I am a dark, cynical, rebellious, creative, brilliant, hedonistic pervert.
As such, I am generally considered “disgusting” by simple folk and oddly,
you love me. (Probably for the same reason they hate me.) We are an odd
pair though, you being so pure and angelic, innocent and childlike, but we
have one thing in common, we are attracted to eachother like nothing else.
As such, I will protect you from evil; in this endeavor I have a distinct
advantage since I myself am evil -and I know the ways of evil and how to
best foil them. Again, a reason why you love me. You know my strength,
whereas the good are weak and ignorant - they can never protect you.
My love for you is undying, but I will keep you guessing, and pretend to
want to leave. I will feign boredom and disgust, so that you continue to
see me as an heroic, independant animal. For that is the sun source of our
love.
I will carry on and be your faux foe as it were, I will stare at you with
disgust, as if to say “how did I wind up with such a subspecies moron
jumping idiot singing sprite?” My eyes will say it all. You will know my
anger, and my disconnect, my eyes will never cease to vex you. My eyes
will become my essence and all you see when you look at me will be my
btter tolerance and ellusive disdain.
I will be alluring, but once in my grasp I will hurt you and paralyze you.
You will not be able to free yourself, I will poison you with your
self-hatred and mine combined.
As if waking from a fever, I will abandon my morals as if
they were illusions dropped into my drink by a scallawag collecting a
debt. Try to escape and you will find a cloying mixture of suffocation and
contentedness.
My unparalleled charm, wit and novelty will force you to fuse
with my bones until such time I snap them with an axe fashioned from the
cheapest pig iron man can buy.
Admittedly, life is a game. I am a firm believer in absurdist
existentialism, and yet, evolution is always on the tip of my tongue. Our
desires, beliefs, loves, are hormonal and chemical. The feelings we have
actually have us, not the other way around, and these puppet shows draw
the story of our lives. We can claim none as our own when we sleep in the room I’ve built for us.
If you are weak you will never admit the truth of this. If you are strong
you will disagree, but you will be fooled by your own random fortuitousness in being granted ephemeral, material strength at a time when your worldview was in question.
I reserve hopes that you are neither strong, nor weak, but a seeker. If
you are a seeker, you will inevitably find me walking through endless
halls, peering around corners, dancing with the gaps in my knowledge like
no lover can. If you DO find me in this holy, deep place…alas, I will
marry you.
Though I am still a hedonistic scumwad, I daresay I’m the right guru for
you in particular, my soul is far deeper and more bizarre than I could
ever express even in my most revealing prose, but it is also far more
tender than good kings combined.
The premise that I am bad for you is flawed, plain and simple. Evidence
will be in your happiness, and then, naysayers will agree that we are good
together.
On occassion I will need to stretch and bend in ways I am not accustomed
to, the ways of the free, who soar on spontaneous winds, build nests,
regurgitate nourishment into hatchlings. This I will do, if I can.
In sum, I will try to make our life together the song I have been
searching for, the song that searches for me, the one with no words. So pure and primal that once sung in a twilight daze, the angels join in and never
shut
up.