Bad parenting

Philosophy Forums Religion and Spirituality
1

I’ve read threads on here before about how people should not teach religion to their kids, that children should be able to make up their minds for themselves, about what they believe. And that ultimately the atheist view point is best for parenting because it does not “make up” things that cant be proved. But does this view actually damage children’s minds. I’ve was looking up some articles on fear of death because my nephew is having some issues coming to grips with it and found this quite chilling story on Netdoctor.co.uk. (so nothing to do with religious propaganda) It talks of a girl who has quite literally let her fear rule her for her whole life up to date. This bit caught my eye

"My family aren’t religous at all. Once, when I was

little, I woke up crying and saying that I didn’t

want to die. I feel that if at that stage, for instance,

my Mum had been able to tell me about heaven, I might

have overcome it, but she just told me to go back to

sleep. Sometimes I wish that my family were religous so

that I’d have grown up believing in God and heaven

and an afterlife and wouldn’t be so frightened."

I think that this is also what my nephew is going through as he does not believe in God. I’m not here to say that everyone should convert to theism or that religion always leads to a Childs happiness, but trying to create an awareness that that safe feeling of thinking that everything will always be alright is essential for a Childs stability later in life.
Is it preferable that a child should know a so called “hard truth” (which lets be honest is not a truth but a speculation anyway) and live a life of depression or have hope, hope that if wrong would not affect them anyway? Again I’m not saying that we should all be religious or even teach our kids religion. But perhaps, to think about how important your own Childs health and happiness is, and to not go the other way and indoctrinate them into atheism as so many of you have been and has obviously made alot of you so angry at religion.

I won’t be checking back because I know the replies already. I don’t intend this to be a debate, but a message. I don’t want to preach, I really don’t. I’m not religious myself, though I am a Theist. I don’t know what happens after death and will freely admit it. I just can’t stand to see kids hurt. And again I know that religion is not always good for kids either, depending on the message. I do think that hope is important though, and if you don’t want to teach kids about religious hope, have a well thought out plan of how to give your kids hope about death in other ways.

Help to keep young minds open to possibility and hope and safe from harm.

Peace

2

We did not raise our son to believe in gods, we did raise our son in a way that we listened when he spoke and we taught him to find answers for his own peace. His education that he provided forhimself gives him hope and not fear. children should be allowed to educate their minds on their own when it comes to such things.

3

I don’t know about that. While I do think that religious belief can confer certain advantages, an acceptance of death isn’t one that I’d normally include. While the old adage tells us that there are “no atheists in the foxholes”, it is equally true that there are “no true believers at a funeral.” Both the fear of death and the sorrow of loss are factors that are bound to be present in all humans – that some are more neurotic about it than others shouldn’t really be too much of a surprise. In the case of the girl described, I see a child looking to blame their neuroses on their parents as opposed to properly confronting them. It is a common enough occurrence, and one that I can very much understand and empathize with, even if I do find it deeply distasteful. I was raised being told that any speculation on the afterlife was “rubbish”, mythology handed down to us from less enlightened times. Yet I don’t have any hang-ups about death, indeed, I’ve taken some rather crazy risks with respect to that area. I’m young though. As I get closer to my time, I will probably become more concerned with the topic, that is just being human. But you don’t seem as concerned with the fear of death that naturally comes during the life’s autumn period, so we’ll leave that off the table for now.

4

Personal opinion:

Religion should not be watered down to a pillow for life.
If you wish to teach your child religion, then it should be done so for a moral integrity that is believed in, and that fact should be known as perspective to the child.

For instance, both of my children will most likely have, at least, early development in LDS because of moral integrity agreement by my Wife and I, however, they will be taught other perspectives and why we, my Wife and I, chose to attend LDS instead of other options.

Most conflicts that truly screw people up in growth, in regards to religion, is the presented on/off switch that comes with it.

Either a given Religion is true or false.
If true, then confined; if false, then why believe?
Else; If false, freedom; if true, then unknown.
Else; If false, unknown; if true, then unknown.

Most common, in western culture, folks are taught to believe religion or not to believe religion.
This, more often than not, arrives at: God or Atheism. (presenting, commonly, only the Christian God)

It is not the norm to approach both concepts, and indeed all areas in between, as truly free for personal agency.

By the present common approach, a person must wrestle with a truly insane amount of problems, especially if you are in America.
You aren’t free to simply be religious; being religious (most commonly Christian) subscribes to being ridiculed and thought less of in many academic circles. Of which, a person will spend a considerable amount of their early adult life.

You aren’t free to simply be anti-religious either; being anti-religious (most commonly anti-Christian) subscribes to being constantly debated, denounced, accused, and also possibly ridiculed in many social circles. Of which, a person will also spend a considerable amount of their early adult life.

So both avenues cause conflict and increase the ego harm.

It’s actually a fallacy, if one thinks about it under the realm of logic.
Either A or B, which is it?

Well…what about C?

Exactly; what about C? Why not simply teach your children to not be afraid of either and to hold no creed as sacred; only their belief, and that it’s perfectly acceptable to change religions in their life as they see fit to do.

You see, there is a common misconception among parents when it comes to religion; that it is within their control and equally imperative to convince the child to follow the parents belief.

In all reality, it simply is not imperative, but it is the role of a Parent to introduce a child to religion as a topic and aspect of life.
It is the responsibility of the parent to help a child understand religions as best as the parent is capable of doing objectively.

It is just as imperative as sexual education.

In the following statement, the term “religious education” refers to the concept of teach what religions are, why people believe in them, and also includes the counter to religions, atheism.

Not having religious education and believing in a religion is like not having sexual education and having rampant sex unprotected.
Not having religious education and not believing in a religion is like being abstinent as a means of protection against STD’s. (in this case, RTD’s, or Religiously Transmitted Diseases.)

The reason that I say that it is the role of the Parent is because the public is simply not mature enough to handle this conversation openly and at large.
For instance, considering what happened (and still happens) as a result of Sexual Education in schools, Religious Education would be considerably more explosive and therefore damaging.

Also, teaching a religion specifically is the only answer is quite like stating that if you are in a marriage that is abusive and simply not working at all, then stick with it.

It’s insanity. Why would anyone, without preset personality complications, choose to confine themselves to something which causes pain?

5

The answer to what?

6

I think imprinting religious fake info is like raping babies.

And good parenting skill should include a practical method to face any “negatives”, such as physical pain and suffering, emotional anxiety and fear (and anger, hate, etc), and logical (or mental) question and uneasiness.

They are like little (or big) dogs. If we run, they’d chase us.
If we stay and face/embrace them, they’d become familiar and not so bothering (and then disappear or change). They will pass.
Also, it’s much easier to face them when we are breathing and relaxed.

Non-religious parents can teach the basics of “scare” tactics often used by religions, so that kid can stay cool with religious bullshit.
Further on, we can teach basic techniques used by demagogues and con man. Internet forum like this is an excellent place to observe intentional and/or pathological display of these tricks.
Later on, when kids are old enough, they can participate and practice their skill in psychological self defense, as well as learning own tendency for violence/arrogance/fallacies/etc.

Being honest to desires (according to own list of priority) and not accepting fake or substitute is important, too, I think.

And another one of important element in parenting is to guide kids toward independence. Physical (material) independence, emotional independence, and mental (logical) independence.

BUT, we can’t teach these unless we know them by ourselves, first, and well enough to coach.
Since most of us aren’t well trained in these, it’s normal to see our kids having problems, and then, their kids having problems, in turn.
It’s been like this for long long time, and I guess it will still continue.

So, the actual situation isn’t rosy, at all.
And this is another material kids may need to learn to cope with. :slight_smile:

7

Do you choose religion or not?

That question.

8

???
“teaching a religion specifically is the only answer to ‘do you choose religion or not?’”

9

Shoot, I have to agree with you. Most parents teach their kids about Santa and then leave it for them to figure out that there is no fat man in red that slides down their chimney. Why notteach them about a happy place called, “Heaven,” and leave them to decide what they truly believe when they are older?

10

And how many parents still try to convince their kids for the rest of their lives that Santa is real, with persistent conviction? I don’t think your analogy is accurate.

Edit: If you were being humorous, disregard my post and accept this: :laughing:

11

Accepted, the edit is more along the right lines.

I wish the written word could somehow contain voice tones, I’d come off as being amusing more often.

Honestly, I have a nine-month old, and without revealing my personal religious beliefs, (or lack thereof) I have no intention of teaching him anything one way or the other. And, when he is older, if he asks me my opinion on a specific religion, or creation in general, I will inform him that I have no comment.

12

Ah…a typo on my part…try this out:
Also, teaching a religion specifically as* the only answer is quite like stating that if you are in a marriage that is abusive and simply not working at all, then stick with it.
I originally wrote “is”, which really makes that confusing.

And yes, teaching one single religion as the only right religious choice is quite literally like stating that if you are in a marriage that is abusive and simply not working at all, then stick with it.

However, teaching the concept of the desire for religion and the different religious options that people choose and why some are chosen over others, while also sharing why it is that you hold to your personal religious choice is quite a bit more stable.

If the child does not like your religion, then they can freely choose, with education, a religion that suits their perspective on life and personal needs. And if they do not want a religion, they would be fully capable of making that decision with a much more in depth understanding of just why they do not wish to have one as the decision would be based on an education of multiple religions and not one specific religion in which they reject.

If free will is a reality, then truly the worst religious crime one could impose on their children is the lack of free will in as fullest of context and aid as the parent is capable of so doing.
To represent that the child’s free will extends to your religion or no religion only when there are several religious choices would appear to be a greater discredit to any God that creates free agency and values such a choice.

13

IMHO :
You cannot teach kids something and than hope that when they get older they decide.
The religion is not what you decide about. You need to believe.
Since an adult is very unlike to believe in anything that he/she doesn’t SEE or HEAR on their own, it is very unlike that an adult, who was raised by atheists, would suddenly decide to believe in god/gods. I mean truly believe with whole heart. I know there are people who become religious, but IMHO it is only to infill their emptiness.

I was raised by mother, who was religious only because she believed it is right to be religious, and father - strong atheist. I’m strong atheist. However I’m confused. Without the religion (or any other rules) I feel lost and hopelessness (but not fear). There is nothing else to believe in than money and life becomes an every day struggle.

I’ve got 2.5 old kid. The Christmas are coming and as atheist I have no reason to celebrate it. I’m not going to do anything about Christmas and my child as well. I’m not telling him any “cock and bull”, he still didn’t ask for explanation, but as soon as he asks, i will just tell him how things are - some people believe in … and so they do this …
But, isn’t this the same as I would tell him - people believe in this bullshit… and so they are like crazy doing this … but we, my kid, we don’t believe and there is going to happen exactly nothing on Dec, 24?
So he’s gonna live his childhood without Santa or Jesus - every year. So then, isn’t it pretty predictable that when he grows up, he’s not going to become believer??

Solving kid’s hard issue (like in rhinoboy’s example) by telling him something I don’t believe, I suppose as a LIE. And not a white lie, but the blackest lie as for its importance.

14

Doubtful.

There’s equal probability that he will find that he distastes the absence of belief and seeks it out on his own, just as atheists come from believing families.

If everyone stayed what they were raised and raising was all that determined belief, then no one would every change their belief’s, and people do.

I mild suggestion if I may; still hold Christmas, but explain it as you normally would and decide that in your house hold it is a celebration of love in the family.

I think holding off this holiday that teaches warmth and compassion to others and brings the unity of the family into the spot light is potentially depressive when your child will be forced to share school with other children that enjoy the holiday.