a thread for mundane ironists

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9541

[b]Existential Comics

One thing that a lot of people don’t understand is that smart people can still be dumb as fuck. In fact, having high intelligence does very little to prevent you from being a fucking idiot.[/b]

See, I told you.

“The customer is always right” is just a euphemism for admitting that ownership expects their employees to discard all dignity and self respect if it means earning them a dollar more.

Well, he is, after all, a Commie.

…people are like “you aren’t a real adult, you don’t even own a bed frame”, meanwhile they don’t even own a copy of Karl Marx’s “Das Kapital” in the original German, so…

Well, he is, after all, a Commie.

…you only have one life to live, imagine wasting it by not doing revenge on your enemies…

Tell me that’s not a good point!

I do believe that, philosophically speaking, one should shut the fuck up 99% of the time.

He means 99.99% of the time, of course.

The “linguistic turn” in philosophy was when one day Ludwig Wittgenstein was like “words, how the fuck do they work?” and philosophers were so pissed off about it they couldn’t think about anything else for like 40 years straight.

And that hasn’t change, right?
I just brought in the part about dasein.

9542

[b]Eugene Ionesco

To become conscious of what is horrifying and to laugh at it is to become master of that which is horrifying/[/b]

Right, like we won’t need a context here.

You can only predict things after they have happened.

Okay, let’s predict something about yesterday.
How about this: iambiguous yammers about dasein, dasein, dasein.

The end of childhood is when things cease to astonish us. When the world seems familiar, when one has got used to existence, one has become an adult.

In other words, for some on the day that they die. And, for those rare few, on the day they are born.

To tear ourselves away from the everyday, from habit, from mental laziness which hides from us the strangeness of reality, we must receive something like a real bludgeon blow.

Like mine. Right, Mr. Fulminating Fanatic Objectivist?

When silence confronts us, the question to which there is no answer rings out in the silence. That ultimate “why,” that great “why” is like a light that blots out everything, but a blinding light; nothing more can be made out.

I know: Invent a God!

I just can’t get used to life.

So, what can’t he get used to now? If anything at all.

9543

[b]Doth

I have said this before but it bears repeating: give women swords.[/b]

Not counting Wendy of course. :sunglasses:

If you know someone who is effortlessly happy in the morning, that is a demon. You’re friends with a demon.

And, as you might well imagine, there’s no way in hell I know someone like that.

In honor of George Orwell’s birthday, remember that we don’t have to wait for a dystopian future, we are living in it.

After all, when has it ever not been 1984?

The only thing I want to do before I die is befriend a crow.

You know the one. Or you ought to.

I exist & unfortunately that is something I’m going to have to deal with the rest of my life.

A bummer, right?

Nobody gets turned into vampires on dimly-lit cobblestone streets anymore. Because of cancel culture.

The Commies, right?

9544

[b]Mircea Eliade

The primitive magician, the medicine man or shaman is not only a sick man, he is above all, a sick man who has been cured, who has succeeded in curing himself.[/b]

You know, whatever that means.

Man makes himself, and he only makes himself completely in proportion as he desacrilizes himself and the world. The sacred is the prime obstacle to his freedom. He will become himself only when he is totally demysticized. He will not be truly free until he has killed the last god.

And goddess?

And I realize how useless wails are and how gratuitous melancholy is.

Unless, of course, there really are no other options.

A religious phenomenon will only be recognized as such if it is grasped at its own level, that is to say, if it is studied as something religious. To try to grasp the essence of such phenomenon by means of physiology, psychology, sociology, economics, linguistics, art or any other study is false; it misses the one unique and irreducible element in it - the element of the sacred.

Tautologically as it were.

Psychoanalysis justifies its importance by asserting that it forces you to look to and accept reality. But what sort of reality? A reality conditioned by the materialistic and scientific ideology of psychoanalysis, that is, a historical product.

Tautologically as it were.
Although here, maybe not.

…to have solely one thought, but it to be capable to destroy the universe.

Or, sure, start with what it can destroy.

9545

[b]Doth

What you do at night is between satan and your anxiety[/b]

That and not getting caught.

I respect the moon because it controls two of our most precious elements, oceans and wolves.

And, here, the pinheads.

Keep others afraid of you by calling Fall “the harvest.”

Better still, “the final harvest”.

Being sad in a museum is art

Though, oddly enough, not being happy.

Let an ancient demon take over your anxiety for a while. You’ve earned it.

Any ancient demons here?

As your goth personal trainer, I urge you to stay in shape so that you can outrun your horrifying past.

And goth personal trainers here?

9546

[b]Peter Watts

Brains are survival engines, not truth detectors.[/b]

They don’t call us naked apes for nothing, right?

I really wanted to talk to her.
I just couldn’t find an algorithm that fit.

Pillow talk no less.

Maybe your empathy’s just a comforting lie, you ever think of that? Maybe you think you know how the other person feels but you’re only feeling yourself, maybe you’re even worse than me. Or maybe we’re all just guessing.

And then it’s maybe all the way down.

How do you say ‘We come in peace’ when the very words are an act of war?

With a straight face I’m guessing.

[b]“My genes done gone and tricked my brain
By making fucking feel so great
That’s how the little creeps attain
Their plan to fuckin’ replicate
But brain’s got tricks itself, you see
To get the bang but not the bite
I got this here vasectomy
My genes can fuck themselves tonight.

  • The R-Selectors, Trunclade”[/b]

Pure poetry.

…but you had a point about language. When you get right down to it, it’s a work-around. Like trying to describe dreams with smoke signals. It’s noble, it’s maybe the most noble thing a body can do but you can’t turn a sunset into a string of grunts without losing something.

On other hand, not much hasn’t already been lost here.

9547

[b]God

“All men are created equal.” A man who owned 600 other men.[/b]

Wow, a Founding Father!

It took 3.5 billion years for life to evolve into something smart enough to destroy itself.

But that’s just on this planet.

You have a right to your opinion but it’s wrong and you’re stupid.

Yo, Mr. Fulminating Fanatic! Do I have a right to mine?

The best thing most of you can do to help the Earth is to start biodegrading.

Now, that’s the God some know and love!

Out of curiosity, where were you all thinking of moving after you’re done destroying the Earth? Because I assume you’ve thought that through.

Well, I’m sure Elon Musk has. So why worry?

Millions of years from now the next “intelligent” species will destroy itself by burning fossilized people. And I’ll laugh and laugh.

Well, He is loving, just and merciful, right?

9548

[b]Richard Avedon

I hate cameras. They interfere, they’re always in the way. I wish: if I could work with my eyes alone.[/b]

You know, like philosophers hating words.

For hours she danced and sang and flirted and did this thing that’s-she did Marilyn Monroe. And then there was the inevitable drop. And when the night was over and the white wine was over and the dancing was over, she sat in the corner like a child, with everything gone. I saw her sitting quietly without expression on her face, and I walked towards her but I wouldn’t photograph her without her knowledge of it. And as I came with the camera, I saw that she was not saying no.

Hell, who wouldn’t want to have their very own Marilyn Monroe story.

I am always stimulated by people. Almost never by ideas.

Wow, has he got that wrong, right?

The pictures have a reality for me that the people don’t. It is through the photographs that I know them.

I know, I know: “it’s so deep it’s meaningless”.

The moment an emotion or fact is transformed into a photograph it is no longer a fact but an opinion.

Or here a post?

Sometimes I think all my pictures are just pictures of me.

I know what he means.

9549

[b]God

UPCOMING VARIANTS
SIGMA - 100% vaccine-resistant
OMICRON - Signs pact with vaccine
UPSILON - Enslaves vaccine
PSI - Takes your money
TAU - Destroys your marriage
CHI - Makes heart and brain change places
OMEGA - Turns body into basic cable antenna
OMEGA PLUS - Same but with HBO[/b]

And, after all, He is God.

There are two kinds of people: the ones who believe in evolution, and the ones whose existence disproves it.

Of course: youtu.be/sP2tUW0HDHA

I’m not allowing anyone into heaven who isn’t vaccinated.
I’m not inviting them there, either.

Of course He did create the viruses, didn’t He?

I’ve lost control of the situation.

Again in other words.

People who are paranoid about the COVID vaccine need to understand that once you get the shot, you won’t even feel the microchip.

Think Snake Plissken.

When I start talking to you, you should start talking to a mental-health professional.

That would include a few of us here no doubt.

9550

[b]Diogenes

People who talk well but do nothing are like musical intruments; the sound is all they have to offer.[/b]

Ouch!
You know, if the shoe fits.

In a rich man’s house there is no place to spit but his face.

Point taken. On the other hand, is this really true?

To become self-educated you should condemn yourself for all those things that you would criticize others.

Or, sure, fuck that.

Of what use is a philosopher who doesn’t hurt anybody’s feelings?

What, even here?!

He lit a lamp in broad daylight and said, as he went about, “I am looking for a human.”

Next up: an honest man.

A friend is one soul abiding in two bodies.

Nope, never had one of those.

9551

[b]tiny nietzsche

a lot of work goes into achieving nothing[/b]

At least twice as much as in achieving something. Depending on the nothing of course.

if you think this week is bad, wait till you see the rest of the weeks forever

You know, being optimistic.

new abyss about to drop

Not only that but completely out of the blue.

I have lost all meaning

Why? Just lucky I guess.

open call for abyss architects

Cardboard only of course.

I like my coffee like I like my protagonists, conflicted

Who doesn’t? Well, aside from all the pinhead objectivists here.

9552

[b]Natalie Clifford Barney

Being other than normal is a perilous advantage.[/b]

More perilous than advantageous in, say, Nazi Germany.

I love the love of those who are far enough away, it becomes whatever I wish to believe it.

Like the love I feel from all of you here. :sunglasses:

Our shadows are taller than ourselves.

Or, for some, considerably shorter.

Sensuality, wanting a religion, invented Love.

So they tell me.

…anything difficult to say must be shouted from the rooftops.

If not from the Moon.

I do not understand those who spend hours at the theater watching scenes between people whom they would not listen to for five minutes in real life.

Yeah, somebody here explain that.

9553

[b]John Green

True terror isn’t being scared; it’s not having a choice on the matter.[/b]

That’s not false.

As the tide washed in, the Dutch Tulip Man faced the Ocean:
Conjoiner rejoinder poisoner concealer revelator. Look at it, rising up and rising down, taking everything with it.
What’s that? Anna asked.
Water, the Dutchman said. Well, and time.

Fuck the water, he thought, it’s all about time now for me.

There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it.

I know! Let’s just assume that’s an option!!

She loved mysteries so much, that she became one.

How about this: she loved solutions so much, that she became one. Or, here, if the objectivist shoe fits.

I’m a good person but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person but a good writer. We’d make a good team.

Next up: shitty person, shitty writer. The rule as they call it.

I love you present tense.

Next up: the inevitable future tense.

9554

[b]tiny nietzsche

I was disliking stuff the whole time[/b]

Of course: an epiphany!

camus: up the beach
sartre: standing in the shower thinking
nietzsche: mountain song

You tell me.

classic rock killed my dad

Though, for some, sure, what a way to go.

and if you gaze long into an algorithm, the algorithm also gazes into you

Anyone here with an example?

making the worst of it

For example, when there really isn’t any other option.

life is buffering

If only in the best of all possible worlds.

9555

[b]Marlene Dietrich

Darling, the legs aren’t so beautiful, I just know what to do with them.[/b]

All the other parts too.

I do not think that we have a “right” to happiness. If happiness happens, say thanks.

Yes, that is one way to look at it.

Seeing twilight fall should be prescribed by doctors.

And philosophers of course.

What a man notices first about a woman is whether she notices him.

Explain that further, Mr. Reasonable.

Words can bruise and break hearts, and minds as well. There are no black and blue marks, no broken bones to put in plaster casts, and therefore no prison bars for the offender.

What, even here?!

I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself.

Quote, end quote.

9556

[b]so sad today

thanks but i’ll be my own worst enemy[/b]

Though, sure, try again later.

home is where the anxiety is

If, for some, only all the way to the grave.

getting over anyone is a fucking miracle

And, no, not just getting over me.

i want a warm chocolate chip cookie to go down on me

Let’s all imagine that together.

my face is annoying

Let’s call this the Tilda Swinton Syndrome.

leaving the house was never my thing

Next up: leaving the recliner.

9557

[b]Elizabeth Barrett Browning

What frightens me is that men are content with what is not life at all.[/b]

And even then only when there’s moolah in the coolah.

What is genius but the power of expressing a new individuality?

Some being more ingenious than other, I’m guessing.

Earth’s crammed with Heaven.

The hell you say.

I heard an angel speak last night
And he said, “Die!”

And then down that road…
"I heard an angel speak last night
And he said, “Die!”

Never say No when the world says Aye.

Among other things, fuck that, he stammered.

A great man leaves clean work behind him, and requires no sweeper up of the chips.

Any great men posting here? :wink:

9558

[b]so sad today

horoscope: fuck[/b]

Talk about a double entendre.

fuck the meaning of life

Talk about a double entendre.

it’s embarrassing that i still exist

You know, if she still does.

ever just feel paranoid for your entire life

Well, not yet of course.

friday niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!! yeahhhh!!! wooooooooooo!!!
just kidding

Next up: saturday.

we get the mystical origins we think we deserve

Hey, if the shoe fits, right?

9559

[b]Jordan Ellenberg

Mathematics is the extension of common sense by other means.[/b]

Not counting all the ferocious squabbles here of course.

One of the great joys of mathematics is the incontrovertible feeling that you’ve understood something the right way, all the way down to the bottom; it’s a feeling I haven’t experienced in any other sphere of mental life. And when you know how to do something the right way, it’s hard-for some stubborn people, impossible-to make yourself explain it the wrong way.

Not counting all the ferocious squabbles here of course.

A reasonable person believes, in short, that each of his beliefs is true and that some of them are false.

Any reasonable people here? Please confirm this.

[b]There are two moments in the course of education where a lot of kids fall off the math train. The first comes in the elementary grades, when fractions are introduced. Until that moment, a number is a natural number, one of the figures 0, 1, 2, 3 . . . It is the answer to a question of the form “how many.”* To go from this notion, so primitive that many animals are said to understand it, to the radically broader idea that a number can mean “what portion of,” is a drastic philosophical shift. “God made the natural numbers,” the nineteenth-century algebraist Leopold Kronecker famously said, “and all the rest is the work of man.”

The second dangerous twist in the track is algebra. Why is it so hard? Because, until algebra shows up, you’re doing numerical computations in a straightforwardly algorithmic way. You dump some numbers into the addition box, or the multiplication box, or even, in traditionally minded schools, the long-division box, you turn the crank, and you report what comes out the other side. Algebra is different. It’s computation backward. When you’re asked to solve.[/b]

For me actually it was calculous.

Safety warning: never divide by zero unless a licensed mathematician is present.

Let alone by negative zero.

Math, like meditation, puts you in direct contact with the universe, which is bigger than you, was here before you, and will be here after you.

Wow, how heartening is that?

9560

[b]Philosophy Tweets

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.” Marie Curie[/b]

I’m sorry, but in any number of contexts that is quite simply ridiculous. Point taken though.

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” George Eliot

Right. Tell that to, among others, the Grim Reaper.

“Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions.” T.S.Eliot

He means “evil” of course.

“Sometimes things become possible if we want them bad enough.” T.S. Eliot

Not always though, he smirked.

“Honest people don’t hide their deeds.” Emily Brontë

Except, perhaps, in Afghanistan these days. Fucking religion again.

“When you are convinced your cause is just, you fight for it.” Rigoberta Menchu

Ah, the Adolph Hitler Syndrome
Among others I’m sure.

“I am like a drop of water on a rock. After drip, drip, dripping in the same place, I begin to leave a mark…” Rigoberta Menchu

Tell that to the rock.