…
so much for the “don’t kiss and tell” aspect of romance eh detrop 
Good story man, cheers too you and your new found love 
Story of my life.
If I were to guess, concerning her remark… well, she doesn’t want you for your mind. 
Seriously though, think about it. It is spring, hell, even I could get laid right now if I wanted to. She just finished a long term relationship. She was at a bar with a female companion, said companion was seeing action, of course she might feel as though it behooved her to see some action as well.
I guess what I am trying to say, what my advice might be, is to slow it down a bit. Squash the “relationship” talk until you are certain that is what she wants, otherwise you risk scaring her off (if she is looking for something else at the moment). Try to talk to her more by phone or in person, to gauge her feelings for you while you are both sober. There is much you can intuit just by the inflection of her voice, something you can’t get via email alone.
I suppose you feel that she must have indicated that she is looking for a relationship, but you are not certain of this. If she is, ya know, ‘the one’ (argg we males and our mythical ‘one’) don’t go gangbusters just yet.
Anyway, I am really not the guy to give advice to the forlorn. Hopefully some resident females will chime in. Don’t listen to me, listen to them.
Thank you both.
GCT, you are da man.
Detrop a few weeks ago…
Apparently not… it’s the Jerry Springer show!.. weird characters talking about their sexual (mis)adventures.
My answers: 1C, 2A, 3B, 4B, 5C – if I’m correct, I get the bird right?
Hey, there’s nothing else to talk about here. Dunamis and Spinoza have pulled the rug from under ILP, and the only thing left to do is watch.
There is a big difference between trying to cheer up a suicide and telling a story about an affair, sir. My story is one to be celebrated…it is not a tragedy.
What, did you think I was this cold, hard philosopher (which, or course, I am) who has no feelings?
Do not mistake my intimate moments with ILP as a sign of weakness, or you shall soon feel the hilt of my sword upon your skull, dear friend.
Oh, and pay very close attention to Dunamis, too.
congratulations détrop…
I don’t think it was sarcasm (it might have been her way of telling you that you don’t need to be an english teacher for her but that she also understood that your letter would have passed muster…)
I hope things go well for you…
-Imp
This is why the world must be radically changed.
Mommas, don’t let your babies grow up to be km2 33’s.
Ok, you’re all guys right!? Well, step aside- I think a woman needs to respond to this now…
De’trop- I agree with GCT- don’t come on too strong, women think that’s pathetic. You need to let her know that you like her, but definitely don’t go into relationship talk yet because she just got out of one and that might just send her running, it could send any woman running for the hills so soon. I liked the quiz though and that you opted to snuggle her even with your raging hormones bubbling and blistering below the surface. That was the right thing to do.
Here’s an example of an “I like you†email that was sent to me. Him and I are still together, although I did initially shoot him down when he sent it because I had also just ended a long relationship:
“I’m writing this to assure you of a few things. I’ll begin with an overly blunt statement. I like you. I’ve thought about it and the conclusion was simple, there was nothing difficult in it, because you’re a good person and I enjoy you’re company. In other words you are attractive to me, and the reason I’m stating this so bluntly is because I know that it may seem otherwise from the way that I act and am percieved, but that is only because I have a reserved personality, and sometimes find it nearly impossible to show how I feel. (I’m laying this on thick aren’t I) I also realize that I’m assuming quite a bit here, that I dont know if you feel the same way, and obviously we really dont know each other very well, but from what I can tell I think the feeling is fairly mutual. So lets just continue the way we have, if you agree, and see what occurs.
Would you like to try and get together on tues, wed, or thurs (one of the days I have off) for a few hours? Or if not maybe this weekend?
And just in case you dont share my feelings, please just let me know so I dont end up playing the part of the fool.â€
… and then I shot him down, he befriended me anyway (a good move)- a few weeks later I revisited my harsh response- reopened the lines of communication about the subject and kind of told him that I had reconsidered. By this time he had burrowed under my skin deep enough by cleverly playing the part of the “shoulder to cry on†in regards to me hashing out old issues from my recently ended relationship in a search for closure.
Oh what the hell, here’s the email I wrote after feeling bad that I shot him down, it’s kind of funny in different ways and a fond memory. When I refer to my head hurting and the way my “mind is treating me†I was referring that I knew then I was hopelessly falling in love, which due to confusion and uncertainty I could not deal with at all, hence the sleeplessness and the drinking….ehhh- just read:
This was the bomb I dropped:
“I just wanted to make clear that I like hanging out with you, and you had said that you “like” me…I’m not planning on dating or having a boyfriend any time soon. I don’t mind going out at all, but I just wanted you to know that dating is not my motive. I really cannot take dealing with men on that level at all.”
Ok- this is the part where I reconsider and make a lame failed attempt to show that I have feelings:
“I reread what I had wrote after I reread your response to it, and you sounded a little defensive and hurt and I didn’t mean it that way. I’m not in love with Kent and he is not in love with me, he’s leaving and that’s that. I’m sure he and I will continue being friends. When I wrote that I was thinking of that poor guy that I made cry at the party and you said that you liked me kind of suddenly, and I didn’t want to be misleading. You have been so nice to me and fun and thoughtful about all my bullshit. It’s more of a conscious choice I’m trying to make not to get involved, regardless of any compulsions that may arise. I think it’s just easier for now, or I’d like to rationally believe that I am making my life more simple- as it inevitably complicates itself.
I think I’m getting a headache now. You have no idea the way my brain has been treating me lately. Anyway, I really have no idea how to deal with everything going on. I wake up every night at 4:15 and don’t sleep again for a few hours, I’m like a zombie at work, I think about crap constantly. I need a drink, that will be first on my agenda for tonight. Maybe it would be nice to finally hear from you- please send your reply to *******@yahoo.com. I’m sorry, I just need someone to talk to and you’re a little better to talk to than my friend Cheri who told me to change the locks and send Kent to a men’s shelter, even though we signed our lease together. She is SO irrational, and she works with Kent and tells people at his work that he should live in a shelter. What a bitch… crazy people. See, you are kind of normal compared to some! I like that.
See you soon!â€
Anyway…
Even if you don’t think this girl likes you for your brains, whatever because she was hanging out in a bar and I’ll have you know us bar flies do look for men with a bit of intellect, at least some of us- those that post on ILP.
De’trop- I love your wit and sarcasm, your sense of humor. I read your posts just because you write them, even the ones in the philosophy forum- which I rarely, if never post in! As far as wondering if she was being sarcastic…I mean did you consider for a second the nature of the email you sent her!? She’s just playing off of and with you. I think she likes you. I think you’ve done a lot of things right- just don’t lay it on too thick.
Good luck!
Wait and see what she says in her next email… It’s possible you two could be setting each other up for a long-living relationship. I say this because you didn’t just screw her while she was drunk…it shows at least some level of modesty. I gotta admit, I am just a little impressed that you held yourself back in that situation. A fruitful relationship isn’t just about sex, it’s about finding the happiness that resides in companionship.
Anyways…I wouldn’t have screwed my girlfriend if she had been drunk when we met - which is weird since we met in college. Even then, we didn’t start having sex until about a month after hanging out… she was very shy about shedding her insecurities, but I helped her through that. 
I think her answers to your quiz are likely: 1A, 2D, 3A, 4D, 5A…
…good luck.
Sorry detrop… I thought it WAS a suicide note (I’ll have to reread it )
On second reading No, it’s absolutely not sarcasm. Its sprinkled with lots of little positive signs… “best email I ever received”… “impressed with your excessive verbiage” 
… “spelled correctly”(you took the time/consideration to impress me)… “I have one minute but I wanted to assure you” (I’m letting you know I was genuine")… “I’ll write more when I get home” (Hang on, baby)
Dr Phils advice: ALWAYS give the woman the benefit of the doubt… ALWAYS assume she’s meaning it in a good way… otherwise it may as well be a suicide note.
It could be… I cant see your hands from here.
Give it time détrop, feelings change.
Oh what it is to be young! Such fun.
First, anybody who asks for advice does not want to be told what to do. They just usually only want someone to confirm their own plans. That being said, here are some recommendations.
Don’t be so clever. Well, don’t TRY to be clever, just be as clever as you are. If she is impressed by this stuff, then you have already impressed so, so you don’t have to lay it on thick. If she is unimpressed by it then you are just going to annoy her or bore her if you do it over the top.
Also calm down. Vulnerability is cute, but go too far and you stray into deperation territory which is romatically repulsive.
Are you normally so quick to jump into a living situation with a roommate? I guess you do have a certain greater degree of mobility than many people, but having a bad situation with a roommate still seems like an headache that is worth avoiding.
Also leave the girl with a bit of her mystery. Your questions seem overly intusive. Mystery is an important attribute for any woman.
What do you want out of your relationship with this girl? That is the big question.
Go détrop !
enjoy, mate
miracles havn’t left earth,
sometimes they’re shaped as humans even
we call em woman
xanderman,
Are you sure you’re not a chick? That was the most chick-esque post I’ve read in this thread–which probably explains why all parts of it were so bang on, IMNSHO.
detrop, congratulations on the amazing evening, and I hope you do take the words in everyone’s responses into consideration (I’m lauding xanderwoman here, but others have also added valuable words of wisdom, as you’ve already seen).
I am male, but in text form it can difficult for anyone to be certain what I am.
You are not the first, nor I suspect will you be the last person on the internet to ask me this question. Although you have less disrespect for me than most people who ask it.
I have been informed by a female that perused this thread that Katy’s reply might also be a kind of brush off. She doesn’t mention the evening spent together nor does she seem even remotely romantic. She mentions spell checkers and OSHA and what not. She didn’t say “I like you” or "I really enjoyed being around you " or “I thought about you” or anything at all about what went on in that bed… for example.
Said female also mentioned that your Katy might not be the type to overlook one’s, umm, earning potential when she thinks it is worth her time to form a relationship with you. Something along the lines of, most nurses don’t want to be head nurse, they would rather be the Doctor’s wife.
Personally, every female I have met in bars have been shallow, superficial, and materialistic. That might not be the case with your Katy, and even if she doesn’t go for you it might not be the reason why… but if you ever want to hurl insults in her direction, I would start there.
Jeesh this is like High School lol, though to be honest, I must admit I have a hard time figuring out when someone wants to be “serious” and when someone doesn’t.
Whatever the case, definately slow things down until you know what it is she wants out of you (if anything). And don’t set your hopes too high. The days of the Woman Hating De’Trop have left a dark stain on ILP. (I jest… sort of).
Xander, I hope in your mind that “less” = “no,” since my comment was meant as a pure compliment (served up a la psyque’s inimitable style…).
Then again, most chicks just don’t know how to get honest compliments wrapped up in irony…
GCT- you can’t tell much from an email at all. That was the point of me posting the email response I had given to the person in my life who sent me an “I like you†email. I was falling in love with the guy and responded with things like: I have a headache, I can’t sleep and I need a drink… not anything alone the lines of “I like you too†I didn’t necessarily want him to know what I was feeling anyway because I wasn’t sure of myself, or like I said- did not want to lead him on.
Only time will tell de’trop, but while you’re waiting why not indulge in those good love vibrations- it’s true… they may not last!
De’trop,
So… you /are/ having a good time. That’s good.
It’s not love, yet. It’s infatuation.
She is teasing you in a positive light (like the wife-beater shirt girl). She knows you are smarter than her, but that you’re into her, so she sees it as not intimidating, but attractive. If you weren’t into her, she would feel intimidated by your intelligence. She isn’t necessarily stupid, though. She won’t be able to engage you in debate just yet, but she may be a willing student…
She wants to be your woman and take care of you, be your ‘helper’. But she will also get what she wants out of you (don’t know how high-maintenance that is 'til you get to know her)… watch out. ;0)
No such thing, but… best of ‘luck’ to you and your lucky lady.
Oh… and just because she doesn’t mention what went on in the bed or say how much she likes you, does not mean she isn’t interested. You said enough for both of you. And you said it just right – you have done the over-analyzing /for/ her, you have read her mind. Don’t obssess over it (hehe, yeah right, right?).
And the mystery stuff is b.s.
I hope she deserves you.