Recently in my life, I’ve been feeling more and more disconnected from everything and I can’t fully explain it.
I have been a ‘loner’ my whole life. I hated my parents, because I felt that they treated me very inadequately–I was not given affection as a child or growing up. Deep inside of myself I buried a hole and took with me there my anger, my pain, and my faith that there is something worth living for in this world. From those days, this pit inside my heart is where I’ve stayed. When I was young, I was an agnostic, for no other reason than being ignorant to the meaning of God and beliefs. I asked God for one thing: to feel love before I die. I accomplished that in my life with my ex-gf, but I decided to end the relationship that I had with her. I do not regret my decision. The only way I can rationalize it to another audience is to say, “Lonliness is my mistress.” This imaginary woman put a cage around my heart long ago and will not let people in.
There is really only a few people that I feel are important in my life, but I feel my connection to them fading away. I am losing my connection with people, the world, meaning, and all that I knew before… I don’t know what to do really. I don’t know why it is happening either…
The Point
What is it that makes connection so important? What does it mean–‘to connect’ to another human being? How can it be that I am losing this connection to the world?
I would say, try not to worry about losing touch. A lot of great minds eventually have. Besides, alienation is one of the true marks of the last century. People dont even know their neighbors. We ride in machines of metal and glass that seperate us from strangers. We depend on many tech things which we hardly have take the time to understand. Look at what we are doing, conversing right now, but through a lack of face to face interaction. We are alone together.
We have to face this if we are not willing to change this. Sure we could all gather in a field and hold hands in a circle, but that is unlikely to happen. Just know that even if you dont lose your mind, you will lose you body, so whats the difference anyhow. Take care man. Learn to enjoy yourself.
I think alot of people feel the way you do, and it may be due to the culture you grew up in. Marx had some things to say on the matter, the gist of which I agree with.
This is gonna sound like some lame-ass Dr. Phil bullshit, but seriously: loneliness is just another state of mind. If you’re experiencing it more often than you think you should, spend some time asking yourself why you’re allowing that emotion to dominate your attention. It’s has no more claim to your perspective than does this being the greatest moment in the history of the world.
About a month ago, at a quaint little bar with a good DJ, I made out with these amazingly gorgeous asian girl while we danced together. It was the first time that I’d been out on the town for awhile; I considered it “beginner’s luck” to have such a good experience, but when I look back on it I wonder what it was…
What is it about being young and drunk that young men and women just literally throw themselves at each other at a dance club?? What compulsion was it for me and this woman I didn’t even know to make out? In a way, it doesn’t make sense to me, but I don’t even care. It’s like her and I were trying to connect on some level of desperation. People are desperate to connect in our current American culture/society.
Not only this observation, there exists my specific background of neglect… Again, I feel like I’m slipping away from everything and I can’t stop it. What will the results be? I cannot tell.
It basically described introvert personalities versus extrovert personalities.
I already know I’m an introvert; I don’t need to read an article to explain that to me, but that doesn’t mean I’m still not a social animal. My issues are with disconnection, which is typical for an introvert, but I feel like mine are becoming worse to the point where I am losing sense of myself.
What do you mean by this, exactly? Do you mean that your own sense of identity is eroding, from withdrawing into solitude?
To me, solitude would actually increase ones sense of oneself.
There are less … distractions, if you know what I mean. Less other people making demands on you and requiring compromises and changes in yourself that would not be needful alone. I am introverted too, apparently. I tend to keep a distance between myself and others, not “connecting” as you put it, often. Where I live, there are few who possess qualities with which I would want to engage.
Perhaps Nano-bug is right and this is nothing to do with you personally, just an effect of the culture you’re living in (I wouldn’t know, I’m Irish).
