Inhibited
with an icy heart,
Cold clear blood
drowned my logic.
Desires, commands
and poetical nonsense tumbled hard
out of my body.
These unexpected- now exploited-
ponderings
lay hurt and raped
by the insincerity of listening ears.
But I perpetuate the violence against my thoughts.
Revealing
and distoring
and manipulating
words,
my audience sits paralyzed
in its self created smoky haze.
Beautiful.
This is what we do all the time here isnt it; to manipulate words and twist them according to our own aims.
Jon F
Yes, the insincerity of listening ears… Those who listen with mind but not heart. And yet, we are compelled by our own heart sincerity to do it again, and again…
JT
I don’t see how a paralyzed entity can also be accused of something as active as rape. The contention comes off as paranoid and delusional. Here’s a shortened version. I drank. I shared feelings. No one cared. It’s my fault. We are all ghoulish and blind. Let’s meditate on that shall we? Make it monumental?
No thanks. I do agree that many of your poems are beautiful, the candlelight you scribble your poems by flickers so low and dark as if it’s one frozen strand quantoid photon, both here and not here. This is both the power and weakness in your work, because we never witness the depletion of anything big in terms of hope or happiness. You’re always zeroed out.
Gamer…yes, your summary is quite accurate. However, it was not necessarily that no one cared but I don’t think they fully understood what I was saying.
Why must one be happy? How is an emotional stagnated or depressed person any less creative or powerful than a happy person?
Thank you for that – my sentiments exactly. Happiness is terribly over-rated.
Don’t misunderstand. I said we never witness the DEPLETION of happiness. I believe to convey sorrow or emptiness more profoundly you need to sometimes show species of happiness, and their demise. But this is just a suggestion. Maybe something to explore.
I appreciate your suggestion. I love my poems and rejecting or “depleting” happiness. But I realize I have not been able to reject any emotional high because I have not had one in a while.
Perhaps I am depressed. In any matter, I may not openly seek help at my school because of the possible negative job implications that may follow any open recognition of my possible depression. So do you or anyone else have any suggestions for purchasing anti-depressant (non-addictive) vitamins, herbs, or supplements without a prescription? Oh, and if there has been a rant or mundane babble post on this request/topic, I apologize for this and please refer me to the other posts. Thanks.
I think you should see a therapist, maybe a psychiatrist. Insurance covers that. Someone you can talk to in a Jungian sense, you’d be great at that, a field day. Maybe they’ll give you some Paxil. That’s the best bet. If not, I suppose you could go for the St. Johns Wort, but it’s risky and not clinically proven. Herbs are just placebos, but they might work if you believe in them. Excercise is a sure bet to reduce depression, the question is, how can you get your heart rate up for at least 30 minutes and have fun doing it? Everybodies different. Some people can stomach running, others just crank up the records and dance in front of the mirror like a psycho. I’ve done both. Also, talk about your feelings, feel heard as possible, which is what your poem touches on. But when you feel heard it helps. And give yourself little treats, breaks. Have some candy. See a movie. Take drugs. Jerk off to lesbian porn. Whatever it is, doesn’t matter. You are your own hostess in life. Being a good hostess takes practice. I find the best thing to do to the unrelenting darkness is to laugh at it with maniacal eyes. This really pisses the darkness off.