Disgraceful Thanks

In the mirror of the world,
banquets, awards, and speeches
spin and spill illusions of preconceptions.

They honor my deceptive/lonely/broken/decaying/useless name
and flaunt it with my image,
as if I had done something extraordinary-
something beyond them-something deserving of their praise.

Do they desire to display their gratitude of their unfulfilled longings through me?
Do they desire to force me to recognize what I have done?
Or
Do they simply want to praise me?

For do they know
that I weep at night
at the intensity of inadequateness that boils in me?

Do they feel lingering loneliness that I feel?
Do they understand the despair that drives me?
Do they cry at the piercing pain I feel and the torture I struggled through?

If they cannot, why should I receive praise from them?

Why honor those whom you do not know?
It is a disgrace to the gods to deliver thanks to a soul such as mine.