I like the darkness of those days, the green letters on the black screen, at night in a room, that was one of the most estranging and thrilling things the universe will ever produce. I was on IRC from time to time, it seems like it was inevitable to not get banned in many of these places…
But in fairness it was my cousin who used to get banned all the time and then invited back in, because he would throw chairs and punch people.
I guess banning is just part of the fun. But I admit I have never been banned except once on ILP, not for lack of trying.
I think the end of philosophy is that the nature of possibility itself requires that only the greatest and most subtle efforts can survive. I aspire to a way to increase my effort, now that philosophy no longer challenges me in the sense that it grasped me when I was under the influence of the errors of previous science and the dissociating effects of weed and mushrooms. I am a drug philosopher; the questions were always clear to me, the lack of logic too, but I simply accepted that the world is at large absurd but in particular cases, very awesome. I think most people instinctively do that. Drugs change this, in me, the brought the greater whole into the same picture as the awesomeness in front of me; the basic conditions of a revaluation of all values. Finally I am at the end of that.
(An atom is the best he can be, that is why he exists. Only the greatest possible effort can be stable, in a world where it is always possible to exert great effort.
What is given is that we live in a world that requires effort of its inhabitants and constituents.
In the past of Greece, there was a directed effort under the name of fairness and justice, reason and invention to cohere tings that had not been coherent before, through addressing the world in more subtle ways, so as to reveal greater differences but also unexpected alikenesses. In this age, there is an effort to cohere by the crudest means available. Subtlety is not by any measure a standard; and yet time will not allow crudeness to stand; all remaining eficices are those built with awareness of greater subtleties.
To master subtlety is stability.
I was on the other end of the spectrum for a while
We have disbanded the philosophers clan, in a sense, as a serous thing - – it never was but a parody, I am sure you can see this from the setup, I get up out of a wooden hut obviously made by children.
The point of it was to do something in the name of philosophy, because I figure my idea is worthy of it, and enough people are with me. I thought, fuck nihilism.
Now I am in Montreal, city full of psychedelic nuts and beautiful girls that are not all bitches, a very nicely cultivated wildness, lack of moral constraints within a kind of obvious cultural sense of what’s just not cool. There seem to be few limits in the peoples minds about what can be cool; they simply insist on not being stupid. They have 5 or 6 universities, two of them I believe in the mountain in the center. I only know one other city around a mountain like this, which is Damascus. The rock here is black, fucking beautiful graphite like that when it breaks produces blades of rock, sharp edges that are perfect for carving runes in the birch trees that grow happily on this soil. When I came here that astounded me, as I had just immersed myself in the runes. Much of what I encountered here the first month was purely magical; I had some sort of aura, too, as people of all kinds drew to me and told me stories, from old guys out of prison to the barladies to the guitarist - but it is the same now, as time has passed. This city is pleasing to me as I seem to be pleasing to it. I can finally do my craft, which is film, but I am still reeling from many years in a completely unfree culture, and only make several appointments a week now, enjoying the resurfacing of my spirit.)
Instead of the Clan we now have a small studio, or I do, Pezer found a proper job, but he will still partake in the filming - with some connections that make it possible to do an actual movie. So that is what I am aiming for. I purely want to do film now. It is what I was given most evidently, it is a matter of gratitude. Not making films is ungrateful of me and will lead to a very unsatisfying old age. I can see this now, thankfully; I knew, but I didnt see it, which meant I couldnt go out there and do it. As soon as I shot my first shot for a short here, something completely fiction-based, there was a transformation of my souls gravity. I remembered how much fun it is to wield this sort of power, the power to make something awe inspiring, the power at least of believing that one is capable of it, the trance of putting passion into moving images. It is such a beautiful craft. Especially because it requires other people.
Despite the fact that it has been said that “where there is love, there can be no hate”, I say that one can feel love and hatred at the same time. We are a conflicted bunch of humans. Maybe I’m wrong.
