Death Mask

I stare from my hollow eyes,
a mouth drawn in disgust,
no passion nor hate,
no anger nor lust,
i sit and i stare,
in my broken throne,
i would let out a moan,
but my dry throat,
and my parched lips,
wouldnt move if they could,
nor if they should.
Give me some glimmer,
some vague idea,
something to care for,
something to fear.
As I waste away,
I feel my gut rumble,
as my bones become brittle,
I stand and I stumble.
Fallen not far, and yet I do break,
lying in a bloodied mess,
for passivities sake.
I leak red and yellow,
my eyes they still stare,
at the ground that will,
soon consume me.

the desperate illusion
slowly turns, becomes delusion
shall I state what ails me?
or find a strength that shall not dissapate?
but will neither offer conclusion.
I sense all turmoil as an offering of regret
and as for chaos
I demand my mind to not forget
to remember what was said
so that it lingers in this rotting head
and moves with sudden striking speed
towards the narrows and the depth
that lie between and underneath,
but may be to afraid to speak
for all it sees are growing weeds
and the slow decline of beauty
decay until you reinvent.

No need, I like your poetry, and I mean that in the way that I like it because it moves me. Not much modern poetry does. I wrote the above spotaneously, on the whim of the moment, inspired somehow by your own poem, and to be honest I want you to like it. I want you to see the correlation that may be there. If you don’t there is nothing lost, but then agian there is nothing gained in the attempt. Actually, I don’t quite understand the reason I wrote it, but it’s most likely because probably you’ve made yourself so apparent in your despair. It’s not just this post but many others you’ve written as well. To be honest when I first saw your name, I thought it was a weak desire to be contridictory to the “process.” Now I realize that you fit the name well, and that means respect I suppose. But who wants respect anyay when they desire to transcend everything. Take it for what it is.

Your troubles whatever they may be are simutaneously your fuel and your guide. And I hope you find what your looking for.

I do like your poem, and I do see a correlation. Especially in the line

“and the slow decline of beauty
decay until you reinvent.”

which seems a slightly more abstract expression of the same feeling I expressed in this line in the poem I titled ‘Failure’

“Don’t say you failed me,
I felt pain and for it grew”

When you say “Your troubles whatever they may be are simutaneously your fuel and your guide. And I hope you find what your looking for.” this is very true in my view. In the Devils of Loudun Huxley says “Pain… is a tonic shock to organisms deeply and complacently sunk in the ruts of habit”.
Here he is talking of physical pain, but I think it applies to mental anguish as well.
“Decay until you reinvent”… quite, though I didn’t realise it at the time, I can now identify a steady decline over the past many years, a decline and a withdrawal. It caused me much anguish, but it eventually got to the point where there was a snapping moment, when everything just seemed to come into focus. I now have a clarity of vision when it comes to my philosophy that has given me a drive of sorts, and drive is something I have been distinctly lacking.

As for what I am looking for… I would say that at this time I am more passively waiting and watching, with a slight glimmer of hope. And I have no idea what it is that I am waiting for. In the mean time, I stumble forwards, every now and then plucking up the motivation to try and drive myself towards my vague desire, but I inevitably stumble, I know not why. Maybe it is fear, I know it plays a part in my psyche, no matter how much I have a distaste for it. But as things stand for me, there is little I can do but watch and wait at this time, those things that I wish to do to advance myself will be denied me at least another haf a year.

As for my username, well, I’ll let you read into it as you will, part of the magic of expression is inevitably removed by strict explanations of it. Given an understanding of me and what I stand for it may over time come into sharper focus, and this ‘organic’ way of coming to comprehension of a thing I tend to find much more rewarding.

I unfortunately cannot utilize the quote function that this board offers becuase I am using an apple pc, and I am completely ignorant on how this system works so I willl try and get my point across without relying upon the mannerisms of communtation that I usually reply upon here.

Yes it is more abstract (that is the lines from my poem you quoted.)
Huxley understoood something of human nature, and he pointed to the reason why we might find a certain comfort in activities or ideas that we don’t question. Many people suffer these consequences. Many suffer the malaise of thier existance, and the ennui, and the sorrow of regret. Unfortunately some technologies help to expediate the process, but when it is all broken down, it depends upon the individual. To rise or to fall into the hypnotic sway which might as well be the river Lethe (forgetfullness) It is much more than pain he speaks of. He speaks of pain in it’s modern form because humanity lacks the requisite pain to endure.

Well, you are 20. Your life is now. The choices you make in the next year might make you. Maybe they won’t. All I know is it is a seminal time in ones life. It’s very much the time in which one is reborn, and find a new existance. Finds their reason or their purpose. I feel like I’m lecturing which I wholeheartedly apologize for, but you should find a skill in writing. Your poems are good even though I may find faults. Shit. Well again take it for what it is. I have no more time now.

“to be honest I want you to like it”…so like you concordant, the way you say things and just put it out there. Sorry, I just like that about you…

It’s hard for me to have as much of an appreciation for these sentiments as you both do because I’m not feeling this way right now. I never actually had the feeling of such a total decline within myself- it was more like just a sadness over the lack of life in others- like having a light inside me amidst the darkness that I want to share with these people as if to say “this is available to you too if you just stop focusing on negativity and self hatred.”

I think people feel a lot better when they are directing their own lives. I also don’t like the feeling of limitation, which I am confronted with constantly most notably because of financial restraints, as I have an autonomous and illuxurious lifestyle. It’s kind of funny how there’s always something standing in your way, but as you’ve stated- conflict is a good thing. With very real external struggles, however, it is hard sometimes to sympathize with those who live too much within their personal internal ones and have the liberty to create or refuse those outside. Another words there isn’t always enough time to dwell on things and shit happens.

I think it is about fear, noneeds…

For what it’s worth, concordant is one of those people I think you’d enjoy talking to in the way, or for the reasons mentioned in your other thread. Although different, you two have some things in common- I don’t know if sharing some empathic moment together might help, or if that’s even what you’d want.

I feel genuinely sorry that you guys feel this way because it’s all self inflicted on a certain level. If you changed your frame of mind a little things wouldn’t be so bad. I wish there was something comforting I could say- that comes from my helpful nature. It’s hard to watch you be this way concordant, you know- you’re a great person…what is this you have against macs? Don’t make me hurt you!

If you type (quote)(/quote) with what you want to quote in between it should work I think… (note that the brackets are the square kind though)

No need to worry about that, I’m not taking it as a lecture.
As for my skills, I’m fully aware that I know little to nothing about how to write poetry, but I do it anyway, my poems are primarily for me anyway. So no need to worry about that either :slight_smile: