Most people are disgusted by my embracing of anarchism, nihilism, pessimism, and cynicism however it is interesting to note that I wasn’t always an anarchist or nihilist. I want to create this thread as a sort of personal biography of mine as an individual to show my own past development into what I am today in sharing my own philosophical journey. I didn’t become this way overnight but instead it has been a journey existentially that has brought me to where I am today.
This thread is a sort of historical shared life experience of mine for public consumption. A sort of historical past intellectual diary unto the present.
The year was 1999 and like any United States American family I was brought up in a religious family household. My household however was not normal at the age of twelve as it was just me along with my adopted father. My adopted father was an Italian American and a southern baptist. We attended a baptist church every Sunday. Growing up we use to pray before every meal, attend Bible study on every Saturday, and every night we routinely prayed to god before going to sleep.
This was typical of any kind of traditional southern Americana upbringing.
In my youth I attended church choir as well. Before I read, study, or wrote anything in my youth religion was everything and was center in my daily life. Back then as a young boy I could not imagine a world beyond god or religion.
It was religion that first caused me to mentally reflect upon this world and it was from there my journey began in understanding the totality of existence.
The year was 2003 where it was the cultural period of revival concerning sex, drugs, and rock n roll. It was a time of rebellion at the age of fifteen questioning traditional values, culture, norms, and society for me. I began to heavily question my religious upbringing and what I was told at a very young age. By this age I already became a petty drug dealer and was known all throughout the city where I grew up as a youthful bastard along with being an overall trouble maker. Those days I became a drug addict where I make no secret of such where I did all drugs under the sun. There wasn’t a street drug at the time that I didn’t try. I suppose at the time reflecting on it we youth were tired and weary of our conservative religious social upbringing we were brought into where we found the post modern American landscape we grew up in suffocating along with being boring. We saw American life as existential cultural suicide going through the mundane dreary tedious monotony of it all. So much emphasis on obligation, duty, careerism, money, politics, culture, and the future some of us broke away from all of that for the life of partying, drugs, sex, or rebellion. We were young Dionysian hedonists back then along with being rebels without a cause reacting to something at the time that many of us including myself didn’t fully understand in our youth. I along with many was the last wave of the American generation X. At this time the world was all new to me and I began reading all sorts of things. It was the beginning emergence of my intellectual curiosity of the world around me.
At this time I was rebelling against my western Judeo-Christian upbringing experimenting with Buddhism, Neo-Paganism, and the occult. My father tried to get the local pastor to confront me about it and I of course rejected each religious intervention at every turn. Indeed, at the time I was consumed by various schools of spiritual mysticism. At the time I still believed in god but for me it wasn’t no Jesus or Jehovah but instead was something reminiscent of pantheism.
I first began studying mythology, world history, and world religions at this point. I was so much into these things that the young Joker at the time dreamt of one day becoming an anthropologist or archeologist.
I wanted to be a magician at age 5, wanted to get cut in half on stage at age 6, lesbian at age eight, wanted to cut off my dick and balls at age 10.
So I joined the United States Air Force because I liked the whole scene as an artform.
Then I quit the airforce once I realized that I was just fighting for oil. I also quit because the girl I was crushing on didn’t pay enough attention to me. At that time I became a vegetarian (the same guy who told me that we were dropping bombs for oil was the same guy who introduced me to vegetarianism.)
I always wanted the job of the guy who drives the portable stair ramp up to the planes. He got to wear a uniform, tell the ladies he was in the military… ask what he does… hey, it’s a fucking legit job.
I lived on Beale Airforce base as a kid. Came early on to believe most guys in the Air force were a bunch of fags. I wasn’t convinced otherwise after becoming a army paratrooper years later, seeing the air force base next door (we need their aircraft to jump) was full of faggots. Cant say with certainty any were homosexuals, but they were all certainly a bunch of faggots.
If I could do it all over again, I would of gotten this job, and just sat in it for 20 years, playing that song from Top Gun “Danger Zone” while driving it around. Would of been shameless in it. I would wear my uniform all fucked up and walk up to SF Guys with a stupid look on my face saying “I’m a soldier too!”
Easy to say, not easy to do.
Try pulling 9-10’s gs without blacking out.
It’s like a demented carnival ride gone sour.
Word to the wise, most carnival rides are not more than 3 g’s.
Then tell me how pilots are queer for not getting their boots dirty.
Got into mathematics and programming, cracked the code to free energy as well…
I was also molested at school, as well as expelled for reasons I am afraid I can’t mention.
Curious, from a scientific study, is it true that some drugs cause you to leave your body, as well as death of ego and experience all consciousness as once? Have you received any profound spiritual or philosophical experiences while on drugs?
My pet peeve is that people do drugs, say they leave their body, then give no scientific evidence.
You are just the man to do this. I know that you are a man of science and evidence, and are just the man to give the low-down of the jig, are out of body experiences real or fake and if not, can you do the experiment please? (the playing card experiment.)
Did you ever do 10Gs? As a programmer? I’m fairly certain I’ve experienced worst than you with dickish helicopter pilots flying up and down over Iskandariya to avoid missiles on returning from having a root canal. Or parachutes opening, tugging full force on my nuts with a poorly situated H Harness. How did your programmer time get you into a aircraft doing heavy Gs?
Pilots aren’t gay even if the suck dick, but 99% of the air force isn’t pilots… and they all suck dick by default.
There is increasing scientific evidence for the experience of out of body experiences, you can experience it for example through that “God Helmet”. Shitty name for the helmet though, you don’t experience God in it… but many atheist skeptics have stated they experienced that state in it. I’m not quite well read enough on it to say why, guess it skews the body’s awareness of itself with the sensory deposition presumed around the body… both are projections expected to line up… it is easy to skew they synchronicity though, such as with strobe light flashes coupled with movement… you always are aware of your body, but not of surroundings or where people are when flashes are occurring and stuff is irradic in movement.
