Early Christmas Verse

A Teen’s Plea

Oh Mom and Dad, Oh please please please,
I’m begging you on bended knees
To think of me when you decide
We all must visit Uncle Clyde.

I’m OK with his corny jokes,
His cough and spit, his constant smokes,
The scent of dog pee in the air,
The taste of candy growing hair–

But his dog Barf drives me insane.
The mutt’s a pervert, pure and plain.
He will not sit, play dead or beg.
He only wants to hump my leg.

No matter where I choose to sit
He lusts for leg and goes for it.
He is so dumb he does not know
I have no holes from leg to toe.

He licks his ass, then licks my face;
And then, to add to my disgrace,
You look away and Old Clyde laughs
While Barf goes gaga for my calves.

Oh Mom and Dad, don’t make me go.
My leg is not a bitchie show.
Leave me at home. Leave me with friends
Who would not dare to rape my shins.
Revised for word choice.

:laughing: Excellent.

Couldn’t help but think of the old Roald Dahl rhymes I used to read in Dirty Beasts.

Thanks. I read the Dahl poems you mention. And, for some of us “visions of sugarplums” just aint what we experience during the holly daze.

Funny stuff! I like that other one you just posted, too.

That’s hilarious, I think your, “Beg,” and, “Leg,” rhyme is kind of a stretch, but hilarity is more important than rhyme flow on this one.

Thanks, PM. I usually go for flow unless I’m trying to get at the jugular. Glad you liked this piece of “doggerel”. :smiley: