BUllying has ruined my life...

Social Forums Non-Philosophical Chat
1

I believe there is a lot of philosophy involved however.

I always had a relatively happy life, up until secondary school, where I started to get bullied.
This came to a head in Year 9, when out of nowhere the bully came up to me and punched me hard in the back of the neck.
Now I have seen a chiropractor (unsuccesfully) and am now going to another specialist who I have been referred to, who hopefully can relieve the problem, although I have been told I am probably going to have to keep the clicking/cracking in my neck.

It is this clicking/cracking which I have got ever since I got punched.
You could say that I may have got a cracking neck anyway, but I’ll never know.

Anyway, this may interest the psychology students amongst you, I hope you can help (Yes I know this is no substitute for professional help, but as I am on a long waiting list, I would appreciate help from you TSR!)…

Basically, every time my neck clicks, I get upset, thinking it shouldn’t be happening, because I didn’t deserve to get punched. This is annoying but I can live with it.
It is when I get an “extreme” case that I get upset.
Let me give you a real life example that happened recently:
Suppose I had to be on the phone for half an hour to my doctor about my neck (which I believe wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for the punch), then I missed the chance to talk to someone. (I heard them outside while I was on the phone, but when I had finished they were gone).

I then worried about this when I heard them the next day outside my room. By this I mean I hesitated and thought whether I should just burst out and talk to them or not, as we haven’t really spoken before.
It would undoubtedly have helped my confidence if we had spoken the night before, but of course I was on the phone because of my neck.

I now think of many things that “would have” happened had we spoken, but that haven’t happened.

You must be thinking: just talk to them now. Well thats the problem: I don’t think this is “the right time” and am worried that if anything goes wrong in the conversation its getting too late to call friends for support on this.

It is this chain of thought: If I never got punched, I wouldn’t have been on the phone then, we would have chatted yesterday, we could then have chatted more today, we would be on our way to becoming great friends.

that annoys me, because that is not true.
I could try and make friends today, but if it doesn’t work I will be so upset.
Its like being normally upset at someone rejecting you I guess, but with the added damage of it being because of an old bully.

I welcome you guys to challenge my thoughts, and give me good advice.

Thanks in advance

2

Remember…Bullies dont get bullied.

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No offence - but talking to people and ‘making friends’ etc. is the last thing. You’ve got a whole heap of other things to do first.

You are a victim. It leaks from your every word like pus. First, get that straightned out, probably along with your posture. Hunched shoulders and a premature defensive stoop will also give you a dodgy neck.

Go and join a self-defence class. Karate, Krag-maga, whatever you fancy. Get in shape. Beef up or slim down depending on your body shape. Eat right. Fuck socializing for now, become the recluse - like some bug in a crysallis turning himself into an emperor butterfly. Get obsessive about something positive, rather than your fucking clicky neck.

“Hi, I’m Steve.”
“Uh - huh.”
“Yeah - my neck clicks and I get beaten up.”
“Aha. Okay. Well er, see-you around Steve.”

Take care of your self-image, this is possible. Take care of your self-confidence, this will flow naturally from the former.

After that, your lonliness and lack of a social life will cure itself.

Trust me. Been there, done it. Changed it.

4

You posted this on ILP a week or 2 ago, and i made a reply. here it is again.

Everyday on my way to work, i walk past a man with no legs who sits in the lobby of my apartment building, staring out at the street and people walking by. I’m not sure why he does this, i couldn’t imagine a more depressing thing to do, or a more extreme case of the anguish you describe.

On a regular basis for over a year he has sat in the same spot without saying a word or cracking a smile…

When we lose something, we mourn the loss. Mourning is the process of coping with a loss, and eventually coping gets easier, and the anguish becomes less and less.

If you were born with a clicky neck, do you think you would feel unhappy about it?

Every working person deals with the inconvienience of working a job and paying bills, and at first this causes many people discomfort and unhappiness. But eventually we get used to it. It is no longer seen as an inconvienience but rather as an unavoidable part of life.

Time is probably the best cure in your case, unless this is mroe of a brooding sense of resentment. if i might ask, how long ago did you recieve the injury? if it’s within the last 1-2 years i would say do not worry, if it’s within the last 3-5 years i would try and convince you that focusing on regret, especially something you could never have avoided, causes no good, only anguish.

What prompoted you to share your situation? was it a recent revelation or cause for worry about your neck? did this happen to you recently? have you been dealing with this despair for awhile on a regular basis?

Two weeks ago on my way to work i saw the man with no legs decked out in leather (driving gloves included) and a grin on his face ear to ear. He was on his way out the door, helped by a friend with a van waiting outside.

I don’t know where he was going, but i can guarentee he was happy. Having such a severe disability, anguish must be a constant in his life, but he is still able to be happy.

Even slaves can be happy. Pain and pleasure are rewards and punishments that were refined by evolution to promote successful and beneficial actions, and to prevent harmful ones. Taking that into account, if humans existed in excess pleasure or excess pain, the system would fail. If we had too much pain, the pleasure wouldn;t be worth it, and we would commit suicide. If we had too much pleasure we would stagnate; we would have no reason to push for further success. Luckily evolution gave us the ability to experience both pain and pleasure equally by allowing us to set our standards relative to our situation.

In short, if you have more pain than pleasure, then pain will become duller and pleasure will become more distinct, more valueable. And likewise, if you have more pleasure than pain, pleasure will become dull and pain will become distinct.

In your case, i believe that your mourning is the process of your brain ressetting its happineess/depression equilibrium, or whatever youw ant to call it or however you want to interpret it.

When you spoil a kid with toys, he loses appreciation for them, and he gains a sensitivity to discomfort. In your case, you will lose your sensitivity for discomfort and gain an appreciation for pleasure.

It’s more difficult to cope with pain than to lose sensitivity to pleasure. It’s like trying to rid yourself of an addiction, it will cause discomfort.

Don’t blame the bully, don’t blame yourself, and don’t blame life. All the justified blame in the world would not solvee your problem, nor woould revenge satisfy you. Its better to accept it as something you can never change, and as a part of the necessary price you pay in accepting the gift of life. You lost one gift, but rest assured you have many left to entertain you.

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Nice post, tab. Although Wonderer is right, this guy posted this a couple of weeks ago, maybe he isn’t interested in improving his situation…:unamused:

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nice try spam [bot].

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I’m going to prescribe James Allen’s “Man: King of Mind, Body, and Circumstance” which you can access here:
jamesallenlibrary.com/index. … &Itemid=73
Read parts 1-4, at least. It’s not a complicated read and it’s not at all long.
Read it over whenever you feel its effects wearing off – BUT it seems like you’re new to philosophy so it may just be a memorable read, one that’ll have a lasting impact.

By the way, you’ve been given some great advice, you’re just not listening. Or maybe you’re just too young to appreciate it?

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[size=200]This is a spam bot[/size]

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What is the purpose of this bot? I don’t get it.

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I don’t get it either.

11

4 teh lulz.

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Probably to humiliate and degrade this board by illiciting responses to such a ridiculous inquiry. In fact, I doubt if it is a bot, but rather one of the few who dislike this website. I imagine they are having a good laugh at our responses. In all liklihood, they posted up the first thread and when that died down, they posted other threads to determine who would respond to this thing twice, or to see how many more people would respond.

Which begs the question, “What is the purpose for this individual’s existence?” That I cannot answer.

13

It’s not that ridiculous of an inquiry. It was atleast well planned. If it is a farce i would be ashamed for having put so much effort into such a petty and unenjoyable “prank?”

14

That’s lame, no matter what or how many responses it gets.

It’s just a lame thing to do.

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Not necessarily well-planned. This story could have been posted or available at another website and slightly modified for the purposes of making it appear to be a philosophical/psychological question.

Do not be ashamed, though. I have read what I believe to be a good majority of your posts here and at one or two other sites, and I do not believe that your effort is ever a waste.

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I’m not ashamed :smiley: , even if it was a prank i’m glad for having made the post. And if it is a prank, his lack of a reply probably means he hasn’t yet gotten what he wants.

If you’ve read a lot of my posts then i thank you, i appreciate to know that i am of use.

And remember, don’t believe everything you read!

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You’re welcome, but there is no need to thank me. You are intellectual, deep, well-spoken and have interesting/unique viewpoints on many matters. Your arguments and discussions you have had with myself and others also indicate that you are open-minded and not afraid to question yourself.

As far as believing everything I read is concerned, don’t worry, I would have to say I disagree with your opinions at least 40% of the time, but enjoy reading even those with which I disagree.

Shit, especially the ones with which I disagree.

It’s not as much fun to read someone who agrees with you, because to a great extent, they have already thought everything you have thought and I enjoy perspectives that are foreign to my way of thinking.

18

It’s a bot. I’ve seen it elsewhere, it’s it’s 1st post, and it’s the exact same post. I googled “bullying has ruined my life”.

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no i am not a bot… i am a human being!

and to the guy who asked me why i’m posting this: because i’ve had this for around 5 years and it goes through phases: good, bad, good, bad.

And at the moment i’m in a very bad phase, and feeling very desperate.
and yes i have posted it on loads of forums, because i want as much advice as possible. Think about it: if you were in my situation and wanted help, surely you’d post on loads of boards?
Specially if your doctors couldnt help you…

20

And I don’t recall posting this 2 weeks ago, all i’ve done is posted in 2 boards?
link?