So my mom passed away in January. My Father passed away in 2010. I was the sole child of both of my parents, both parents though had children from prior marriages. When my Mom passed, my older sisters began handling her will as I saw it and everything was going fine. Then my brother and sister from my father’s side brought to light a will that my mom side that was older, that goes back to when my father was alive. It basically states that this will is valid upon the passing of either my dad or mom and neither can make a will afterwords as it will be invalid. They both signed it. So my sister on my Dad’s side gets a lawyer immediately. We didnt’ know what was going on at first… until my brother showed me the will. It changes things to be more equal over all I would say, as opposed to my mom’s last will that had favored myself and her side primarily.
I basically understood it as this: My mom signed a will saying that she can’t make another will after my dad died. He died, she made another will. This will is invalid due to the will she already signed and agreed to.
My sister’s on my mom’s side basically think I am flat out wrong for denying my mother’s last will. How can I be, obviously my mother was wrong for making a will after signing something that stipulates she can’t make another will in the event of my father’s passing. Seems pretty straight forward to me, however things got nasty. The will I agreed to favors me slightly more, but not much. However it hurts my mothers children, my sisters on her side, primarily. They attacked me immediately and accused me of greed, although I was just trying to compel them to react on the legal will, which I stated after I spoke to 3 lawyers on to verify which will would hold up in court, to avoid a court battle.
Insults accusations of greed especially after my mothers’ passing hurt me dearly and I responded in kind to their accusations, turning it on them. I see no reason for them to get upset over it because it isn’t their choice anyways. However It has been over half of a year since all of this happened and they haven’t really apologized for their nonsense. I have everything they said saved in email, and I shared it with others for their opinion on the matter to make sure I was acting justly and righteous. They are trying to invite me to things, I have their actions burned now in my memory and it is hard to forgive them for their stance, which they still cannot see how I am possibly siding with the right thing, even though it isn’t even in our control anymore and is going through lawyers now to arbitrate, which basically is going to side with what I stated SHOULD happen. I haven’t really been to a family event on their side since this happened. Money like this I guess brings out the worst in people. Not sure how to fix this.
There is no “fix” for this. Perhaps time will allow healing, but there is no guarantee of that. The details are different, but it is a common but sad story. The arbitration, if done properly, means everyone “loses” a little. How individuals will act is interesting. Some will forgive and forget, others will hold a grudge till their dying day. All that is important is that you do what, in your heart of hearts, is the right thing for everyone concerned. Then let the chips fall where they may. I’ve been through two of these experiences and they both turned out ugly.
The crazy thing is that conflict is rarely about the money. It’s about who get’s mom’s tea set or dad’s old Skil saw. Nothing brings out stupid more than an estate settlement.
Sorry for your situation. Just do what is right and let the people who want to hold grudges go.
EDIT: hey, I don’t want you to feel bad and I cannot know the situation very well or the personalities involved. You are clearly trying to do the right thing and other people should respect that even if they disagree. That said,…
I Think it is a bit more complicated: the issue of the first will negating the later one. We get to change our minds. Unless she was incompetent, at the time of the second will, she decided to no longer be bound by her earlier decision. She may have felt pressured to sign the first one (and of course she may not), pressured by your father, or the mere presence of your father, and the later will reflects even her actually wishes at the earlier stage. I don’t know about the law, but ethically, I don’t Think a younger me gets to decide over the later me. Perhaps the law can enforce the earlier will, but is that really what people want to do? Decide that she could not change her mind? We marry and promist to stay together forever, but they stuff happens.
Of course there are contracts where we bind ourselves to others and must work or sell something or whatever for some period of time. Sure. But here the will is a contract about one’s own wishes. I don’t Think there is an easy answer, but I would tend to go with her later will. As one would in most cases, unless one can show diminished capacity or manipulation.
To me the situation is more likely to be that any pressure was on the earlier will. Note: I am nto suggesting unethical pressure, but the chances seem, if anything, likely that she was reluctant, when your father was alive, to do what she really wanted. And frankly, he seems to have known that, hence the no Changes clause.
Yes, forgive them. Not forgiving them is of no benefit to you, forgiving them is.
Explain your position. Depending on the amounts, you could give the extra you gain from the ‘new’ will to some sort of memorial service or charity or something, to prove that it wasn’t greed.
Let them know your honest motivations (again), give them more time to come round.
Well… my father was the breadwinner and he realized he would likely die first. He wanted his money to go primarily to his children and not her children, which did not get along. My mother had no income and my father supported her. There is no coercion legally. The lawyers all agree on one thing and that is the first will stands. I think that makes sense, ethically and legally. I don’t see how it could be any other way. I say I’m going to do something if A happens. A happens, thus I must do it. I sign a legally binding contract to it. I don’t see any questionable morality there. Unless coercion is shown, but that is not up for debate in this case. I believe my mom forgot, possibly.