Being an addict myself,- an accomplished poly-addict of more than 20 years straight,- (Not dead yet!) I’d preface this by saying that my own substance (ab)use has actually transcended psychodynamic processes entirely and become an expression of what Plato calls ‘mania’,- the God-descended madness of philosophy which carries Eros into the celestial height of the Forms even more surely than does noesis. So none of this applies to me. But, see, I contain within myself all that is below myself, and I can reconstruct the mental processes at play within other people, within myself, with perfect clarity.

It’s the early trauma in life that leads to the creation of the addict in the first place that stunts them emotionally, because trauma sort of does that, it creates a defense mechanism where you close off to the world to prevent future pain. In my own analytical work, I’ve found that it is in that closed off, defensive psychodynamic,- something Lacan calls the sinthomatic ego,- that a person will naturally pick up drugs as yet another defense of the stunted ego,-- the ego that has not embarked upon and cannot endure the “existential search of the self prompted by abandonment”,- something that occurs in healthy people when the infantile fantasy breaks down in childhood and we become adolescents and then adults, forsaking what I call the ‘primary narcissistic fantasy’ for the socius. The traumatized person refuses all pain and concocts a fantastic shell of a universe populated by nothing but ghosts, phantoms, idealizations, a universe of their own in which they never have to face abandonment by the “maternal refuge”, the primordial God of the infant self, again citing my own writing on the subject; the crack-pipe as a kind of surrogate breast lapped by the fiend,- to be torn away from their lips only with the deepest consternation and most primal kind of sub-mammalian, pure survival-instinct driven refusal,- the heroin and the needle as a kind of synthetic umbilicus fostering a dark, symbolic connection between the abjected subject and his idealized mother, a mother who never weaned them from her milk, nor forced them into the world on their own, a mother who still protects them from whatever fkd them up so bad.

What does Eros look like to you?

By this logic though, isn’t all of life an addiction?

Many people are addicted to work, others to tv shows, others to sex, others again to conspiracy theories, others to war, others to social gatherings, some to mathematics, some to trolling -

Who really confronts life in its ‘naked truth’ - ?

Im sure most of the readers of this post do. But other than these?

Well in modern times, yes Fixed; in modern times, most people indeed are psychologically stunted by the degenerate culture we live in. Unable to endure that search for the self, remaining in a stage of primary narcissism for their entire adult lives- the psychological image of the maternal refugium never breaking down or ceasing to serve as as psychical defense of the ego, something that’s only supposed to go on in early childhood while the ego forms the basic groundwork for later life in a dream of security Freud called the oceanic-instinct, a kind of fantastical omnipotence over Reality. And often, this primary-narcissism, beyond merely continuing, is found evolving into secondary-narcissism through dopamine-sucking social media loops, which is what most people understand narcissism to be- the full blow, sociopathic kind of narcissistic personality disorder characterized by the reception of emotional supply through the adulation of others over a fake projected image of self, but that is just an evolution of the less conspicuous, more elusive primary-narcissism of the underdeveloped, infantile fantasy. It’s pretty disgusting. Sort of what typifies a culture as a degenerate one. The diseased (sub)politics we see around us, the bizarre social media stuff: that’s all an expression of this. In a loose sense, people’s lives are mostly consumed by defensive mechanisms analogous to addiction as I described it, by which the delusional fantasy of the infant ego is maintained. But drug addiction bypasses a lot of mediating elements in the defensive strategy because it’s purely chemical, it goes right to the brain.

But there are other cultures, especially in the past, when this is not the case, when primary-narcissism is overcome in a move toward actual adulthood; cultures where this predominance of the stunted or non-existent self, the irreality of the self, does not hold sway. It is not the natural human state.

It looks like everywhere that Sarah isn’t.

Have you had a direct experience of Eros the youth in the literal sense? Is the direct experience of Eros the highest experience for you or is it being with Sarah? What’s the difference between being with Sarah vs being with Eros?