With all this frenzy dealing on the subject of cults on the news basically has got me thinking what it would be like to start my very own cult. 
If you could start a successful cult what would it be like? 
What kind of ritual or belief would be involved in your own cult?
I say, it looks like Michael Palin in the second to last picture.
Mine would involve an arena in which I watch gladiator battles. Other than that, I canāt think of much. I get carried around on my throne by the slaves I suppose.
Oh, and Iām going to have the best chefs in the world slaving 24/7 to keep me and only me fed, with the best food one can get. My leftovers may or may not go to the other starving slaves. Depending on my mood that day.
Iād make every initiate in my cult break some laws, if membership got high enough it would be chaos!
and of course we would all believe in these alien spirits that came to earth and took over human bodiesā¦oh waitā¦theres already a cult for thatā¦sorry! hahahah
As it so happens, despite his cracked theology, Iām extremely sympathetic of Jeffs. Iād rather discuss Jeffs than writing him off as a cult like a five-hundred dollar Tico.
My cult would nominate a new leader every twenty-two minutes, we would pour water on each other as a ritural of spontaneous silliness. We would also do things that are secret.
My cult:
As a sacrament, we would drink water and smoke crack.
Sunday would be known as Funday, when everyone must attend a party from noon til dusk.
Freestyling would replace talking in tongues.
Sexual hedonism and orgies? Nice. 
( Although for health concerns everybody would have to have medical screening of course.) 
Please elaborate. Iām deeply interested.
So you would convince others that you are god in order to be idolizedā¦yes?
hmmā¦
Sounds alright except for the crackā¦
My cult would be more like the Manson family with random murders of people that we donāt like.
(We would be a mobile cult as to not get caught all that easily. 
)
( Charles Manson was immobile which is why he got caught easily in death valley.)
My cult would be devoted to atheism, anarchy, sex, hedonism, nihilism and berauge of mass primitivism centered around a deep bond with nature. 
( Is currently accepting applications.)
This was on my to-do list a month ago when Jeffs first hit the front page, but if hindsight is 20/20 then this can be discussed with much more clarity a month in.
I started by watching a few of Jeffsās sermons. You can find them on Google Video easily. Not up my alley theologically, and I donāt like to call anyone this, but Jeffs is creepy; his soothing lyric voice is not right.
But Jeffs did it his way. Split himself and his followers from the LDS and set up his own society, 20,000 strong by some accounts.
The community at one point claimed the amazing rate of zero percent employment! This was obviously not making Uncle Sam happy. But Jeffs continued to instigate the central government; at another point, and it would make John Taylor Gatto proud, he had all the school age members of his community withdraw from the public education system --but did not pull the parents of his community from the PTAs! It was not long before Jeffs found his way onto the FBIs 10 most wanted list.
No one can seriously believe the cover story that Jeffs got life in prison for having sex with a minor. Jeffs was not only not playing good citizen, he took 20,000 people with him! The entire community was assaulted by APCs and the FLDSs had their children abducted by CPS, according to the official account due to a single report to a hot line for domestic abuse --the call has since been shown to have been a hoax.
A lot of people have made much of the marrying habits of the FLDS, and Iāll agree they are a little different. But when the state abducted āchildrenā were examined by doctors and forty-some were found to be or have been pregnant it means nothing. All were over 14 so had Jeffs set up his community in Canada instead where the age of consent is 14 this would have been no crime; furthermore half of the forty-some were later discovered not to be minors at all, even in their 20s as the FLDS had not registered births with the state, the CPS guessed at members ages in the most sensational way possible. And further more, the rate of teen pregnancy in the FLDS is still below the US national average!
Jeffs and the FLDS is a case more or less similar to the Ithaca Hours and Liberty Dollars cases, but on a much larger scale. If you donāt play how Uncle Sam wants you to, in a way that is profitable to the central government; you can expect to find yourself raided and imprisoned. [This isnāt to say that I think Iām gonna be a god-planet in the next life, just that I sympathize with Jeffs and a lot of what he did and stood for, and laugh at the way he and his community have been demonized in the mainstream media.]
Fuck cults - we are each a cult unto ourselves!
To Etaoin,
Obviously undermining the state of course was a big part in warranting so much attention for the FLDS.
( Any form of dissention, resentment or deviation from the absurd hypocritical norm is looked down at with extreme prejudice.)
What I thought was interesting about the Texas invasion of their religious compound is that they treated one molestation case of a child to be the same for all the other hundreds of families there without even bother looking into them individually.
( Which of course didnāt surprise me.)
In older times of history people could assemble groups of people and move somewhere seperate if they didnāt agree with the pre- existing establishment.
But in a world where there are no un-discovered areas with very few un-habited places to go it has become illegal to make a splinter group or a separatist faction of any kind.
ā¦as I began to read, I was wondering where this was heading - the twist at the end is a brilliant touch, pure genius! 
ā¦dare I ask? 
Hah for fucks sake. You people are prude!
ā¦then do share your non-prudish ways with us, oh non-prudish oneā¦ 
Donāt wanna scare the children.
