Letter to Donald Trump

Dear Donald,

So, I’ve become a disciple of your disaster politics.
I’ve been stimulating the economy lately.

There’s this retirement home nearby that has trees that drop very dangerous seeds for walking on in huge quantities. Everyday, someone sweeps them away. I spend about ten minutes a day kicking them back onto the sidewalk. So far, the sweeper has received more hours, and two elderly people have broken their hips. I’ve learned well from you.

I have recently taken to destroying cars with baseball bats, which has added substantially to stimulating the economy. You are my idol, I want to be just like you.

I’ll be expecting my medal of freedom soon.

Sincerely,

Ecmandu

Dear Donald,

I hope you read my last letter to you.

I mean! Honestly! These environmentalists complain about you, but how can they have jobs unless you are destroying the environment???

They’re ignorant! Hypocrites even!

If they weren’t hypocrites, they wouldn’t be working to preserve the environment as you work to destroy it, as they’d be conscientious objectors to the destruction of the environment by refusing to do anything about it!! What assholes Donald!! They just don’t see your vision like I do. Deregulation stimulates the economy for all!!

Again, I’ll be expecting my presidential medal of freedom from you soon! We are kindred spirits Donald!