anyone else feel this way?

Social Forums Non-Philosophical Chat
1

i have recently discovered that i am a very unsympathetic person, and basically a douchebag

example:

when i was 7 the police officer came to school to say “drugs are bad, don’t smoke”. while i can completely understand people wanting to decide that for themselves, several of my peers took it up, and are now addicted and moneyless…so they complain about the drain cigarettes have on their wallet, but it falls on deaf ears… we both were told drugs are bad and now your addicted… its your own fault, go die in a fire please

another example:

when i was 7 years old i was told to do my homework to get into a good college to get a good job… when i was 8 years old i was told to do my homework to get into a good college to get a good job… etc… so i did. my peers decided that homework was not for them… complained about not getting into the colleges of their choice/ complained about not getting into college/ complained about not making any money/ complained about still living at home with parents cause they make no money… i went to college, got the job… simply listened to the teacher

where i am going with this:

this extends into many facets of my life and the life of people i know… when i am approached by someone with a problem, seems like what they are looking for is someone to tell them “its okay”… i wish i could tell that to them. i wish i could relate. but i cant… all i can think is… “you had everything you needed and threw it away!”

where i am really going with this:

it is my desire to be an understanding person. it is my desire to relate to people on a similar level. it is my desire to have people come to me with similar problems. i look at myself and think that i have made 23 years of generally good choices, yet its these same good choices that are preventing me from getting what i really want. to understand others… to be accepted. i want someone to come to me with a problem that i get and can relate to… i want someone to say "here’s my problem (that happens to be a problem that i deem unavoidable)… so i can say “its okay”… “i understand, thats a real problem, i’m here for you” and mean it. when people come to me… i try to show concern, but its not genuine. it separates me from my fellow man.

where this leads:

i feel like my regular and good choices are somehow the cause of me not getting what i want. if i could only make bad choices… if i could only have picked up smoking, and not done my homework, then i could be in a situation that people understand. people would come to me with their issues and i’d be genuine with my response of “how could you have known? you have a legitimate problem, and i understand, i’m here for you”

i feel like that i need to make bad decisions to belong… it leads me to believe that perhaps self-harming behavior is somehow self helping??? maybe i should go waste a few years living on the streets because i took up a drug addiction… maybe the years of struggle that i am faced with will help me relate to people… maybe i need to INTENTIONALLY MESS UP IN MY OWN EYES, BECAUSE TO DO SO MIGHT GET WHAT I WANT… because doing as i’m told, or what im convinced is the proper path one should take over his lifetime (as ive been doing), seems to be putting me further away from what i want

the current path leads to certainty, getting what other people only can dream of, yet i’m unhappy… the other might lead to happiness

… thats about all i can do to articulate my argument…

i try to attack myself with my own arguments… and when i do this… the question becomes “what have i been told that i ignored…” … if someone could point that out i’d be greatful… but perhaps just as important… where do i go from here… which path do i pick? either way, when i’m an old man and complaining about how unhappy i am, or when i’m complaining about all the shit i threw away to someone else … i have a good idea of what the outcomes are now!.. my struggle will fall on deaf ears!.. furthermore… perhaps this is falling on deaf ears… i should’ve known when i was 7 that i was supposed to mess up on purpose???

what am i missing???

does anyone else feel this way?

honesty is appreciated

2

Your examples are predicated on a volitional construct, lending some ambiguousness to the sympathy scheme. Intentional?

What is your motive behind this quest for sympathy? I mean, are other people calling you a douchebag, or do you perceive yourself as one?

Again, predicated on your examples, your conclusions border on the comical.

Choose to care, or don’t.

3

I feel completely the opposite way, probably because I don’t believe in choice or responsibility. Consequently talk of people deserving anything (be it good or bad) doesn’t have much significance or meaning to me. If someone I care about is suffering, I don’t use the argument that they deserved it to preclude feelings of sympathy. I think at bottom that’s what’s going on with you.

But probably not. You may just be a sociopath or have some low degree aspergers.

4

While methodically executed, the concept in Incorrect’s whole construct seemed somewhat convoluted. I wish I had more time to get into the rationalization involved… oh well.

5

while rereading this i am finding increasing amounts of ambiguity… i’m not trying to be ambiguous

no one is calling me a douchebag, im beginning to perceive myself as one, although no one explicitly states this… what people do say (historically, from my perspective), is that i do all the right things

i generally do what i’m told, particularly when i can see the benefit it will give me… what else can i do? (what else should i do?)

my motive behind this is unclear in all honesty… my first instinct is to say its a selfish one (as most of my motives are)… but i take a step back and think… what i want is to be selfless… the desire to be selfless is my selfish motive??

i guess i just figured i wanted to share this thought process/feeling i have, albeit poorly articulated/convoluted, and share it with people, hoping that either i’m not alone… or that someone can/will help me

6

well, i can choose from two ends of the spectrum… perhaps i made good choices, or perhaps i got really really really really really really lucky all the time except this one case… the first one seemed more… likely? probably the wrong word

i dont think i’m using the the argument that they deserved it to preclude the feelings of sympathy… its more like… i dont instinctively have feelings of sympathy and use this argument as a reason why

i don’t think i’m a sociopath… if i see someone crying, i’ll try to help

perhaps i dont know how to communicate without complaining

i guess that still makes me a mamas boy… time to go do what i’m told some more

7

What does the word ‘selfish’ mean to you?

How does it make you a mamas boy, and what significance do you place on doing what you’re told?

8

It’s not one or the other. Perhaps your choices were not altogether yours, or even a little bit yours. Perhaps they’re the effect of things going on around you, so that maybe you should give credit not to your choices, but to the things that shaped your choices. And it wasn’t you. You didn’t shape your choices. Okay maybe it was you, but we need to talk about what you is and what you isn’t, because it’s complicated. Hear me out.

You didn’t choose to have the brain you do, and the choice you made was an effect of your brain. Your brain synapsed a certain way (or w/e goes on in there) and you experienced it as an idea popping into your head. Your brain synapsed another way, and you experienced it as a resolution to act some way instead of some other way, i.e., you chose something. Your choice 8 years ago which eventually led you on this path might have been caused by something as dumb as eating captn. crunch that morning. That substance you ingested was digested and permeated throughout your body, culminating in your brain reacting in a way which produced that kick ass choice. Had you had coco-puffs, your brain might have reacted a different way and you’d be in a different position now.

So what caused you to be in the good position you’re in today? Was it you? Was it your good choices? It was Captn Crunch, of course. But really it could be anything, and probably a little bit of everything. Some supernovae a hundred million years ago had something to do with your good choice. Had your cousins eaten Captn. Crunch the morning they made what you call a bad choice, their brains might have acted a different way, and had they been conceived in a certain location on the earth in a certain relation to the miniscule effect that supernovae had on this earth they might have been fucking geniuses, maybe. Who really knows how gamma radiation affects humans? Stan Lee, that’s who.

Your brain is not isolated from the “outside” world. It is constantly being affected by it, and if you’ll grant me that “you” by which I mean the seemingly ethereal thinking-singing-sad-or-happy “I” is merely a part of the brain or if not then just one of it’s effects, then you’ll see there is no clear distinction between you and everything else, and consequently that you have as much responsibility for what you do as for what is done to you, namely zero. Or pick some other value. It doesn’t matter. The point is your number is not greater than Capt. Crunch’s.

9

As far as I can fathom you’re worried that your seeming inabillity to fuck up has rendered you unable to empathize with the huge mass of people who did…?

Simple answer, Who cares…? Move to somewhere with a higher population of non-fuck-up people, and kick back.

Face palm. #-o

10

Man, the grass is always f’ing greener, isn’t it?

11

So what is it you want? Just do that. There is nothing wrong with playing the system as long as you know that is what you’re doing. As for the lack of empathy, it isn’t caused by gaming the system. It might be that if you stop looking for reasons to excuse your lack of empathy, that empathy will come to you at some point. Or not.

12

I listened and obeyed through elementary school… But daily I tried to come up with ways to get out of having to go to school… This was my Age 7 experience… By middle school I was starting to wonder for myself what was so bad about drugs, sex, and rock 'n roll… So I indulged. Still held down good grades even though I was flying in the face of my superiors and parental guidance… By high school I had stopped doing homework in favor of smoking pot with my friends… I still retained enough of the information from class to get passing grades, and when truly captivated by the subject matter, I was able to get near perfect scores… After High School I went to college, for a semester. Dropped out. Realized that school was not needed… So as I wandered from job to job, not making much money, but gaining a vast wealth of information from the school of life… Don’t give rides to people who are standing on the corner while you are in big cities, one great lesson. #-o Eventually after years of smoking cigarettes, weed, drinking, ingesting mushrooms and LSD, even a couple weekends of heavy use of cocaine and meth, ALL while holding down various jobs and sustaining a satisfactory lifestyle for myself, I found myself in a job I could make good money at… I was 24 and had not been to college for more than three months. Yet I still was making decent money for my age, had a great girlfriend, and a nice place to live… So if I’m having a bad day and one of my complaints is that my all natural cigarettes have become too pricey, but I just can’t seem to quit… Are you going to scoff at me and tell me that I should have listened when I was a rebellious kid in elementary school? Or will you be able to look past all of my “fuck-ups” and see that I am just another person trying to find their way in the world and show a bit of compassion? After all, I have a good job and I’m now making good money, Have a wonderful partner with whom I share my life with, a house, a kick ass dog, and all without schooling, without refraining from all of the drugs and negative tendencies they warned you about in school. Does the fact that I have achieved MATERIAL bliss make me worthy of your compassion?

Fuck it I don’t care… Cause you are a self proclaimed douche bag. :laughing: I’m just kidding, but one could easily share that view…

Essentially, I think you will, sometime soon, start to realize all of the shit you hear as a kid and through your schooling were decent guidelines to live by… but not the end all to be all. Once you start living a life without the rhetoric and propaganda of school, you might start to realize that there is a life that happens behind people’s eyes, and you may be lucky enough to realize that this unseen life is much more similar to yours… Take some time to talk to a homeless person when you get the chance… I think you could learn something from a few “degenerates”. Compassion will follow when you realize what really makes life worthwhile and where the TRUE struggles in life occur.

13

Incorrect, it almost sounds like you feel guilty for your successes. And judging from the examples you provide in the OP, I didn’t see any conclusive evidence that you have no empathy. What I got from it was that you don’t feel sorry for people who made poor choices, and are now complaining about it. And I sure wouldn’t fault you for that.

Churro slams you for disparaging those who don’t excel in school. But that’s not what your examples show; you referred to those who willingly blew off school, and then bitched because they couldn’t get into the colleges they wanted. And now they were stuck living with mom and dad. I didn’t see you getting down on those who had problems with a traditional education; I haven’t heard you say that you wouldn’t have any sympathy for someone living with mom and dad because their house burned down, or because they lost their job due to the poor economy.

Maybe you’re being a little too hard on yourself? You don’t have to feel bad because you made good choices and are now doing well. Part of that is indeed luck, but part of it is also that you had the self-discipline and work ethic to do what you needed to, to get where you are.

If you can’t summon up some empathy for someone who, due to no fault of his own, is in bad circumstances, then you might want to give it deeper thought. But otherwise, you might be overthinking things.

14

Yes, I use to feel that way…my whole life really…

'til my teen years when I became a wild child :]

Wacky ideas can do it to anyone…

I don’t think people are exposed to enough to ‘step outside the box’ as it were. When they’re happy in their nooks getting the education they’re told to just to get by and ignoring or looking down on others or other ways of life they end up pretty dull and unadventurous :slight_smile:

I had this friend who was mr. perfect frat boy who moved to san fransisco for integral studies. He seemed beyond normal…like so stiff, so cut, so average…you would never think he did anything but drink with his friends on the weekends and get laid and during the week play xbox, talk about descarte, and get high. He was goofy, likable, attractive, smart.

A year and some later he got into Terence Mckenna, and started tripping on acid. He was always silly so when he started cross dressing just to put on a show no one was concerned…he was the life of the halloween get together.

But he got really serious about it…and now considers himself transsexual. He speaks in tongues and calls himself a shaman. He’s also a digital artist…and trying to get a role in the new Batman movie…

I mean he went absolutely berserk compared to the guy he was in '08…

But you know…I told him up front, I said, I use to really disrespect you. I thought you were just a stuck up frat kid who always did what he was told, and hated himself and his life, and felt doomed to become what his family wanted or society or whatever and now you’re like a hero to me.

He’s come close to being kicked out on the streets, rejected by friends, and his family, and pushing hard to try to fully transform.

He calls himself a shaman shapeshifter…

He’s an actor, yet he is every role, and so isn’t really an actor at all.

15

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7iQbBbMAFE[/youtube]

16

What is dis post your fav jams?

Okkaaaay? [the ghetto agreement kind like ‘you feel me?’]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIafqErL3TM[/youtube]

17

Okay, incorrect, why do you think Echo made a video response?

18

it’s tough to care for others when they are competing with you. The movies show friends setting each other with jobs and girlfriends. This is hardly the case in real life. Most people these days are sympathetic towards the areas of life that are most distant from them.

This sounds negative, so I will suggest that you love yourself alone. Don’t enter into social games. Numb is better than your poker buddies taking your money. They secretly like when you fail. Keep it simple by not doing yourself in.

19

i (can) agree with your point (final statement)

lets pick 1% responsibility for me

capn crunch has 99%

its easier for me to blame capn crunch

so, i’ll eat some capn crunch…as would make sense in this situation (like i’ve always done)…

and now its all on me

the remaining responsibility is MINE

the goal here (a moving target i might add) is to understand my feelings, my behavior, so that i can make a change to get what i want, or understand why i dont really want it, or die trying etc…

i’ll consider this an active attempt at change… which is a very difficult task for me in all honesty, at any level

rather than being the person who looks for reasons why he cant do something… i try… at least… to look for ways that i can! thats what this thread is for

20

i dont mean to twist your reply too much, but your answer is a question… .“who cares?”

thats kinda my question

i care about myself (i think)… i want to care about others (most of the time i dont, others seem to think i dont, i want to care but its almost as if the problems are not legitimate because they aren’t a problem for me because i instantly knew the solution before it was a problem… meh back to the selfish issue… too long of a statement for a parenthesis lol). others appear to care about others, and others may or may not care about me.