The following dialogue was spoken shortly after the Romans nailed Jesus to a tree in what was to become a significant historical event.
Jesus: My God! My God! What hast thou forsaken me?
God: Because you were stirring up shit at the eastern end of the Roman Empire. I spent ages building that empire up from scratch, and I can’t have you undoing all my hard work.
Jesus: But these Romans are heathens!
God: They are now, yes, but I’ll convert them in good time. For your information I started them out as heathens so I can have a nice mass conversion when Constantine comes along.
Jesus: Okay, fair enough. But can’t you let me off anyway - I am your son after all.
God: D’oh - everyone’s my son! Nah, if I let you off now, every bugger will think he can have a pop at my pet empire, and it might collapse. Sorry Jesus: you’re fucked! See you heaven in three day’s time.
Jesus: Well, okay then… Laters.
God: Adios.
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