Must we do it…? Yes. Yes we must. Australia.
Right. Ok. Here we go. This is probably the worst film I have ever seen. Probably. This film begins with a drover and the death of “the white man”. Two people meet over the adoption of a kid and the film ends in the midst of WWII. The kid shouldn’t have been chosen for the roll. Terrible actor and every sentence he speaks makes me want to strangle him …with all his stupid broken English. He thinks he can perform magic but just looks like an idiot. The typical Indian is a madman in the mountains who always seems to “mystically” overlook the travelers in their ridiculous journey to…nowhere. He sings to himself while standing very uncomfortably on one leg, looking somewhat like a badly designed signpost…yes a signpost to fucking nowhere.
Fletcher is the most typically “BAD” character in the film. Word has it that Disney came along to write the role of this character: “right, what we need here is a character with no other level or motive other than…yes PURE EVIL…do you think you guys can handle it???”… well they did a REAL good job! What a complete waste of space.
Wolverine can’t stop saying CRIKEY! Will you PLEASE shut the hell up…JESUS! IT’S NOT FUNNY! Plus…there is the huge let down that he is in fact NOT…Wolverine. So we have a drover who has no real traits apart from his role in other films.
The story is half written with a half-arsed effort and the film tries to end about 14 times but the writers suddenly realise “oh shit, what about this part of the film…will we bother tying up that loose end? fuck it, we better…how many hours do we have left before dinner? Sure Johnny, you can throw an end together for that one and Danny, you can close the end to the other there, yea?”
The only part of the film that actually interested me was when we are lead to believe that Kidman and that stupid annoying kid die in the bombings…so then Wolverine is going to kick some ass…but no. Yeah, that’s right - the writers actually decided to pull the oldest trick out of the hat and allow for a huge happy ending where the good win and the bad loose. ABSOLUTELY NO DEPTH OR ANYTHING.
If I had my way, they should have all died in the war and the film should have just ended with a black screen without credits to save some respect (if any) for the soulless writers, God bless them.
Oh I forgot to mention…the fucking “somewhere over the rainbow” theme…oh for fuck sake. I was hoping that every time the mouthorgan was played, Y2K would suddenly kick in and the organ would turn around and swallow the player and hopefully the entire film.
Fucking awful.
=D>