A Question For Jesus


OK This is a thread directed to Jesus. I have lots of questions, but I guess I should start with the question I asked above… but make it less ‘mundane’

Most people who believe in Jesus think they will get into heaven. The powerful and the rich do… warmongers do…. hateful Christians do…. average people who do nothing bad (nor anything particularly good) do, so my question is:

Q: Who gets to go to heaven and why?


Not a lot of action, huh? Maybe he’s too busy to answer or something. Just in case he’s in the mood, I’m a confirmed non-religious person and I have a question as well, Jesus, you brought a simple powerful message: Why did you let them screw it up? I mean, if it was important to our finding your father, why did you let them twist into what it is today? Why is the religion that bear’s your name the least likely place to find understanding of your message? Just wondering.


Good Question Tent.
I guess if we have waited a couple of thousand years, a few more days wont hurt? Besides who knows what the traffic’s like in his neck of the woods?

He told me that due to chronic hand pain and messy keyboard clean-up he doesn’t like to use the computer too much.

He’s more of a phone guy.

I would like to know if you and that Mary Mag’ gal ever did hook up and have kids like some rumors say…

He’s more of a phone guy.

He was until his father caught him dialing those 900 numbers…

Hey! clean it up! We don’t want to piss him off before he answers…


Metaphysical perception and understanding are attributes of the human mind.
What exists outside the human mind is neither perceivable nor understandable.
This is your dilemma.

If what is outside the human mind is cut, chopped and then reassembled to fit inside the human mind, it no longer is what it was.
What remains holds no resemblance to truth.
This is my dilemma.

Questions, for instance, do not exist outside your collective mind.
Questions can only strengthen the illusion that there are answers.
Questions and answers belong to your illusory world of cause and effect… of logic and reason… of meaning and purpose.
All of these are figments of the imagination – literally.

I state this now because the concepts and language I will use are yours, not mine.
I will answer your questions in due time.

I was looking forward to some warmth.

Let’s hope He has a sense of humor, or you guys are completely screwed.

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

Ummmm… Perhaps I should have put this in the Religious section?.. or maybe the Natural Science… or Creative Writing section?

I know the God of Blue Thunder and he could beat Jesus any day, so I’m not worried.

Anyone ever seen The Ruling Class?

I would like to ask Jesus if he is blown away that much of the world has decided to worship a nice Jewish boy like himself, and if it has gone to his head? I’m sure Mary would have been more than a little thrilled with a nice anesthesiologist. But, the Lord our Saviour?


Yo Jesus, I gotta little inside information for you. Your conception was not immaculate. I hear that one of Joseph’s drunk carpenter buddies knocked your mom up one night while Joseph was passed out cold. I don’t know if this means anything to you, but I thought I’d let you know.

As an aside, I got a few questions.

I wanna know how you do that water-walking trick.

And how did you heal that blind kid?

And the wine trick. I’ve been trying to change pine-cones into marijuana buds for years now. Or does that trick only work with fluid?


Without the philosopher’s stone, I don’t think you’ll get there. But take some good seed, soak 'em in pachouli oil, and stuff 'em into the pine cone. (the oil make’s 'em stick) They tell me it taste’s a little funny, but anything in the name of science…

According to an acquaintence of mine, a couple bottles of Mad Dog heightens the experience. I can’t speak to it myself, I don’t like pachouli oil and MD20-20 is too expensive for my taste. :laughing:


Question: Who gets into heaven and why?

Answer: No one and everyone.

No one – as you know yourselves to be – enters heaven because the identity you have constructed is not who you are.
This is the same for those you perceive as your loved ones and those you perceive as your enemies, alike.
It is the same for the “good” and the “evil” around you and within you.

All identities, as you know them, will evaporate.
No artificial entity is, was, or could be, part of reality.
What is not part of Reality (God) now, never was.

Everyone enters heaven because, in reality, “no one” has left.

An analogy is that of the dream and the dreamer.
A person does not leave the physical world when he is dreaming.
Only in his mind does the dreamer “leave” and, when the dreamer “returns”, he finds everything as he left it.
The dream world evaporates the further consciousness opens. And so it is in your illusory worlds.

A major difference between mental dreams and physical dreams is that in the physical dream, the one consciousness (and there is only one) appears to splinter into billions of consciousness fragments – like light passing through a prism. This one consciousness experiences its creation (the physical dream) from multiple sources simultaneously. It is, in effect, a shared dream.

Your illusion will come to an end when you realise that there is no separation between you and others/environment.
For instance, what you know as profound love is an experience of lessening separation (time & space) and increasing oneness.
Profound love goes beyond emotions of pleasure; profound love enables you to enter higher levels of consciousness. But profound love is the beginning, not the end.
I will expand upon this at another time.

hmmmm, methinks your education came a little south of Israel…

Perhaps you visited India, maybe China?


‘God Dam…’ err, I mean, Jolly Roger! Jesus is a bloody idealist. Old George Hegel will be turning in his grave! Who would have thought. :sunglasses:



i love jesus!

I’m just disappointed because there is so much potential for this role, and I feel like I could have done it better, or at least more humorously.