I haven’t really thought about it, but I reckon I’ll end up having some
Not a clue
I’m not too keen on the idea, but I suspect I might end up having some
I don’t want any
0voters
This is a thread for the men of the forum, particularly those who haven’t yet procreated.
It seems blindingly obvious to me that practically every woman has a maternal ambition, which sits at the core of her world. What’s less clear is what the male position is. I get the impression that in courtship and relationships, the men are basically in it for the sex and the companionship, whereas the women are also in it for kids in the long run. My question is (which I’m gonna try to set up as a poll) what do men think and feel about this? Are they just as “babicentric” as women? are they indifferent? or are they averse to the idea?
[For simplicity, I’m restricting this to “bog standard” heterosexual relationships.]
I want kids. No doubt in my mind, I’d love to have children some day. Not particularly soon, maybe not for a decade, but sometime. The issues that bother me are nothing to do with children themselves but the laws and social habits surrounding childrearing in this country (UK). For example, they’ve recently modified the pensions laws so that women only have to pay NI contributions for 30 years to get the full state pension upon retirement whereas men still have to pay for 39. This, apparently, is to account for ‘women take time off work to raise children, or for any other reason’ (Department of Work and Pensions spokesperson on the news). Put simply, one can just about manage to raise a family if you’re a woman and still expect to be able to work enough to receive the full state pension but if you’re a man there’s no chance whatsoever. It also means that for that distinct minority of families where the female is the main breadwinner and the male is the main childrearer that the man has absolutely no hope of ever getting a proper state pension, let alone a decent private one. This problem is confounded by the fact that ONLY women get a NI credit if they are staying at home to look after young children - this benefit doesn’t apply to men. Maybe in Blair’s middle-class Utopia life is a 1950s suburban American cliche where a family can easily survive on one full-time wage and men don’t give a toss about spending time with their kids but I’m pretty sure that these laws and social benefit programs do nothing but place further barriers between our society and a society of gender equality (as all such positive discrimination does) and merely perpetuates the problems of the present.
As such I love the idea of being a father to children but I know that legally and socially there’s a lot in the way of my achieving that. Men may lack a an innate paternal instinct but I’ve met plenty of women who have no desire to have children so it wold appear that at least some women lack an innate maternal instinct. One thing is pretty obvious to me - women are encouraged far more to see their parenting role as a breastfeeder and caregiver and men are encouraged to see their role as being a provider of money and genetic material.
I am likewise in the boat of wanting kids, but not now. Mine is for a different reason however. They still annoy the hell out of me on occasion and I don’t think I’ve grown into a state where I can properly raise a child to not end up like me in all the same ways I have faltered.
I’ll probably wait until post-30 before seriously contemplating it.
That and currently being single is kind of a roadblock too.
Well, I hope it goes well for you both. Don’t forget to mention this to your prospective birds - they’ll love it
I myself find the thought of kids of my own terrifying and disgusting, and I strongly suspect I’d be hopeless at raising them. I think I’m destined to be an uncle (something I’d be happy to do).
I’d say it whether or not it was true, you know, just to make a good impression.
And then you’d get uncle privileges - like taking the little critter out to the park and having all the local totty flock around it/you like flies on shit. Babe. Magnet.
I would say I do want kids, not for like another 10 years though.
Basically it boils down to my needing to have (in my opinion) a ‘full’ life. I certainly don’t want to miss out on being a parent; even if it is a lot of work and hardship there is certainly outweighing positive factors.
I really love my parents and the relationship I have with them- it’s one of the things I most treasure in my life. But while I can’t imagine not having that, I have absolutely no desire to have any kids of my own. That could change someday, but since I just turned 37 a few days ago I kinda doubt it.
I do halfway worry that I’ll wake up some morning when I’m 55 and regret not having started a family (assuming I don’t). Guess I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it.
I want to procreate.
I want to teach my son/daughter about life (but it better be a son )
I want to be a better parent then my parents…
I know I will be a good parent, it will be the climax of my existence.
But I often wonder if perhaps my mother and father had the exact same mindset of how they would be the best parents…of how the experience of parenthood is indeed the climax of one’s life.
And I wonder how they feel about that now…everything that they do for me, I love them so much, yet I despise them.
How do I know if I will be dissatisfactory to my child?
How will I be able to stop myself from getting caught up in the flow of life?
Will I ever be able to examine myself from another perspective…or will I become bull-headed?
I fear this because I don’t know what I can control and what will simply change in me over time…
Yet right now I feel like I have all the control in the world…I just hope I can keep this up.
Another thing that I wonder about is where I should begin to make judgements and rules for my child?
I am against structure and rules, and I also feel that a child should learn independence at a young age. But I don’t know if I would be comfortable with my child engaging in the activities that I did when I was a teenager (now).
I wonder if I should bring religion into their lives…being that I am athiest.
I still feel that it is important for one to be educated in the worlds religions, but I don’t want my children to be sheeple.
I want my child to be strong and healthy, I want my child to be intelligent.
I want my child to pursue life with a passion for wisdom.
I want my child to be better than me.
And I think that my child will be all of these things.
Hmm…I must find the right girl to have my babies.
Such a profound experience…love for another, and having children with them…raising children with them…it is an essential part of life.
I don’t see how anyone would not want this.
Grr…I’m so wanting, so selfish…so human
Perhaps…an implicit mental response, shrouded with ‘emotion’…grounded in instinct.
Haha, yes, the though had occurred to me. However, my concern would be that they would prod me into continuuing the lie, and that it would eventually break down in a messy heap.
I can understand wanting to experience everything, but I still think it’s better to weed out the bad bits, even if it means missing out on a lot. Alas, I think the negatives do the outweighing here…
Something I intend to do
This is similar to how feel. One of the reasons for my not having “the snip” or any other procedure is that I might change my mind. My advice to you is, keep going as you are; let your “soul” guide you.
Mr. Kebop:
The fact that you’re thinking like this means you probably will be a good parent (or at least above average ). I think it’s very true that parents-to-be love to think that their kids will represent the best of both of them, and that they’ll do a marvellous job. The reality is that the same old shit repeats itself yet again.
I actually think that you have the potential to be a very good father. Obviously you ain’t ready yet, nor am I, nor is anyone of our (approximate) age.
I mean that for me, the role of father would have more negatives than positives (I’m not saying children per se are more neg. than pos.). These include illness, tantrums, mess, worrying, and responsibilities generally. The positives are answering their questions and making them laugh - two things that an uncle can do.
You just have a good outlook on life for a father, I reckon that with a bit more maturity (and don’t get me wrong, most humans could do with that, regardless of age) you could develop that balance between interfering and advising a child too much and standing back and isolating them too much. I think that you have an intuitive grasp of why this balance is important in parenting that will blossom into fine parenting skills give time and the right opportunity. Now all you need is a woman willing to have children with a gigantic, serial-cannabis-smoking urban philosopher…
I think for the most part everyone here would be/is a good parent. I mean… instead of watching tv or whatever (or at least not as much) we read and converse about the deeper things in life.
We fight amongst each other and stuff… but there is always that desire to understand and process information correctly. It’s a type of learned empathy which I feel is important.
I’m planning to father three to four children within the next fifteen years. I’m very excited about it. I’m almost more excited about that than I am anything else in terms of my future. In a way, it’s what I’m living for.
