a thread for mundane ironists

Social Forums Non-Philosophical Chat
10861

[b]The Onion

Brazilians Terrified That Riot Could Lead To Tedious Congressional Hearings [/b]

Well, the red state Brazilians anyway.

Man Has Real Thing For Blond-Haired, Blue-Eyed Aryans Of Pure Breeding Stock

Yo, AJ!
You know, among others.

Police Ask For Public’s Help In Falsifying Report

Well, that was inevitable.

Woman Relieved Soulmate Turned Out To Be In Same Socioeconomic Bracket

Let’s send her here: sugardaddie.com/

New Tesla Model To Include Undercarriage Thresher To Shred All Evidence Of Running Someone Over

Elon Musk: Genius!

Study Finds Early Humans Selectively Bred Corn To Be Less Aggressive

Girly corn we call it today.

10862

[b]Sylvia Plath from The Bell Jar

I wanted to do everything once and for all and be through with it.[/b]

There are two versions of this…if you get my drift.

If there’s anything I look down on, it’s a man in a blue outfit.

She means uniform of course.

The day I went into physics class it was death.

That I can believe.

I decided I would put off the novel until I had gone to Europe and had a lover, and that I would never learn a word of shorthand. If I never learned shorthand I would never have to use it.

Of course, we know how that turned out.

I hadn’t slept for seven nights. My mother told me I must have slept, it was impossible not to sleep in all that time, but if I slept, it was with my eyes wide open, for I had followed the green, luminous course of the second hand and the minute hand and the hour hand of the bedside clock through their circles and semi-circles, every night for seven nights, without missing a second, or a minute, or an hour.

No, really, imagine actually doing that.

I hated to serve men in any way.

Yo, Ted!

10863

[b]God

When you do it it’s war, genocide, cancer, hunger, misery, and suffering of every description. When I do it it’s “mysterious ways”.[/b]

See, didn’t I tell you?

Jesus died for your sins and soon the Earth will too.

So much for the Second Coming.

I’m going to hit the universe once with My hand and see if that fixes it.

Nope, nothing yet.

Wishing you all a happy and Twitter-less New Year.

You’ll find God here now: universeodon.com/@TheTweetOfGod

I don’t miss Twitter but I do miss insulting Twitter on Twitter.]

Not only that but he sent His Tesla to the car crusher.

Never let the fear of failing keep you from failing.

How’s that going for you?

10864

[b]Ralph Ellison from Invisible Man

I can hear you say, “What a horrible, irresponsible bastard!” And you’re right. I leap to agree with you. I am one of the most irresponsible beings that ever lived. Irresponsibility is part of my invisibility; any way you face it, it is a denial. But to whom can I be responsible, and why should I be, when you refuse to see me? And wait until I reveal how truly irresponsible I am. Responsibility rests upon recognition, and recognition is a form of agreement.[/b]

Being a bastard myself, I hear that.

To see around corners is enough (that is not unusual when you are invisible). But to hear around them is too much; it inhibits action.

Being invisible mself, I hear that.

Then in my mind’s eye I see the bronze statue of the college Founder, the cold Father symbol, his hands outstretched in the breathtaking gesture of lifting a veil that flutters in hard, metallic folds above the face of a kneeling slave; and I am standing puzzled, unable to decide whether the veil is really being lifted, or lowered more firmly in place; whether I am witnessing a revelation or a more efficient blinding.

Next up: the veils here.

We create the race by creating ourselves and then to our great astonishment we will have created something far more important: We will have created a culture. Why waste time creating a conscience for something that doesn’t exist? For, you see, blood and skin do not think!

Next up: our culture.

My hole is warm and full of light. Yes, full of light. I doubt if there is a brighter spot in all New York than this hole of mine, and I do not exclude Broadway. Or the Empire State Building on a photographer’s dream night. But that is taking advantage of you. Those two spots are among the darkest of our whole civilization…which might sound like a hoax, or a contradiction, but that (by contradiction, I mean) is how the world moves: Not like an arrow, but a boomerang.

Karma some call it.

To hell with being ashamed of what you liked.

Let’s just assume there are exceptions.

10865

[b]Existential Comics

People make fun of James Cameron for having characters say stuff like “let’s kill the environment because I love MONEY and am EVIL” but you literally cannot make it too obvious, because half the country can only recognize villains if you model them after our geopolitical enemies.[/b]

Yeah, what about that?!

Stoicism, the ancient Greek philosophy that claims everyone will be happier if they just chill the fuck out for once in their lives, is still to this day the wisest philosophy ever created.

Factoring in dasein of course.

No one talks about it but the biggest nerds on earth are found at the gym.

What, including Joe Gold’s?!

Dudes who know like 36 different ways to do a push up, the names of all the muscles each one builds, the chemical composition of every food item, and why it will synergize with their nerd ass pushups.

Actually, I used to be one myself. No, really. Back in the Larry Scott, Dave Draper, Sergio Oliva days.

Just spitballing here but I think we should form some kind of secret cabal that infiltrates schools and the media to indoctrinate the youth into communist ideology and usher in a New World Order.

Who will join him?!!

Reading the Communist Manifesto and nodding my head the whole time so the people on the bus know I agree with it.

Who hasn’t that happened to?

10866

[b]Max Stirner from The Ego and Its Own

Entitled or unentitled — that does not concern me, if I am only powerful, I am of myself empowered, and need no other empowering and entitling.[/b]

Pick one:
1] bully
2] thug
3] uberman

The habit of the religious way of thinking has biased our mind so grievously that we are – terrified at ourselves in our nakedness and naturalness; it has degraded us so that we deem ourselves depraved by nature, born devils.

Hey, if the shoe fits.

Moral influence takes its start where humiliation begins; yes, it is nothing else than this humiliation itself, the breaking and bending of the temper down to humility.

Any of the humiliated here?

…it is only through the ‘flesh’ that I can break the tyranny of mind; for it is only when a man hears his flesh along with the rest of him that he hears himself wholly.

In other words, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Language or “the word” tyrannizes hardest over us, because it brings up against us a whole army of fixed ideas.

Ah, the pinheads. Who, having tyrannized themselves, are then out to tyrannize the rest of us. If you let them.

The man who is set free is nothing but a freed man, a libertinus, a dog dragging a piece of chain with him: he is an unfree man in the garment of freedom, like the ass in the lion’s skin.

You know, whatever that means.

10867

[b]The Onion

Fugitive Bolsonaro Coup Supporters Hide Deep In Amazon Rainforest’s Last Remaining Tree[/b]

Last two trees actually.

Weird Man Begins Every Morning By Dousing His Naked Body In Water

He calls it “a shower”.

Study Reveals That Girls Who Play Princess Grow Up With Skewed Perceptions Of The Role Of Modern Monarchy In A Democratic Society

Next up: boys who play Prince Harry.

Zoo Assures Public Escaped Leopard Will Kill Them Quickly

And if it doesn’t?

Kamala Harris Assures Public No One Has Given Her A Single Classified Document

Besides, she doesn’t own a Corvette.

Raging Wildfire Disgusted By Kitchen Stove Flame’s Subservience To Humans

Anthropomorphism on steroids!

10868

[b]Gertrude Stein from The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas

She always says she dislikes the abnormal, it is so obvious. She says the normal is so much more simply complicated and interesting.[/b]

Of course, you’re own abnormal may be entirely different.

A little artist has all the tragic unhappiness and the sorrows of a great artist and he is not a great artist.

Next up: a little philosopher.

I like a view but I like to sit with my back turned to it.

If you know what she means.

After a while I murmured to Picasso that I liked his portrait of Gertrude Stein. Yes, he said, everybody says that she does not look like it but that does not make any difference, she will, he said.

Decide for yourself: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portrait_ … rude_Stein

Sure, she said, as Pablo once remarked, when you make a thing, it is so complicated making it that it is bound to be ugly, but those that do it after you they don’t have to worry about making it and they can make it pretty, and so everybody can like it when the others make it.

Well, that certainly explains something I suppose.

The important thing, she insists, is that you must have deep down as the deepest thing in you a sense of equality. Then anybody will do anything for you.

How’s that working out for you?

10869

[b]The Onion

600,000 Americans Go Missing Every Year: Here’s Why You Still Aren’t Seeing Cheaper Kidney Prices[/b]

No, really, that is puzzling.

Man Who Stopped Dieting Already Seeing Results

The “Blimp” they call him

Passersby Can’t Help But Stare At Woman’s Huge Kids

Blimps, he called them.

Man Worried Antidepressants Will Leave Trace Of Original Personality

And well he should be.

Troubled Iowa Teen Sculpts Butter AR-15

Though, come on, it could be any state.

All Flights Grounded After FAA Officials Suddenly Realize That Man Was Not Meant To Fly

Indeed: youtu.be/Svrhf3dKJ60

10870

[b]Don DeLillo from White Noise

How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn’t they paralyze us? How is it we can survive them, at least for a little while? We drive a car, we teach a class. How is it no one sees how deeply afraid we were, last night, this morning? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret without knowing it? Wear the same disguise?[/b]

So, psychobabble or not?

No sense of the irony of human experience, that we are the highest form of life on earth, and yet ineffably sad because we know what no other animal knows, that we must die.

And now at 86 all the more so.

I’ve got death inside me. It’s just a question of whether or not I can outlive it.

Of course, no one has so far.

California deserves whatever it gets. Californians invented the concept of life-style. This alone warrants their doom.

Cue the rain gods.

The greater the scientific advance, the more primitive the fear.

Smart phones? Terrified.

It is possible to be homesick for a place even when you are there.

You tell me.

10871

[b]The Onion

Every Lie George Santos Has Told About His Life Thus Far[/b]

He’s now on track to surpass Trump by Labor Day.

Report: Trying To Hug Oncoming Train Still Leading Cause Of Death For Nation’s Idiots

Imagine then the nation’s pinheads!

Man Given 3 Months To Live Throws In One Or Two Non-Sexual Things To Do

Right, like that’s even possible.

5-Year-Old Reluctantly Lets Crying Mom Sleep In His Bed Again

Let’s not go any further, okay?

Frustrated Man Doesn’t Know What Else He Can Do To Get Cat Purring

So, what did you resort to?

3 Dozen Chemical, Emotional Responses Activated By Phrase ‘Pigs In A Blanket’

And that’s just pertaining to cops.

10872

[b]Mark Z. Danielewski from House of Leaves

Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or a terribly thin line near the corner of your mouth indicating something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share.[/b]

Like most of us here, for example.

Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer.

Your passion might be different.

Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.

Of course: The gap!

Little solace comes
to those who grieve
when thoughts keep drifting
as walls keep shifting
and this great blue world of ours
seems a house of leaves
moments before the wind.

Let’s write a book about it.

It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine.

That’s one point of view, sure.

We all create stories to protect ourselves.

And some of them are actually true.

10873

[b]Eric Hoffer

The less justified a man is in claiming excellence for his own self, the more ready he is to claim all excellence for his nation, his religion, his race or his holy cause.[/b]

Ah, the MAGA morons. You know, if they are morons.

If a society is to preserve stability and a degree of continuity, it must learn how to keep its adolescents from imposing their tastes, values, and fantasies on everyday life.

Here? the “yak, yak, yak” crowd.

There are no chaste minds. Minds copulate whenever they meet.

Well, not counting Maia’s of course. :wink:

The impression somehow prevails that the true believer, particularly the religious individual, is a humble person. The truth is the surrendering and humbling of the self breed pride and arrogance. The true believer is apt to see himself as one of the chosen, the salt of the earth, the light of the world, a prince disguised in meekness, who is destined to inherit the earth and the kingdom of heaven too. He who is not of his faith is evil; he who will not listen will perish.

Cue [among others] her and him?

…in the shaping of a life, chance and the ability to respond to chance are everything.

Well, along with contingency and change of course.

The radical and the reactionary loathe the present. They see it as an aberration and a deformity.

And both loathe me with a vengeance.

10874

[b]Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley from Frankenstein

The whole series of my life appeared to me as a dream; I sometimes doubted if indeed it were all true, for it never presented itself to my mind with the force of reality.[/b]

See, I told you.

Man, I cried, how ignorant art thou in thy pride of wisdom!

Well, sure, of course they had pinheads back then.

Listen to me, Frankenstein. You accuse me of murder; and yet you would, with a satisfied conscience, destroy your own creature. Oh, praise the eternal justice of man!

Ah, the real world.

Thus strangely are our souls constructed, and by slight ligaments are we bound to prosperity and ruin.

Ah, the Benjamin Button Syndrome.

Learn from me, if not by my precepts, at least by my example, how dangerous is the acquirement of knowledge, and how much happier that man is who believes his native town to be his world, than he who aspires to become greater than his nature will allow.

Of course: starting here.

Hateful day when I received life! I exclaimed in agony. Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust? God, in pity, made man beautiful and alluring, after his own image; but my form is a filthy type of yours, more horrid even from the very resemblance. Satan had his companions, fellow-devils, to admire and encourage him; but I am solitary and abhorred.

Go ahead, fit yourself in there somewhere.

10875

[b]The Onion

Less Popular Friend Proposes Combining Birthdays Into Single Party [/b]

Sure, try this yourself.

Report Finds Billionaires Paying Zero Dollars In Income Taxes By Writing ‘No Thank You Please’ On Return

Sure, try this yourself.

I Don’t See Race; I Only See Grayish-Brown, Vaguely Humanoid Shapes

Thump him, AJ!

MLK’s Family Urges Nation To Spend Anniversary Of His Death Twisting His Words To Fit Own Political Agendas

How’d you spend it?

Andrew Tate Defense Team Assembled From Dozens Of Lawyers Trafficked From Eastern Europe

Hey, practice make perfect.

New Parenting Trend Involves Just Handing Children Bulleted List Of Things To Accomplish By 30

Includes getting IC to link them to that video.

10876

me? which vid? why would that be on the list?

this one?
ilovephilosophy.com/viewtopic.p … 3#p2876183

There’s no video.

Sorry, kids.

10877

[b]Tom Stoppard from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where’s it going to end?[/b]

Anyone here know?

Pirates could happen to anyone.

Nope, not so far.

Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one, a moment, in childhood, when it first occurred to you that you don’t go on forever. It must have been shattering, stamped into one’s memory. And yet I can’t remember it.

It was March 12th, 1958. About 10 after 11 in the morning. Of course, I’m just making that up.

Rosencrantz: We might as well be dead. Do you think death could possibly be a boat?
Guildenstern: No, no, no… Death is…not. Death isn’t. You take my meaning. Death is the ultimate negative. Not being. You can’t not be on a boat.
Rosencrantz: I’ve frequently not been on boats.
Guildenstern: No, no, no—what you’ve been is not on boats.

Though for you it might not be a boat that you’re not on at all.

Stark raving sane.

If that’s actually possible of course.

It would have been nice to have had unicorns.

Them and dragons of course.

10878

[b]The Onion

Chic Apartment Features Exposed Brick Right Outside Living Room Window[/b]

Your idea of chic may be different.

God Pissed After Learning Cost To Replace Earth’s Core

Or, for that matter, some suspect, even the mantle.

Girlfriend Talks Through Whole Goddamn Commercial

During the Super Bowl no less!!!

Authorities Reveal Murderer Googled ‘How To Leave Obvious Trail Of Homicide Evidence’ Prior To Crime

A pinhead murderer, it turned out.

More Companies Cutting Costs By Replacing CEOs With Prison Labor

And, it turns out, not just in China.

Blue Cross CEO Admits It Would Really Help If Sick Insured People Just Killed Themselves

You know, the bottom line.

10879

[b]Emil M. Cioran from The Trouble with Being Born

Time, fertile in resources, more inventive and more charitable than we think, possesses a remarkable capacity to help us out, to afford us at any hour of the day some new humiliation.[/b]

Like, for the pinheads here, posting. Time after time after time.

In Buddhist writings, mention is often made of “the abyss of birth." An abyss indeed, a gulf into which we do not fall but from which, instead, we emerge, to our universal chagrin.

And it’s not like we were asked for permission.

If death is as horrible as is claimed, how is it that after the passage of a certain period of time we consider happy any being, friend or enemy, who has ceased to live?

Like he didn’t have 84 years in which to end his own.

“Ever since I was born”—that since has a resonance so dreadful to my ears it becomes unendurable.

So, his solution? To endure it for 31,000 days

Every phenomenon is a corrupt version of another, larger phenomenon: time, a disease of eternity; history, a disease of time; life, again, a disease of matter. Then what is normal, what is healthy? Eternity? Which itself is only an infirmity of God.

You know, being optimistic.

An aphorism? Fire without flames. Understandable that no one tries to warm himself at it.

Not counting Nietzsche’s of course.

10880

[b]The Onion

Distracted God Accidentally Puts Baby’s Soul In Envelope To Utility Company[/b]

[i]That doesn’t surprise me given this…

“…an endless procession of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions and tornadoes and hurricanes and great floods and great droughts and great fires and deadly viral and bacterial plagues and miscarriages and hundreds and hundreds of medical and mental afflictions and extinction events…making life on Earth a living hell for countless millions of men, women and children down through the ages…”[/i]

Recently Divorced Man Understands Working Through Emotions Might Take 2 To 3 Days

Me? About 20 minutes.

Man’s Family Too Ugly To Elicit Incestuous Fantasies

As luck would have it?

Man Figured Drug Addiction Would Take Up A Lot More Free Time

Fortunately, there are more to choose from: yourroom.health.nsw.gov.au/a-z-of-drugs

U.S. Blows Itself Up So China Can’t Have It

You know, if it comes to that.

Man Who Donated Sperm 25 Years Ago Contacted By Young Man Claiming To Be Guy Who Drank All His Sperm

Go figure?