Being pessimistic - now wat??

Philosophy Forums Philosophy
1

Being pessimistic - now wat??
hi guyz… i m sure thr r many intelligent philosophers here in this community… i need some help… need ur advices… here’s a scene :
Thr’s a guy, he is 100% pessimistic… the biggest fear in his life is fear of failure… before he starts anythin he starts fearin failure… “what if i dont succeed?”, “what is other ppl r better than me and i will fail?” etc etc…
Now this guy has the potential to achieve success but his pessimistic attitude is a big prob and he lives his life in tension until the work he has taken up is complete… and this way he dosent enjoy much part of what he does…

Now the question - If u were a good friend of this guy, wat would u do to get his confidence back… u kno he is capable but his pessimism is an obstacle… how would u help him productively?? And i dont mean that u give him lectures on being optimistic… wat can u do for him??

Need ur suggestions and actions!!

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If I were a good friend I’d quickly realize that nothing I could do would get HIS confidence back. He’d have to decide that that is something in which he is interested.

Now, I might say some fine day if asked, “Yeah, well, I think what hurts you is your pessimism,” but otherwise I’d let him do his own thing.

3

LoL

Well Pessimism is excellent tool to have - keeps you from getting hurt, ie if i jump of this cliff i will DIE - PESSIMISTIC

as opposed to

If i jump off this cliff, i could live, and theres a sliiiight chance I’ll only break half the bones in my body, but ill still be ALIVE!! - OPTIMISTIC (crazily)

now the balance is to find what works for you really

Tell him, “if he continues to focus on what failures he may come across, then how will he ever know what success is if he will NEVER gives himself this chance to open up to and focus on it?”

The man may be familiar with pessimistic or negative thinking. How much has that done for him in his life? Has that taken him to where he wants to go?

Sounds like this dude needs a reality check. If you want to get ANYWHERE, you MUST have a balance of both viewpoints.

If i were to be negative and sit home and say, ‘THERES NO POINT’ then you are right, there is no point. If i were to be totally optimistic and say ‘EVERYTHING IS OK!! IM FINE!!’ then you’re only kidding yourself.

This guy suffers fear of failure?

Perhaps the first question would be to ask him ‘why?’

Why does he fear failure? There’s nothing wrong with it, funnily enough! LoL i don’t think its got gnashing teeth and a sharp sword or anything. Its JUST failure!

For all you know, I could fail in helping this person.

I’ve stuck my neck out for TEN whole minutes of my own life helping someone i don’t even KNOW.

And for what? I could ask myself. GET REAL. I could say to myself, “This guys not gonna listen to your shit! Don’t bother!”

And then, I could have failed in my objective.

But you know what?

Would you really care, dude, if i failed?

I’m willing to gamble, “Not really”.

And you know what?

Neither do I (For now at least)

That’s just my advice.

Get a balance of views, both optimistic (to drive you forward) and negative (to regulate your ambitions, to keep things realistic for you) and to not fear failure. Think of it more as ‘a learning experience’.

I definitely learnt about how much i can blab on while writing this, LmAo :laughing:

4

I don’t really want to be roughshodding on what you mean by “pessimistic” but isn’t more like being procrastinating?

I mean,sure,this individual exert alot of doubt of himself and defer of any action based on paralyzing insecurities.I say that pessimisim is more of an out-worldly disposition,this is indeed,if i am right,that this is an inner-worldly disposition. :slight_smile:

5

tell him to use proper english (sans capitalization of course)

-Imp

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wat u said abt strikin a balance between pessimism and optimism is perfectly right… but wat abt the fear of failure… now thats somehting thats totally in the mind… how can u get into a person’s mind… some motivational thoughts and stories mite work… but for how long… this dude… is too depressed… i think only success can help him bring back his confidence… or maybe i think the person suffers from lack of security… the last thing i can do is be his security… like i will be alwayz thr for him… but will it totally help??? the only +ve fact is that the person is capable of achievein success… that i kno very well…

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You know what I said before about focusing? If you say to yourself “I CANT DO IT” over and over and over and over and over again, do you think that you will EVER BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN DO IT?

Yes you will.

Its all in the mind. Thats the thing.

You’re not telling me hes scared of his own mind, are you? Because thats what it sounds like.

Hes scared that his definition of things, will turn out to be right. That that girl wont say yes to him going out with her. That his boss wont give him a raise.

So what, hes presupposing the worst in his evaluation of things?

What about presupposing the best?

Ok heres a great tool to use, if he won’t do something, ask him “Whats the worst that could happen?”

If you think its sooo stupid the answer he comes up with, say “why is that so bad?”

Don’t let him get down. I’m happy to hear that you have the best intentions for him.

Humans work well on encouragement. So DO NOT encourage his depression by saying ‘its ok man, its ok, let it all out’. Thats OK to a point. But don’t let him settle in it.

Also using the word “depressed” in the wrong context, presupposes you have a medical condition. If you DO NOT THINK HE IS mentally depressed, don’t let him use that word. Words shape how we think. They hold power in them.

Try ‘recovering happy person’. It sounds GAY, but GAY works!

:laughing: :laughing:

The idea is to move in a direction he wants to go. Does he have goals?

Get out some goal books or something. THEY WORK. Set a goal. Help him get it. A small one even.

Build on that. Small steps. keep that in mind.

Small steps.

You can’t expect to change him overnight. But what needs to change is this guys expectation of himself.

He expects he will find success if what? He suddenly has success overnight and gets a million dollars?

No. Success is in the small things man.

Think small. Because one day you’ll wake up and realise, the small brushstrokes have created a large, magnificent painting.

(In allusion to life hehe :laughing: do enough small, good deeds, and it will add up to a good life generally)

OK? thats my opinion anyways, good luck

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His pessimism can be attributed to the relations between his perception of the external world and his mental state, however right now his pessimistic perception of the world is purely a reaction to his past experience.

If i was his friend i would talk to him, take him back to the time he was not so pessimistic and reason the reason for his present dilemma (if I may say if it is…)