Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst kase scenario.
I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.
Lol.
I saw a corona news article about how people could repurpose the corpses of once enthusiastic, but now dead farmers to remove the kitchen smells caused by cooking. It said they made great ex-tractor-fans.
I asked the librarian if she had a book on Pavlov’s Dog and Schrodinger’s cat.
She said it rang a bell but wasn’t sure if it was there or not.
Ohhhhhhhhhh
(this guy’s on fire)
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. “Nurse,”’ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. Now listen very, very, closely:
“Are - my - test - results - back?”
.
Lololol
Heard on an ad for Blaze TV, just now…
“The truth is out there, just don’t go looking for it.“
Sounds ominous 
Her to him: If you decide to join Pets, find me and buy me, then I’ll find you and buy you, then we can own each other…
Him to her: That’s hot…
Her to him: Hot people say hot things…
Him to her: True…
LMAO… the Tik Tok dances to this vid are hilarious.
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTCLKkrrNSE[/youtube]
That was funny
The thing about Caribbeans is… we just say we’re Caribbean… makes life a whole lot easier… which suits our laidback demeanour, as a Carib ain’t got time for none of That… hence the Jamaicans in that video identifying as Jamaican.
Black Caribbean… me a Caribbean, seen
White Caribbean… me Caribbean, ok
Chinese Caribbean… me Caribbean, u nuh
Indian Caribbean… when’s the roti ready?
Mixed Caribbean… stop asking me stu-pidness!
Trump admits to not knowing who Hydroxychloroquine is, despite what the fake news says.
What’s so brilliant about this guy is - aside from his physical ability to impersonate and sound like - how he is able to improvise the lines around the basic theme he has before hand. He knows the joke he has in mind before he starts, but he doesn’t have a plan to deliver it; he not reading from script, in other words. So he’s got to be able to carry us through at least two minutes on the fly while he sets up. This is difficult, but for him it’s some of the richest moments of perfect impersonation. When he’s having to think quickly he’s able to almost instinctually intuit what trump would have said… this is why he never fucks up and does it so well. These are the greatest comedians- the parodists - in my opinion.
The delicate and precise art of extracting behavioral nuance from extremely difficult places. The littlest things - a sudden dive in tonality, the brief pause, stuttering, use and resuse of signature words and phrases at the right time… etc.
