this thread is hard to know where to place. I am not sure it should be placed in the religion section, b/c it is more like it is about psychology maybe, or both psychology and religion and philosophy.
anywho, this is my ordeal.
I was raised fundamental mormon. I consider myself a quite rational person. I left mormonism in my early 20’s and am now in my late 20’s.
I don’t believe most of the logical explanations that mormons state for their beliefs and proofs in the religion, but I am still very strongly drawn to it. My soul still longs for those ideas and ways of life. My life is still drawn towards theism or deism though my brain is strongly agnostic.
I can’t figure it out, why am I sooo sooo drawn inside and spiritually to believe in something that doesn’t make logical sense to me?
Well, I think first off it is worth stating that, no matter what C.S. Lewis tries to tell you, a leap of faith is a fundamentally alogical thing. So, if your heart draws you to it, I see no reason not to take part in it, even if it is in a moral detached manner.
Now, I think that (IMHO) the cultural elements of religion are more important than the spiritual elements. Our spirituality is largely informed by our culture, since the beliefs and structure that give meaning to those spiritual ideas is a product of culture. Now, I think it is no surprise that you are drawn to Mormonism because my understanding of Mormon culture is that it has very successfully managed to establish itself as a seperate community, as once you have been a member of a seperate (and exclusive) community, having left it there will always be a gap.
There are a variety of ways one can try to fill that gap, but there is no reason why the original community can’t be that. That said, there is no reason why you have to accept mormonism to be a part of that community. There are people (albeit, uncommon) who attend churches and a part of the Church who don’t buy the line they are selling, but love the social/cultural elements of it.