Drinking, and the loss of self esteem.

The last time I drank was around 3 years ago and now I no longer thirst for alcohol. Scince that time I have been among the 1-3 sober people at every party I’ve been to. During my time at these party’s I have been learning alot about alcohol.

The people (that drink) at the party’s that I go to seem to have lost all self esteem. They all talk about how many guys/girls they have hooked up with, in some way or another. I ask them if they were drunk or had been drinking, and the answer is yes 95% of the time. Some of my friends have never begun a relationship or kissed a girl/guy sober and the rest, only a couple of times. Now after 4 or 5 years of drinking, They have all come to the same conclusion…I need alcohol to get girls/guys. The effects lower morality, they make it ok because you can say… “or I was just drunk,” the list goes on but is a waste of time to type because most already no of the things I’m talking about.

So now I get to my question, It is directed too those who fit the descripton of these friends. Looking back at all those “hook-ups” Do you feel good about the fact that it really wasn’t you who “hooked-up” with anyone. That you couldn’t or wouldn’t have done anything without your friend Jack Daniels. You now need alcohol to meet the opposite sex(I don’t know how it works with gays but I imagine the same), because you are to week to do it sober. Do you have so little faith in being yourself that inorder to accomplish anything that has to do with love you need alcohol. Do you realize that you have no self esteem.

If I were to ask any of my friends about this they would become defensive, because it is kind of an attack on them, so I can’t talk to any of them about it. I want some answers from some of the people described above, and others who can see what I’m talking about. WHy can’t people just be themselvs, I promiss we can have a good time and a big party, If you just be yourselvs and quit worrying what everyone else is doing, or thinking, cause it doesn’t matter. If you like someone why is it so hard for yoou to talk to them sober tha you need to become someone else. The person you like might like the real you alot more than the fake you.

I guess I am just ranting because I’m fed up with drinking, drunks, drugs, and wemon.

How is the sober you the only real you?

The real me often needs to be freed from the prison of a sober mind-state.

Drugs often get my unconscious working in-tune, and that’s when the real me is set free.

I enjoyed reading your thread. I’ve given up drinking and drugs myself and I find myself thinking similarly. When I walk past a bar and I look at the women inside they all seem pathetic to me.

Oh, hey, this totally applies to me. OK, here goes.

I’ve never begun a relationship or hooked up with anyone (past first base) without alcohol. Compared to my drunken self, of course I don’t have self esteem. But why does that condemn alcohol? It is not to say that I can’t hook up with someone when I’m sober (because I’ve gotten to first base). But, even if I couldn’t, what’s the problem? Alcohol functions as a social lubricant, and it speeds up processes that might otherwise take forever. I’ve fallen in love sober, and gotten that someone to fall in love with me, and then we got drunk together and everything worked out amazingly.
Alcohol can be a crutch, and there are people that can’t get by without it. But not having hooked up or begun a relationship while sober is not an indication that you can’t function without alcohol. It’s not that they have little faith in themselves as people, it’s just that alcohol functions as liquid faith, and it’s really difficult to compete with that. So, while I could face this incredible fear and step up to bat and my crush could too, we could also both get hammered and wake up tomorrow in each other’s arms. Where’s the harm?

Pathetic girls need some lovin too…

Oh, and there are a lot of pathetic girls who are sober, too (been to a mall recently?). There are also a lot of classy women who enjoy a drink at social gatherings.

note to self…go to a mall.

I don’t see why people can’t be themselvs sober, why does it take alcohol to be themsevs. Because if alcohol is what makes people become themselvs then most people as them selvs are really annoying.

It seems that people use alcohol as their scapegoat. Nothing really counts because it wasn’t really you, You were drunk. But when something good comes oout of it, ya that was the real you i just needed to loosen up. It is the alcohol, and the dependancy developed that causes you to have this mind set.

I am an addict, I know that, and that is why I don’t drink. I know pot dosent have any phisical addictiveness but I could feel myself loving it more and more. And every time I wanted to quit, I would tell myself the same things that most drunks will tell themselvs like the paragraph above. I never couht the contradictions and lies I was making myself belive. I still don’t think any of those things are bad, and I do not judge peolple because of the use of mind altering substances. I just don’t think I should use them because of my addictive personality. Also maybe it was just because I was hi but I felt this on going battle going on inside of my head for my soul. I could almost see the battle unfolding. It reminded me of 'Peircing the darkness" By: frank peretti. And every time I would convince myself that the devil was actualy good and that good was actually evil. It was weird, and the only reason I would do this is because of the mental addiction I carried. Even as I type this I keep telling myself that I should smoke and is not that bad. My mind is a chaotic whirlwind of conficting Ideals.

The above may have seemed a little of topic, but It explains of the dependancy is formed. I’ve found that we’re all not that different and what goes on in my mind probobly occurs in the minds of others. Remembering my past and when I used to drink I felt the same way as most about alcohol, “it loosened me up” but it actually turned me into an obnoxious individual with low self esteem. In the past 3 years of sobriety, I have trully discoverd myself, and am not afraid to be myself around anyone. I admire those who are not afraid to be themselvs and talk to anyone in any situation. It is not easy, but once you do it, you won’t see any reason why you woould ever want to stop. Its true what some chinese dude somewhere said, “the truth will set ou free.”

But drugs aren’t inherently bad. There is plenty of good to be found in drug use. Alcohol can be destressing, pot can kill pain, and harder drugs can induce spiritual experiences that can help people overcome years of trauma. Drugs can help you explore consciousness and existence; they enable you to be someone else for a short period of time. Sure, they can be devestating, but they are not inherently devestating.
In your personal situation, it sounds as though absaining might be the best solution. It sounds like the drugs made you uncomfortable. But that isn’t the case for everyone. I don’t doubt that a lot of the people who drink every weekend night at bars and clubs are doing out of fear or boredom or some other unhealthy motivation, but you simply can’t generalize that to include every person or every particular drug experience.

I will agree that alcohol is a great face-saver.

I can’t count the number of times I have behaved badly and been able to recover face by blaming alcohol despite my having been sober at the time.

I think that in dignity-crushing activities, such as courtship, such a face-saving device is quite handy to have around.

I don’t and I agree with every word you wrote. I don’t drugs are nessicarily bad, or that alcohol is bad Just that the Lack of moderation is bad. It is all about moderation. An addict has lost their scense of moderation, as did I so abstinance was the best and only option for me.

I know a guy who has been drunk twice in his life. He’s 31 years old, and the first time he got drunk he was 26. He is one of the happiest people I know. He always seems to be totally at ease socially whether he’s talking or not, whether there are strangers around or not, no matter what topic is brought up.

He told me once about a time he took a friend out for his friend’s bachelors party. He and the friend (groom) went to a restaurant/bar and were hanging out waiting for the rest of the people to show up. When they showed up one of them commented on the fact that he and the groom were laughing, having a good time, and jokingly complained that they hadn’t waited for everyone to show up before they started drinking. My friend said he told the guy that they hadn’t been drinking, that they were just happy and were having a good time. THIS WAS UNBELIEVABLE TO THE GUY WHO MADE THE COMMENT. He apparently brought it up multiple times over the course of the evening as something that he didn’t believe.

It seems to me that, although drugs might help us loosen up or however you want to put it, that they aren’t necessary to loosen up. The proof seems to be in the fact that people exist who seem to have at least as good of a time without drugs compared to those who take them.

Unless, of course, we think that people can’t change, can’t become someone with attributes of this kind. Perhaps we think that people are hard-wired beings, and that we cannot really improve, though perhaps we can get worse.

Thoughts?

So alcohol and/or drugs really isn’t the problem… just people who are [unfortunatly] unable to control their consumption of these?

In some cases unfortunatly these substances do become a crutch for people, and these are very sad cases. When the sauce is the only thing that can keep you content or cocaine is the only way to not make yourself suicidal usually indicates some underlying issues; and if the simple nature is one cannot function without due to an addiction is a problem in and of itself. But I think that this is a specific case which turns negative out of a general issue which is not inherantly harmful.

I myself don’t mind the occasional visit from Senior Tequila or the Dope Fairy where I somehow lose track of time, space and my legs (and occasional is used loosely) but I in no way either rely on either to boost my self esteem or social abilities. I have yet to meet someone drunk that I would consciously start a relationship with, nor have I ‘hooked up’ with ANYONE while high/drunk. These are simply tools I use to relax (Wii-Drunk may be a burgoning hobby of mine), enjoy (because Beer tastes good), concentrate (a hydro-bowl and suddenly I ‘get’ Camus, if that is possible) or simply alter my current state of reality for a while (“in Soviet Russia couch sits on you”… funny story). It may not be for everyone but casual over-indulgance is merely one of the ways I occupy my time: no more dangerous than rock climbing or sky diving in the long run.