The feeling i get from your post is possi # 3, i trust my instints more often than not but thats not say i’m right.
The thing that strikes me is he remebers you after long period’s of time, where as playing games would not drag on for that amount of time i would assume… he’s proberly just really confused.
Mullfa, thanks for your reply.
Can I just ask why you still respond to him, still talk to him?
Sarax, I wish I knew. I’m guessing it’s part curiosity, part caring, and part masochism.
oh ok…
Big hug…
Thank you.
Hello!
I will be as brief as you… in my opinion you should quit it all and get away from him as fast as you can. My mom had a similar thing, she fell in love with a guy from another country, and later on she found out he’s married… then the usual “well… we’re about to break up soon” speech came… He came here with business only, although he SMSed her quite a lot. At a point he said he’ll take my mom on a cruise, to Vienna if I remember correctly… I of course said he won’t, although he gave her money to buy stuff for it, you know whatever she thought she’ll need for the trip (apparently it was supposed to last 2 weeks or so) or to have some pocket money for there. Turns out I was right. The SMS’s and calls started decreasing not only in length but also in frequencies.
I was of course right on my analysis regarding him (not leaving his wife, didn’t love my mom, she was just a fling to him, Vienna… and the money was apparently like a small way to shut her up sorta like “I gave you money, what more do you want ?!” attitude etc.). After a while he pulled out of the business here (he had an associate here) but SMSed her I’d say once every 2 months if she was lucky (so similar to your situation) and after my mom would reply say, twice, he’d disappear for months. And that lasted for around 2 years or so… yeah my mom did love him.
After some time I managed to talk my mom out of it and she finally didn’t reply to him at all. Then he SMSed her again a week later. Nothing. Then again 2 weeks later after that… Nothing again. So he realised she’s not the sucker he thought she is and quit. Now she found a nice guy from here, he loves her a lot and although they have their bad moments (I hate hearing them argue) they are more or less happy - cos most quarrels come cos of lack of money.
… anyhow, back to the point. To me, it sounds like you keep hurting yourself and somehow even though you won’t admite on the outside, your subconcious seems to have clinged to a small tad of hope there that he might come through in the end. That may happen, but you ahve to ask yourself, how much are you willing to wait ? Your soulmate might already be out there looking for oyu while you’re wasting time with someone that does nothing but play mind games (apparently, from what you are saying and associating it with what happened in my mom’s case). You think he has feelings for you when all he does is hurt you emotionally. That is not love.
Trust me, I’m a guy, so I am far from perfect, I am a jerk, I am an asshole, I am many things, but one thing I am not: the kind of person that guy is. I am quite honest about everything, from things I do, to things I think (well… I mean stuff like not hiding something, although I won’t say everything if the timing is not right…), I am rational, logical and decent. There is a girl I am very much in love with and try to do everything I can to make her happy and there doesn’t go one day by in which I don’t tell her how proud I am of her and how much I love her and that I think she is the most beautiful girl in the world. And the best part is, she knows I mean it, she is happy because I make her happy and I am happy because she is happy.
Let me put it this way. If I had feelings for you I wouldn’t hide them. I wouldn’t waste time saying “what if it is not mutual ?”. OK so you don’t feel the same way. I will be disappoitned and hurt (maybe, depends how well I cope with it, but most likely be hurt even 50%). Then I move on, we remain friends if you want to, if not, np… But if I don’t say anything I will wonder, my whole life, “what if I would have told her how I really felt… maybe things would have been different but now I will never know”. My point ? Why would he “shut down” (maybe even literally ?) when you ask about his feelings… or better said, if he does tell you he has them, why not act upon them ? As you said, actions speak louder than words.
This girl I talekd about earlier knows she is my dream girl, because I don’t say I LOVE YOU as much as I show it. She FEELS I love her, so it is not words she hears but my heart that speaks to her. She accepts me just how I am yet I know I have flaws and ever since I met her I fixed so many that I became a better man (she says I am perfect… hah what a sweetheart she is, I swear !!!) simply cos I love her so much that I’m willing to change by fixing all the stupid mentalities I have, stop doin all the idiotic things and so on… f.e. before meeting her I was jealous, full of hate etc. etc. only bad negative feelings. Now, I am calm, polite, cordial and not jealous (except the 15% allowed 
)
Anyway, you seem like a great person, and someone who deserves a nice life. A HAPPY life, and not to be trapped in someone’s sick mind game just for “laughs”. Although I may be wrong and you might be right… the final choice is yours. But if I was you, I’d get out of it.
As for this:
Think the real reason is you like playing it safe. Hey - I could be wrong, so don’t try to lynch me just yet. But perhaps deep down, your subconcious, mind, heart, whatever you wanna call it, likes not being commited in a relationship, yet having someone there boyfriend-like. Like I said, I might be wrong, but I saw this type of attitude before. Assuming I’m right (think about it before trying to strangle me, hehe) I suggest you think about how happy YOU should be, instead of him, since he doesn’t seem to care much.
There are guys prolly looking for you even now, in parks, bars, everywhere… most will probably be your type of guys, they might be great guys, they might be assholes, who knows ? You’ll never know unless you check them out too. My opinion is he doesn’t deserve you at all.
Still, I wish you good luck whatever your decision will be.
P.S. excuse the typos, it’s 4 am here 
Nomad, thank you for taking the time to give me such an insightful reply. It really helped.
There are so many people in this exact same situation. Your mom and I aren’t unique. I’ve read threads on other forums that were so much like mine I could’ve written them myself. He comes into my life (or computer) just often enough to keep me hanging on. And you’re right, I do think that a tiny part of me is hoping he might eventually come around, although my rational mind knows better.
Your tagline is something I need to put to memory and repeat many times a day. It sums up my situation.
Thanks again.
my vote is for number 2…
Its not necessarily that he enjoys the mind games per se, but likely the power trip is on.
You’re an outlet that allows him to have complete control. He messages you and you respond. Then, he can ignore you and withold contact whenever he wants.
The flow of emotion and care is one way. You know he is a liar already.
He dictates the terms and method of contact, you are expected to play along. When you violate the terms, he shuts down and will not be in contact with you.
Sounds pretty pathological to me…
cheers,
gemty
When you put it that way, you’re right, it is pathological. I guess I needed someone else to say it.
Thank you.
no worries