Everyone knows it was a talking snake in a tree

This is from a comic I love… I thought it was hilarious.

"I’ve read large parts of the bible, I’m fascinated by it, almost obsessed to a certain degree… but yeah I’ve read large parts, and I can say, honestly the bible is the funniest book I’ve ever read. I mean it’s fucking funny… right out of the gate, ‘And the all powerfull thingy… desended from heaven to cast a plague’ … I mean come on, that’s the most D&D bullshit. Let’s… give him more powers… roll the die. heheh And then he was dead for 3 days and then ROSE up to heaven.

I mean the bible is so crazy, I mean if you know the massive history of the bible, and how it was written in these dead languages, and translated by these monarches based on their whims, and then translated, and retranslated into other languages. If you believe, if you sit there and still believe all this shit, and realize the bible was written when people were even dumber than we are today… You know, go out, watch the bar empty… as they go home and watch some Fox News, and realize it was written by people dumber than all those motherfuckers.

Ok but forget that, let’s just look at Genesis. Out of the gate, funniest 6 pages in literary history: God, this almight God decides to create earth… it takes him 6 days, 6 calander days… I’m assuming it’s a gregorian calander. And then he takes a break! whew… those rivers took alot out of me… it’s fucking God! God gets tired? God takes a nap? whew… I gotta crash take a rest before I get up and do… I dunno whatever.
Ok so God creates earth… and earth is fucking big, he created the ice caps, he created… Equidor, he created… Bayone, New Jersey. You ever drive cross country? that’s like this much of the earth… it’s fucking massive. What does he decide?.. … I’m gonna put one dude in there. 1 Guy… so he makes Adam and says… Enjoy!.. and leaves to go make Venus or whatever.

So when God comes back to check in later, it occurs to him, ‘Oh… Adam’s lonely, I forgot to make other people for him to hang out with. Shit… I thought he could commune with the sparrow…and the lungfish, but I guess he’s just… taking a shit, and… not really knowing what to do. Well what the fuck do I know I’m only God’. So God takes a rib from Adam, and makes Eve, then Adam and Eve have Cain and Abel… then Cain Slays Abel… his brother, and his punishment is that he’s banned from Eden and banished to Nod, and God provides him with a wife. Ok… so his punishment… is that he doesn’t have to hang out with his parents… and he has someone to fuck whenever he wants. And hey! he didn’t even have to loose a rib for it.

You know… you have the scientists, with their ‘theories’… everyone knows it was a talking snake in a tree. " - David Cross

Hello F(r)iends,

Not very amusing at all… The observations are pretty limp.
Perhaps it is better when one hears it?



Ya’ might want to look up a couple of words; allegory and metaphor. It’s possible that you might see something useful beyond the surface of what you’ve read. Then again, maybe not.


Usually David Cross’s act is all about the delivery and not the content.

Bah… I knew you guys wouldn’t find it funny

too much seriousness around here

I know what a metaphor is… do you know what a joke is?

Hello F(r)iends,

Yes. But apparently David Cross doesn’t know.

At least, according to what was posted here. Perhaps if it were a live broadcast.


I know, I know… I can’t do justice to what it sounds like in real life

When I read it, it sounds funny cause i can hear the voice in my head… but I guess it doesn’t translate…

so to end this post… download david cross… he’s the shit

I thought it was funny Gobbo. I was reading it while imagining a stand up skit. :smiley:

And Tentative, most christians DONT believe it to be a metaphor… that’s what makes it funny.


You’re right. They don’t believe it’s a metaphor, and that make’s it sad.

I think O G was right. You had to be there…


As usual, you guys are your charmingly brutal selves. I thought it was funny and can see how the delivery changes the punch… you go Gobbo. Of course lately, I have found organized religion to gag the tar outa me, so maybe I was biased.