Best punchlines

Screw the joke itself. Who has the time?

I’ll start:

  1. And so the duck said, “Put it on my bill!”

  2. So the Scotsman replied, “Those aren’t oars, those are me sisters!”

  3. Then he said, “Well I could use some help getting out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini!”

The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and
says, “good trade sir”.


shut up, brickface!!

“i understand what youre saying, stephen… i understand what youre saying… and its idiotic!” - al franken, with both fingers pointed at colbert

holy crap! a talking marble!

I got a couple,

  • So the muffin turns to the next one on the try and says ‘Getting hot in here eh?’

  • The other muffin says ‘Holy shit you can talk?!?!’

  • So the engineers come back from europe on the boat but they’re all burnt!!

  • Well I told them I followed the directions!!

Well, surprise, surprise, that’s not my finger!

He gave me a 10 inch pianist.

A frog in a blender.


See? That’s what I mean. The joke itself actually gets in the way.

Keep 'em coming folks.



No, the guide replied, revolting is our number two sport.


a dead baby in a clown costume.

that’s where the marble one came from. my first two were some of the funniest i’ve ever heard, because they came about when someone messed up the joke really bad.

I knew I shouldn’t have put my lips on that.


The dirtly ones have the most descriptive punchlines but I’m trrrryyyyyyyy to say away from them. :blush:

Twenty-one. One to hold the bulb and twenty to drink enough beer until the room starts spinning.

Because they have three and a half inch floppies.

I’m sorry Mr Satre, we’re out of cream, how about without milk?

I don’t know about the other guys, but I use the spoon.

Superman, you sure are a mean drunk!

I haven’t talked to that SOB in twenty years and I’m not gonna start now!

So they’ll like you!

Well I can’t remember the rest of the joke but your mother’s a whore.

The aristocats!!!

Oh shit, I fucked it up… :confused: :confused: :confused:

President Bush whispered back to the ambassador
“Its because “Star Trek” takes place in the future”


But ya f*ck one goat…

Not another breathalizer test!

I told you ye were f*ckin’ a penguin, lad.

You know Superman, you’re real dick when you’re drunk.

Next week its your turn in the barrel!

the red button, mr president, the RED BUTTON.