a new poem as yet to be titled

Creative Forums Creative Writing
1

do i exist
simply be-
cause

i think?

or is the face
in the mirror
a more authentic
being than my

self?

when i dream
does my mind
measure its
wingspan?

2

That totally rocks.

3

Thanks, faust, for the glowing praise. I’m not sure this poem is finished. I’m also not entirely sure the final stanza you hi-lighted belongs with this poem or might be a related, yet independent, idea to explore in a different poem on its own. It was written along with the previous two stanzas, but it seems like its a little divergent. Besides that, it seems like the poem wants to say a little more but not too much more. I may consider extracting that last stanza and compose another poem around it or ultimately leave it with this one. Because of this uncertainty, I almost hesitated posting this new rough poem, but I liked it enough as it was and, so, decided to post it. Perhaps I might get some useful suggestions from other ILP members as to how to best resolve my issues with it.

thanks agian faust,
Nels.

4

I think it has the effect of a suckerpunch - and I mean that as a compliment. I wasn’t quite prepared for it - it’s the setting that makes it so good, although it’s a rockin’ line by itself. I’m sure it’s a temptation to use it another way.

My uninformed and unexpert view is to let this child live, and find another way to say it, if you can, to explore it further. Let yourself inspire yourself, rather than copy yourself.

If that makes any sense.

5

It’s a case of ironic coinsidence that you use the word “SUCKERPUNCH” because I used that word as the title of a 9-11 poem that I wrote 5 yrs. ago.

lhw - AKA: The Stright-faced Clown AKA: M.C. Tape-Hiss

6

Who said: “If it doesn’t get you in the gut, it doesn’t make the cut”?

Oh. That was me. I said that.

I like it the way it is. That’s really all I know.