. Love! painful love. Love pain.

couldnt see, couldnt see, couldnt see. I couldnt see. knew; know I knew… but couldnt see, mind self-deluding. deaf, dumb, mute; and barking. brain dumb with words through… even the retarded are knowing.

i r retard

by your dumbass powers combined…

bye-bye, ahead of time. got to get that in. not much time left. bang, bang goes bullet.

no more to say, drop down. just didn’t click for me for 2 years. ran my head against the wall and just didn’t see. 4 years! and thensome I sure. All intellect and psychology meaningless. nothing. lacked knowledge of self; lacked ability to see what I saw and continued self-deluding.

just couldn’t see… have to keep moving, can’t break down completely like I should. ow, though. OW!!

heh…

got to end on smile so morale of herd doesnt drop. smile smile smile to cover up pain and hurt so they dont go mad like me… crazy and mad and mad and crazy.

kvgljfbksb. lkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

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I think the most brilliant part of all of this is that I dare to post and say and do things like this right in sight of everyone and everyone hates it and loves it and eats it up while puking it back out because it doesn’t taste just right.

Told you all a couple years ago that you’d want to see this when I told you to just let me fight. Thankfully, you’re loyal, patriotic Americans, or if not Americans; Humans; human patriotism; and you wanted the bloodsport. Luckily, you all were already getting bored with what was already commonplace and I came along just at the right time to save you all from your boredom. Majestically, because I’m a majestic bastard.

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Oh, and once again: Fuck you all. Ban me; come on… ban me permanently. Just get it over with, lol.

Another practical confession of my personal philosophy: I enjoyed entertaining, I enjoyed performing in front of others. While they were scratching their guilty pleasures by watching me and others bleed, I; at least on my own part; was scratching my own guilty pleasure by bleeding in front of them. I wasn’t enjoying it, but I was enjoying it for that reason. It wasn’t supposed to be enjoyable and it wasn’t enjoyable, therefore was enjoyable for that reason alone, along with taking on multiple enemies and gaining ground in arguments in warfare. Before I came here, I lead a campaign across a very small section of the internet; very small. And yet, I went international with it. Between politics on NationStates and World of Warcraft and Roblox Paintball, along with a few other places here and there, I fought against the legion of trolls and even took it international, gained the attention of the world before I even set out from home; before I even stepped foot in here.

A danger to governments, a danger to others as they were a danger to me, the fact that I was ripping up multiple people while losing myself in the mix, being lost, not knowing as much as I do now, and when knowing, not seeing, constantly gaining ground but constantly losing, and, I was coming out of the tail end of that right as I stepped foot in here as you all watched me push myself. I enjoyed it. I brought the world to your doorstep and used this as a stepping stone; a place to fight without getting thrown out that served as that stepping stone from there to what I now do in the mind no matter where I am. I’ve been successfully able to rip people up, entirely pissed off, all while restraining myself and giving bare-minimum body language showment of it and knowing full well that they’re hearing every word I speak through psychic connections of mass-consciousness. It’s what has enabled me to go 4 years homeless, on the streets, talking how I talk and walking how I walk, without once having to fight or kill physically, just by showing I was able to and the full tilt I could take it to for what I mastered here, first.

This place was the turning point in World War 3. Let that sink in.

My death clock is looking pretty awesome these days. Anywho, getting close to that hour.

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Some woman who will remain nameless asked me a while back… ‘what does God want with my pussy?’ I replied, ‘to stuff my cock in it.’

Gonna go out with the smell of lotus flowers still fresh in my nostrils, I think. They’re in bloom this year. I’m also pretty sure I go out on my knees with some hot, feisty thing holding a gun at my head.

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Then again, I might just be insane. Might just be crazy, having a stain of pain and damage upon my brain causing me to refrain from the ways of living on the societal train. I could be just a few steps off from reaching the actuality of how the world works and there might not be fate or free will and these notions of a society bred in depravity could just be… well, the mutterings of the depraved.

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The other day, I broke through the barrier in addiction; meth addiction namely. Now, I find it easier to come down from the high, easier to walk away from people I see smoking it without asking for some, etcetera. I was having an easy time of it before now, but now it’s an even easier time and noticeably so. Unlike Gib, I did not raise a big fuss about what I was doing or when or how; I merely stated what I was doing, how and why in pure straight-to-the-point fashion of I am doing this for further studies in psychology, paranormal/supernatural studies and for my own interest in drugs and mental exercises. To my own credit, I waited to try meth in my life until I was sure I could handle it, it’s been a rollercoaster ride much the same as it’s been for anybody and everybody else, and the withdrawals and highs have been Hellish Torture and Heavenly Bliss rolled into one. I will continue smoking Meth until the very day that I die, but as someone who can literally walk away from it any time I choose rather than being ridden by it.

This is what success looks like, for those who lack a backbone to find their own.

All you need is positivity

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Love is evolution, spell it backwards and you will begin to see… that love is painful, but only because it needs to be, has to be; some times wants to be.

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I am Reality.

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Daddy’s here; there will be more nightmares.

So… I hit a point recently that’s going to make the rest of my existence far easier. I was already moving that direction already, but it cleared some things up. It called for a change in avatar and signature as well as a continuance of discussions that were put somewhat on hold. My apologies for the delays, but emotional constraints are emotional constraints.

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