A child does wrong. THe child is punished. However instead of learning that doing wrong will result in punishment, they learn that getting caught will result in punishment. Hence lying about it.
Maybe lies result from not properly explaining why you are disciplining a child?
I think assuming that a child’s lies must be observed or taught is doing him or her an injustice. Lying is inventive and a sign of intelligence. It arises out of circumstance and need. At the same time, the child knows that the lie feels bad, and is a step down a dangerous path, which is also a sign of that child’s inherent brilliance.
If lying is necessarily observed or taught, then who was the original lier?
I remember my first lie. I just figured that if I’d tell the truth, there’d be a hassle. I was pondering about this and realized that I could just as well say something else and everything would be fine. I didn’t think there was anything “wrong” about this.
My parents found out and I got in trouble which is probably why I remember it.
self preservation, even explaining why something is wrong can be seen as a punishment and a hassle to a kid. So a kid will try to avoid making the same mistake with lies. No big deal, either way, as anon states it is a sign of intelligence and inventiveness. It must be handled right so that you do not break this in a child.
Lying develops after punishment. Rarely do children lie if they have never been punished for telling the truth, or for being caught.
For example…you find that your child has drawn on the walls for the first time. You find them and ask 'Did you draw this picture on the wall?" They say yes, because they have no reason to think they have done something wrong. If you punish them or scold them, they learn that the action is wrong…and the next time you find a picture on the wall, they are more inclined to lie to avoid punishment.
ROFLMAO: It does not work that way always. Just talking to them will cause a kid to lie. They don’t wish to be talked to by you about something they did. They will come up with a lie just to avoid that conversation. Not all but, some will. You can’t put all children in the same category. Kids are almost as diverse as their physical appearances. What triggers the truth from one kid will trigger a lie from another. You just have to learn and understand your kid. What works on your first kid will probably not work for your second or third kid. I can guarantee that.
Why would they wish to avoid the conversation if they had not done something?
Why would they lie if they did not feel they had done something wrong?
Why would they feel what they had done was wrong if no one had ever informed them about it?
Telling me that all kids are different doesn’t remotely address the statement I made. I even said in the first line that kids RARELY lie if they do not have reason to fear a negative reprocussion.
Your last statement is probably the most naive of statements in child rearing. A child is not a controled adult human, a child is a wild sentient animal until taught otherwise.
Dropping calf does not make you the superior holder of all knowledge related to children.
You assume that their actions have no rhyme or reason because you can not see the reason in your own kids. Choosing to believe that because you do not understand something, there is no reason for it…is frankly, more naive than stating that a child’s actions have a reason.
To a child a negative repercussion can be as simple as the words “No, you may not”. It can cause more pain than you can imagine in a child, to another child, it means nothing.
Each child has different perceptions of pain positive negative. Children make their own reasons to do things or not do things. Children are wonderfully inventive and wild. To a child a lie is just self defense, it is self preservation. A normal act.
A child has their own reasons yes, but, their reasoning is based on survival.
No I do not think I hold all knowledge of kids, just some. No one can know all about kids not even child pyschiatrists.
Kids do what they do in order to survive their world. They work very hard at trying to reason it out. For that reason kids are more drawn to a structured life, they thrive in such an environment. It gives them a chance to explore their growing perceptions and knowledge safely.
The question is how did this difference occur? All children in the same enviroment would develop more or less the same. Its the enviroment they are raised in that creates these differences.
Nature plays a big part in a child. 4 kids all with the same parents raised in the same environment with the same structure, will be different. Genetic makeup plays a big part. Its a crap shoot. Expecting John to behave and react as James does is ridiculous. you can force compliance you can break a child’s spirit by forcing John to follow James but, in the end John’s genetic make up will rebel. Each child must be dealt with seperately and treated as individuals not a herd.
That scenario could only happen with quads, and even then it would be extremely difficult to ensure each child recieved the exact same attention and care.
Individual children will be raised differently, hence act differently
Maybe I’m not understanding you, but it seems like you’re discounting both genetic (and other possible types of inheritance, depending on one’s worldview) and the nearly random twists and turns that we take which subsequently determine our future existence?
[quote=“Kriswest”]
To a child a negative repercussion can be as simple as the words “No, you may not”. It can cause more pain than you can imagine in a child, to another child, it means nothing.
quote]
…And? I never said it had to be a physical punishment, I said a negative reprocussion. You have just recognized that they ALWAYS have a reason to lie, that reason being fear of a negative reprocussion.
The other possibility would be the desire for a reward- IE "You can have a cookie if you did your homework. Did you do your homework? " “Yes.”
Neither of these are possible unless the child has a reason to think that lying will have a more possitive effect than telling the truth.
What I’m saying- All children have a reason for lying, that reason being that they either fear a negative reprocussion or desire a possitive one. If they have no reason to believe lying will result in this (Meaning that there has never been a negative reprocussion for admitting to a misdeed or a possitive one for claiming that you did something right) they will not lie.
